Please help me figure out how to bond with dd

[Archetype]

My dd is 14 mo. when I had her I rushed out of hospital as soon as I could to be at home with her. The birth was fine, cat complain much. 11 hours start to finish but had drip for anti biotics (gbs), iv fluids and that fake labour hormone (cant remember the name). had to be strapped to monitor all the time because of meconium in waters (they went first) and ended up with epidural at 9cms. so was on my back all the time.
I had every intention of breast feeding and I managed for 2 days but I hated the feeling and every thing about it.
I suffer from quite bad anxiety and struggle to leave the house for more than an hour. I try to take her places but end up panicing and coming home
Im awaiting cb therapy which I should have an appointment for with in the next few weeks, but I feel like a failure. I love her to pieces but I feel likes doesn't love me. if she's ill or upset she wants dp. he's amazing with her, even though he works mental shifts he always gets up if she wakes for her dummy etc. he knows how much worse I am on little sleep.
he's very supportive but I feel like Im letting him down. I guess Im asking for some help on how to improve things, I want to get up with her and do more things with her to improve or bond and give dp a break
Im sorry if this is really long l, has spelling mistakes or makes no sense and thanks for reading.

Firstly, your DD definitely loves you
Becoming a mum is hard, it's very normal to find things hard in the first few years and to take time to get used to each other.
A few tips;

• dont see it as a failure if you take her out for an hour...give yourself recognition for leaving the house at all
• aim to spend 10 minutes a day where you just be with dd...have a bath together, read a book or pop a song cd on and dance. Be led by your dd and what she seems to enjoy.

You aren't letting your partner down - he is supporting both of you, as a partner should and wants to!

As ballstoit says, your DD will love you no matter what. I suffer from anxiety, and a huge part of it is what other people think of me, including my children. I'm often amazed when they say things like I'm the best mum in the world etc.

I agree with taking small steps - go to the park for 20 minutes, then a drink if you can face it.

You don't even have to go out - children love doing stuff together at home, quite often more than being out. They just love having your attention.

I really hope the CBT helps you, but you can discount one of your worries immediately, and be confident that you have the love of your family.

thank you both very much

does any one have any advice on how to make myself get out of the house?

its normal for childrens favourite parent to chop and change, and sometimes it will be you, and sometimes it wont be. It doesnt mean she doesnt love you. If anything, i think she sounds very secure of you and your love.

Ive had times of picking up children from school and them screaming at me that they wanted their papa, but hes had the same vice versa at other times. Luckily neither of us feel insecure about it, but i can see how it could, if your confidence was already low.
The trick is to not put pressure on your dd about it, or to let her know that youre feeling insecure about it.
Maybe make a point of doing a few things that you KNOW that she would love to join in with when her daddy isnt there, or even if he is, with the plan that he doesnt join in.
No pressure, her choice.

Also just remember that shes still a baby really, and this will change many times

thank you

In terms of getting out, I think planning really helps. Pack the changing bag the night before, get clothes ready for you and DD and get the pushchair ready too.

Look for groups run by sure start, churches or council / leisure centre as they are likely to have 'spare' child free adults who will
welcome you and introduce you to other Mums.

Plan small trips each day eg walk to shops for milk, quick coffee with friend, library for books for dd. Better to do half hour out each day, than a whole day once a week, for both you and dd.

Come back to this thread to let us know what you've planned and done, if that will help to motivate you

My 14 month old seems to suddenly prefer daddy too. It will pass honestly

Bless you. Being a parent is hard. Getting out is good, if you can manage it. But it is more good for you than for your baby. If you can't, don't beat yourself up. Your dd won't bond with you because you take her to baby groups or whatever. Your dd will love you whatever. I haven't done much at all with dd2. I was very poorly after she was born and as a result, felt like I had little in common with the majority of mums of similar aged babies. So I just didn't go out with her much. She is fine. She loves her dad but she loves me too.
But I would say going out will probably make you feel better. But you don't have to go anywhere in particular. A walk is fine and it means you don't need to take anything with you, other than a buggy / sling.
You are not a failure. Your dp is her parent too. Wish my dp did as much!
Good luck to you. All will be fine.

thank you

I've decided tomorrow Im going to take her to get weighed and enquire about a bad cough/rattley chest she has. hope to god I make it there.

Good luck for getting to the HV clinic tomorrow...I'll look forward to hearing how much weight she's gained thanks to the love and care of her Mummy