Help with relationships between myself, son, my new partner and soon new baby.

[cookiewuk]

I have an 8 year boy who is my world but whose father left when he was 6 months old. He now only sees him twice a year and very occasionally phones. My son however believes he is Gods gift and is always asking to see him more and to have him live with us etc. I think he blames me for him not being around. Ideally I would want ds to spend more time with his dad but that wont happen as his dad wont even tell me where he is living or how to contact him as he doesn't want to pay CSA.

I now have a new partner I have been with for 3 years and has lived with us for 2 years. I am 31 weeks pregnant with his baby and although ds seems happy he is getting a sibling most of the time, he also says he doesn't want my new partner to be her dad. The relationship between ds and np is very changeable, one minute everything is great and we're all happy, the next they are shouting at each other and ds is begging me to leave so it can be the 2 of us again.

Understandably this breaks my heart and I regularly break down crying when they act like this. I always have to step in and ask them to calm down and talk things through but I am finding it all so difficult and stressful.

My ds does need help controlling his emotions and also is very ignorant and often blatantly refuses to listen and interrupts whats being said to him to talk about whatever he wants. But then again my partner needs to be calmer when dealing with this as well but I don't know how to get through to them.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Also I believe ds is and presumably will be even more jealous when the new baby arrives and I would love some tips on how to help him overcome this.

Family therapy?

My DS went through a tough period at 8yo with respect to controlling his behaviour, karate helped him focus. DS had also had significant trauma (physical and emotional) a couple of years previously and that played into the issues he was having. He needed more help than DH and I were able to provide on our own, his therapist has been fantastic.

From your post, it sounds as if a lot has changed for your DS over a pretty short period of time. He may be angry that you're 'replacing' his (absent) dad, or even that your partner is trying to take over the position of 'dad'. Fear is also likely to be a big part of what's going on in his head. Maybe he's worried that you won't love him when the baby arrives, that you and your partner will be the perfect little family with your dc and he'll be on the outside. With your partner as the focus of your DS's issues, does he feel that your partner has moved in and 'taken over' the family? Your DS seems secure in his place in your life, but not about his place in your and DP's family.