lost the bond with my 10 year old son

[mumtothreeboys2013]

Hi all. I have never really spoke about this to anyone, my first born ad I were very close during a very bad relationship with his dad. We left when he was 4 and I married hubby and dad to my other two boys.. I havent really got any behavioral issues with any of the hoys but my eldest I feel im wrapping him in cotton wool, possibly because I feel guilty for loosing the bond we had.
II do have rules in my home that all 3 have to abide by and I wouldnt say im a terribly strict parent, I lost my mum almost two years ago and im finding it hard to leave the house, my youngest has just come out of spica cast so havent been on our usual family outings for some time.
My ten yr old may question my rules on occasions, can be really ungrateful, vidits his dad every other weekendwhere no rules are in place, I suppose I feel im either too harsh by not allowing him play computer games when he wants or too soft by. Allowing. I hope someone understands.
Like I said, he isnt naughty, a lil ungrateful for what we sacrifice I just dont want him unhappy and wanting to leave home as soon as he can. Im sorry, it probably doesnt make sense. Something is missing and I dont know what that isvmyself.

Thank you for reading. I hope someone understands.

Awww. I have a 10yr old boy too. I think it's the start of growing up.

How is he with his step dad? I notice mine takes far more interest in dad these days than me. I think you just have to be there for him and try to guide him forward in life as best you can. You sound pretty sorted to me. Sorry I can't offer more help though. Good luck.

It does sound like early teenagerishness to me. Your instincts are right - he can't have the run of the place just because his dad has no concept of rules.

Perhaps he does need a bit of time just the two of you, if your attention has (understandably) been on your youngest son?

I think you should carry on having boundaries in place for your older ds. It doesn't sound like you have lost the bond with him but you so sound a little insecure. This in understandable especially if his father is being permissive and allowing him to do what he wants. But it's a guarantee that the parent who provides security and boundaries is actually a better parent than one who doesn't. Stick to your guns. What does your dh think?

My youngest was in the hip spica for 6 week and still needs extra timewith mum, he is learning to walk again, my eldest does understand, will help when asked. He is a good boy he really is so maybe the fact is, like peggotty said, its me thats insecure. Does seem that way. My hubby is great with him, they are close, they have boys cinema nights, maybe thats my weakness, im insecure and worried he dont want to be here and the factthat he lost his nanny not so long ago, im compensating for that.
On the up side... We did decide this morning's to decorate his bedroom, together, he seemed quite excited about that. Will make more time for him and see if that helps us both. I havent been there as much as I was, I guess I need to pick myself up and stop worrying about damage done and fix it.

Thank you all for your comments.
Its nice to know there are people out there willing to help.

Thanks again xxxx

You sound like a lovely mum - decorating his bedroom together is a great idea.

That's a great idea.

Maybe when things have calmed down with the child in a cast and you have decorated the bedroom you could make a plan for another special event/outing/time for the two of you? Give you both something else to look forward to. Bonding takes time, one-to-one time that often gets put to the bottom of the list.