Help getting baby and toddler to bed on your own

[Naturally2806]

Need some practical advice please how to get baby and toddler to bed on my own. DH usually home very late and I have been leaning heavily on my retired parents to help me but need to stand on my own 2 feet as we are moving!!
DD is 7months and Breastfeed. DS is 2.5 and still has a baby bottle of special Neocate Formula (his only/main source of calcium) to go to sleep. I'm fine bathing them together but the problem comes trying to give them respective milk feeds. DD will scream herself senseless if I put her in bouncer or cot whilst I see to DS- even though we are on the same room and I talk to her softly and/or put musical lights mobile on. If I give DD bf first then DS runs around upstairs crazy, crying and wanting his milk- he still enjoys being cuddled by me (or DH) to have his bottle. He also gets upset by her screaming whilst having his bottle. Even on a good night with me and DH on bedtime duty he gets out of bed constantly and cries so we have to go in and out till be drops off.
DD has suddenly decided she doesn't want to go to sleep in her cot anymore either :(
Urghhhh!!
Practical tips greatly received please (don't even get me started on the nighttime waking......!!!!)

I would buy a bean bag, sit on it with dd one side feeding, and your ds the other with milk

Oh the beanbag sounds like a good idea! Thank you

One on boob, other hand on bottle, then swap. Sing them both to sleep together, they'll grow to love it and you get them both down at same time.

I have a similar age gap and a similar late-working DH
I try and do as much as possible together, although mine are a bit bigger now - milk at the same time, storybook all together, they share a room so plonk each in respective bed and do the disappearing chair out of the door or fall asleep on the floor before they do

On really tough days where ds2 was really unsettled, I put him in his sling on my back while sorting ds1 out, sometimes if he'd already had his last feed that would send him off to sleep quite nicely too.

I was still bfing ds2 at 7 months, and if he was unsettled, I would get ds1 to bed (usually with the help of the sling as ds2 is incredibly clingy), then when he was asleep take ds2 downstairs for his last feed so if they were both fidgety they wouldn't disturb each other so much. Was bloody difficult though, so you have my sympathy! It does get easier!

I'm sure other (better at this than me!!) posters will have better advice, but that's what got me through that stage. Hope it helps a little bit!

I also do most bedtimes alone with ds (4) and dd (4 1/2 months) as dh often works late. Ds had severe reflux as a baby and feeding difficulties so until 2 days ago (!) was still having a bottle of Neocate morning and night too. At the weekend I managed to convince him to drink 'big boy milk' and we have moved to cow's milk which I hope will make it all a bit easier. Dd is formula-fed but on Aptamil so previously I was having to make up simultaneous bottles with different formulas! I shamelessly employ the tv - the Cbeebies bedtime hour - start feeding dd around 6pm and then give ds his bottle at 6.45pm. We all sit and watch the bedtime hour while I feed dd and then I wind her on my lap and read a story while ds drinks his milk. Then I plonk her in her bouncy chair and take ds to bed. If she cries while I'm doing his bedtime I try not to let my blood pressure fly through the roof and let her cry, it's only for a few minutes and I think it is important for ds to have my sole attention when he goes to bed. I tuck him in then race back down to her! She still has another feed to go and then bed at 9.30pm so I don't yet have the same simultaneous bedtimes that you do, but do have the feed issue. I would simply try to feed them together as best you can, encourage ds to be more independent drinking his bottle and holding it himself etc, then stagger bedtimes slightly if necessary in order to get them both down. Bedtime story together is a good idea. Sorry if there wasn't much advice in my anecdote! I have sympathy at least. Hope it gets easier for you.

Ditch the bath altogether, or make it an afternoon one - one less thing to do.

Breastfeed DD to sleep.

I would also look at weaning DS off the bottle - at 2.5 he's plenty old enough to be switching to a cup of milk while looking at a book for 10 minutes. Or TV if you allow that in the evenings. You have to brush his teeth afterwards anyway. You might want to take advantage of having your parents around to change his bedtime routine now, before you have to move, so perhaps one of them could get him used to having a bedtime story by himself.

I have a DD who's just turned 3 and a 4.5 month DS, and DH often not back before bedtime. Here's what we now do - we've been working on it for a few months and whilst it's not always perfect, it seems to be the calmest way for us to get through the evening routine... (NB for any chance of success I still have to prepare everything - pyjamas, drink, bath stuff, baby changing stuff, box of toys etc etc about mid afternoon - so by 6.00 everything's ready - apparently I am not a natural at this!)

6.00 both get undressed (or popped in the bath if it's bath night)

6.15 DD goes into our bedroom where I've made her a little corner (it's space that is just hers for when her brother is asleep in their room), where I've put a box of toys - I have about 5 activities on rotation - lego, happyland, doll's house - and she plays quietly, chatting to herself about the day, while I feed DS, read him a little story, sing and put him down.

6.45 I join DD, chat about what she's playing, read story, Bible, pray, sing, then sneak into their bedroom with her and tuck her in.

I know that DD loves having some one-on-one time before bed, and she looks forward to seeing what's in the box to play with that evening, so it works well for us. It's also a great time for her to wind down and process the day. It seems also to have been good for her to learn to wait during DS's bedtime, and to be rewarded with time alone with me once he's asleep. Would your DS play alone for a bit? You could gradually increase the time maybe, starting with just a few minutes as he gets used to it?

Hi everyone!!
Thank you so much for sharing all your routines and ideas. Given me some fab ideas to crack on with and give it a go I've started to dread bedtime on my own!! Fingers crossed by combining all your tips the kiddies will be tucked up in bed soundo with minimal screaming/crying/general grumpiness!! (And that's just from me!!) Managed to record Bedtime live the other night and was thinking of offering myself up for help!!

monkeynuts that sounds like the most blissful bedtime routine ever but I fear way out of my grasp!
nishino have tried the disappearing chair thing but DS1 takes this as an invite to leap out of bed and jump all over me!
mummy2benji does number 1 get upset if number 2 is crying in the bouncer?? I've tried this and DS1 gets wound up by DD2 screaming for attention?? I'm sure I've created most of these problems myself as they never have to "wait" for anything normally!
zuleika wise words about the bottle, something I have been feeling terribly guilty about. It's a safety blanket we use with him as he's so difficult to get to bed at the best of times
miggly I really like your toy corner idea. He can entertain himself for (very!!) short periods of time so willing to give this a go! I'll make sure to choose nice quiet toys!!

Also, don't need to bath them every night.

I have a 3yo and 4 month old. I aim to get both bathed and in pjs by 6.20, then we go downstairs and dd1 watches cbeebies for 30 mins while I breastfeed dd2, then we all go upstairs and dd1 has milk and story, then I put dd2 down after dd1 has settled.

This is what TV was invented for! After bath & PJs I put older one in front of a decent DVD - eg Gruffalo or Lost & Found - then feed baby (now bottle and a story or two, but did same when bf) and settle him. Then cuddle older one on sofa, warn TV going off and do their stories peacefully without baby getting in the way. If your tv is too far from the baby's room for comfort you can always use a laptop? That's what I did before I trusted older one downstairs alone.