If you are at home with the baby how much housework do you expect DP/DH to help with

[Vespar7]

Just wondering really. I sometimes feel like he does too much because I never seem to be able to get things done in time. I look after the baby most of the time during the week. At the weekend DP helps but I still do the majority of babycare which is ok. DD is 20 weeks and sleeps pretty well so I don't have to catch up on sleep during the day. I do the cooking and shopping and try to do the cleaning, ironing etc but sometimes I just don't have time and then I feel bad when DP puts a wash on because it needs to be done. He doesn't make me feel bad about it but I feel guilty because he is at work all day. Should I be making more of an effort to get things done so he doesn't have to?

You do what you can, he does what he can. You're a family, so it should be a team effort. It's not a competition to see who works the hardest, or who does the most.

If you're sitting on your arse all day drinking tea, ignoring the baby and reading Chat magazine then perhaps you'd have a point, but you're on maternity leave, not skivvy leave. Looking after a baby can be hard work, even if they sleep well!

I think it's good that you are striking a balance now rather than doing it all, running yourself ragged and then having a shock if you go to work FT and DP is used to you doing everything.

You're on maternity leave, not housework leave.

He worked before you had a baby and (presumably) managed to do housework then.

Why is work suddenly so arduous he shouldn't have to lift a finger at home?

You don't owe him what you seem to think you do.

And he doesn't think so, so you're OK.

Whatever works for you. You have a baby to look after, supervise and plan for, everyone's healthy eating to plan, and presumably have to shop within a budget. The is more to shopping than a trip to a corner shop for a pint of milk.

I found it hurt to vacuum, or lift heavy things for a while, so DH did those jobs. He has always put in/hung up a wash now and then. It's his house too, and he's helping with the smooth running of it.

I was like you OP, Id do what I could but there was still.housework.needed doing at the weekends so that was done by either of us.

Its worked well.as I am now back at wprk FT amd DH and I just do what we can when we can.

As above. Everyone just does what they can. My DP doesn't like me to do anything because he thinks two under 18 months is enough of a challenge. But if they both nap I run round like a whirling dervish and do loads. We also have half hours where we do it together. And then sometimes I just set the toddler off with a duster and hHoover

DH has always done all the washing up (because I do the shopping and cooking) and cleaned the bathrooms. Dusting and vacuuming is my area. Nobody irons - life's too short! Mostly I do the washing (because he seems incapable of noticing when the washing bin is full) but he'll put an occasional wash on or hang it out. To be honest, though, it hasn't really changed from when we both worked in offices - currently I'm a childminder and so work at home but there certainly isn't time for much more housework.

MrNC does about half the laundry, some dishwasher loading/unloading, and when I was on mat leave often came home to prepped bits of food to cook. Now I work 3 days and he does 4 so I try to cook meals on my days off so they can be reheated on working days.

It doesn't matter who does what as long as you have roughly equal relaxation time/extra nap time as needed.