Does anyone else feel like nursery damages your parent child bond?

[MissDiscombobulated]

My 18mth DS goes to nursery 4 days a week since he was 11mth old.
He's never been particularly clingy towards me and I am not really overbearing in my parenting style but lately I have been noticing that he doesn't come to me for hugs or cuddles, won't appease my requests for a kiss, prefers to play by himself when we have day off together and basically seems disinterested in me. However when friends come around the house, he is all over them, (even if he doesn't know them very well), asking for kisses and cuddles. The nursery staff too say he is very loving on some days giving them all kisses. I am starting to feel really insecure about this and guilty that perhaps putting him in nursery to go back to work (finances dictated I had to) has made him so independent of me that he doesn't need his mummy and might even prefer everyone else to me :-(
I've struggled quite a bit since birth with feeling pretty low and have had problems with dp which have led to him not living with us for the most part anymore.
Does anyone else have experience of this feeling of not bonding? I know the affections of children wax and wane between parents and other carers. How do you cope when you are out of favour?

Honestly? No I've never noticed this. Maybe it's just a phase he's going through, or maybe he is just getting a bit more independent.

No.

You are over-thinking it because you feel guilty. I don't mean that to sound harsh, I say it because i've been there (and re-visit it every time my DS goes through a difficult phase!)

DS has been FT at his CM since he was 10 months, he's now 2.3. It's me he calls out for when he's scared, sick or hurting in the night. I'm the only one he runs towards arms outstretched and all smiley and excited when he sees me in the distance. Yet when his big half sister is at ours, or nanny and grandad visit, he is too busy having fun to give me a second thought. I get over it by secretly congratulating myself (and DH of course!) on raising a little boy who is totally at ease in his own skin, confident, sociable, adaptable and spirited!

Your baby is becoming an independent, free-thinking individual, that is all. My advice? Take some time off and do some fun stuff together, one to one. It really helps. And don't be so harsh on yourself - being a parent is hard at the best of times and fraught with guilt. SAHMs of DC who don't attend nursery are frequently on these boards asking if they are damaging their child's ability to interact by not sending them to nursery! We can't win!

Thanks for your responses. It is good to read another's perspective. I can't help second guessing my methods every time things look like they are going pear shaped. DS is definitely going through an independent phase and bats me away if I move in for a kiss or cuddle and acts contrary to everything I try to do with him. I'm finding it hard to engage and get the laughs going between us. He just looks at me as if to say "really mummy?" Sad for me when he is much more responsive to everyone else. We have a day off together tomorrow and are starting a new swimming class so hoping this will help.

No. You are doing what sounds like a great job raising your DS to be sociable and independent. It's a phase and while you might like more spontaneous kisses be glad he's not sobbing & clinging everytime you leave him at nursery that would be far harder. Mums are almost wallpaper at sometimes whilst everyone/thing else is new and exciting.

My DS always wanted to be carried facing forward because the world was far more interesting than me. When he was going to sleep he had to be able to see forward or rest on my shoulder so he could see the view. I could see friends thinking but I feel DS age 8 gives me more kisses now off his own bat than he did as a toddler.

this has a chart of children's responses to their parents, you could check to see if you recognise any of his behaviours, might reassure you.

I have no qualifications or experience with this sort of thing but if you are worried then ask your HV to check him. It could very well be completely normal behaviour x

Thank you toughdecisions :-) I think I need to reassure myself more often that it is a marathon and not a sprint parenting and I should be more patient and ride out the tougher times!
Thanks for the link RooneyMara. I would def put myself in the secure box and probably DS too. He does cling and cry some days when I leave him at nursery (albeit shortlived) but he doesn't usually run to greet me when I return and I'm not at all certain that he shows a clear preference for me! Lets hope it is a short phase.

If its any consolation DD goes to crèche 2 hours per week, that is the only time she is regularly away from me (I work nights and nap when she does) and at 18 months I think I fall somewhere around 4th in her priorities after mil and her dog

Kisses and cuddles are either offered willingly without request or ignored completely so please don't feel that this is a result of putting him in nursery, it could be that he is so secure with you he doesn't need to be physical with you as he still sees you as part of him? Just an idea.

Hope swimming goes well