Is my son a bit of a pushover?

[Dotty342kids]

So, I have a 10 (just!) yr old DS. He's a lovely child, on the whole!
It was his 10th birthday outing yesterday, him plus three friends. They had a great time and afterwards two of them came back for tea. During tea, when they were sat one on each side of him, I noticed a fair bit of what I thought was playfighting / minor pushing and shoving going on but DS was laughing and giggling so didn't think too much of it.
After tea they went upstairs for ten mins before parents arrived to collect them.
When they'd gone, DS went quiet and when I asked if ok, burst into tears. He said one of the friends in particular had been unkind to him, teased him about the photo of his "girlfriend" that he had in his room and sometimes teases him at school for not having an Xbox etc. My DS, when this was going on upstairs, then hit out at this other boy. I can only assume it wasn't too violent an incident as we heard no shouts / cries and nothing was said at the time.
Think my DS was upset that he'd hit this other boy (knowing he shouldn't have) as well as the teasing / pushing / shoving that he'd been subjected to.
I think the trouble is that because he laughs along when it's happening, other kids don't realise he actually isn't enjoying it and so they think they can do it even more.
I know he needs to learn to stand up for himself, verbally not physically if poss, and that asserting yourself against your friends might be a necessary lesson in life but I just feel so sad for him that his so called friends think it's ok to treat him this way.
I worry that going forwards, he could end up seen in his friendship group, as the one that can be pushed about a bit / taken the piss out of.
Any advice about what we can do to help him assert himself gratefully received!

Hi just tried replying, and lost the message! Anyway, it sounds as if the boys think your DS is ok with it, if he's laughing and joining in the messing around. I don't think you can expect the other children to understand that he's laughing, but not enjoying it. As you say in your OP, you thought he was ok with it all so why expect a 10 year old to understand that level of complexity? I'm only saying this to help you see that the boys are not being mean, they would probably have been very upset to know your son was upset.

You could talk to him about saying when he doesn't like things, rather than hitting out. I've explained to the DCs that no-one has the right to make them feel bad about themselves, or be unkind to them, and they (the DCs) should be clear about saying that they don't like certain behaviour.

I know it's hard, my DS is 8, and quite sensitive, but he knows that he can say when someone is behaving in an unkind way towards him. One other thing that helps my DS is that the children he plays with at home do not go to the same school as him so he's not reliant on one group of friends. May be worth investigating things like scouts etc. to build a wider social circle for your son.

Thanks Chrysanthemum5 for your reply. I'm sure the other boys do think he's ok with it, sadly! We had a good chat with him about explaining clearly, rather than hitting out, when he doesn't like something and he's gone into school today prepared to talk to the boy involved, to let him know that he didn't like what he was doing. The agreed approach is that if the other boy says / seems sorry for upsetting him then all well and good. If he doesn't then DS needs to think about what he wants to do next, including temporarily stepping slightly back from that friendship. Difficult though, as there's 4-5 of them who are quite a tight group of mates.
Mine does have other friends through swimming club / cubs etc but they don't tend to socialise outside of those things. Perhaps I need to sort out a bit more of that.....