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Parenting

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Original poster

not a parent, but need help

16 replies

mabongwen · 14/03/2013 11:23

I look after my best friends 2year old boy regularly on a weekly basis, due to the way my working hours are scattered I can look after him on the same days each week.

Now here is the problem, I can get the little boy to nap no problem no screaming or crying he just sleeps, but they can not. He keeps them up he cries. I am starting to feel guilty about it, because they say "wish we could do that" and words to that effect.

Any ideas what I can do to help them or something?

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MrsCosmopilite · 14/03/2013 11:28

It might be that he is getting too much sleep when he's with you, and isn't as tired when with them, or just that you have a different routine or environment in which he is able to sleep more readily.

I assume you've already advised his parents on what you do/what routine you have that allows him to sleep easily?

We were having issues with our daughter's sleep a little while back (she's not long turned 2) and we have started using a sticker reward chart. If she stays in her cot all night then she gets a sticker. If she amasses stickers during the week she gets a reward.

We also tried to bring in a 'wind down' time. So that from 7pm we dim the lights, turn off the TV, turn down/off music, and do bath, change into nightwear, read a story or two, warm milk, teeth-cleaning and then off to bed. We have a nightlight with a timer in the bedroom and that seems to help too.

Good luck!

Original poster

mabongwen · 14/03/2013 11:40

I have in the past had care of him all day and over night and both nap and bed time were fine.

I have told them what I do, I simply say "I think its time for sleep time" he reaches out his hand we walk upstairs, change to pjs and dummy is given. I say sleep well Bach (means little one) wave goodbye and that's it I don't hear a peep out of him till I wake him up :/

It's sort of a no fuss approach, its what I have only known by my mum. I asked my mum and she thinks "im a novelty" as in he can't gauge what I would be like should he be difficult so he chooses not to be. does that make sense?

I just feel so bad that the little one can be very dr jekel and mr Hyde, and I always seem to get mr Hyde.

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EverybodysSootyEyed · 14/03/2013 11:47

my dd plays me up something rotten at bedtime - wants me to hold her hand until she falls asleep, chases me etc

doesn't do it to DH though

kids have totally different dynamics with different people so they will have to ind their own way. he's not being dr jekyll - he just wants to be with them and not on his own in his room!

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wannabedomesticgoddess · 14/03/2013 11:50

I agree with your mum OP.

Kids test boundaries with people who they know love them. With others, less so.

Original poster

mabongwen · 14/03/2013 11:57

I did not mean the dr jekyll, mr Hyde analogy to cause offence It was just a turn of phrase.

It wouldn't surprise me if my mum is right, she is always right! lol

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EverybodysSootyEyed · 14/03/2013 12:00

didn't cause offence - just implied he is being badly behaved for them which i don't think he is!

and yes, mums are always right!!!

Pootles2010 · 14/03/2013 12:03

Yes your mum's right! My ds will sleep beautifully for his day time nap at nursery, at home - forget it. He'll also nap for my parents, pil... basically anyone who's not me .

I think its like when kids behave at school but are terrors at home?!

narmada · 14/03/2013 12:05

This is common - being tricksy with parents, being easy for other carers. They know how far they can push parents but aren't so sure with others.

If you could institute a routine that the parents could then follow (special book, song, etc), that might be helpful. Otherwise, could you maybe do naptime together at a weekend and see what happens then?

Original poster

mabongwen · 14/03/2013 12:12

My problem is not being a parent I don't feel qualified or just "showing them" what to do. It's not my place, but I can tell they are both at their witts end currently . He makes them stay in the bedroom for hours at a time or get in the bed. It can take a good 2/3 hours on a bad day for them.

I think what I will do is repeat what many of you (and my mum) have said that I am a "novelty'

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wannabedomesticgoddess · 14/03/2013 12:18

Perhaps as you are more detached from him (naturally) its just easier.

If they know that each night is a drama he will pick up on their anxiety. If a caregiver is not confident in their actions/abilities it can make kids think something is wrong. Does that make sense?

teacher123 · 14/03/2013 13:53

I am sitting here listening to my DS crash about in his cot upstairs, I put him down for a nap and he thinks it's playtime, ANYONE else puts him down and he goes to sleep pretty much immediately... He's been napping better for the childminder than he has for me! (Little monkey!)

cory · 15/03/2013 09:24

I don't think you necessarily can show them what to do: chances are he plays up with them because they are his parents. Your mum is spot on. It's not something you do: it is something you are not- the person he trusts to be there for him however he behaves.

I show my irritation and bad temper far more in front of dh- who has promised to love and cherish me for life- than in front of my boss who might choose to sack me or at least not to put me up for promotion.

Dd used to behave beautifully for the childminder and be a little horror with me. But at the end of the day, the childminder means very little in her life, she is somebody she can just about remember to send a Christmas card, whereas I am still the biggest influence on her life. Didn't feel like it at the time though

So if I were you, I would just be happy that you can give the parents a bit of a break, but not worry too much about anything you should be imparting to them.

Original poster

mabongwen · 15/03/2013 09:30

I know, I did say earlier it wasn't my place. I've know LO since he was born and am his only god parent. He does call me aunty and is a wonderful little boy.

I'm back on minding duty again today, he is currently sleeping on me on the sofa haha Morning tv must bore him, I know it bores me! :P

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HappyAsASandboy · 15/03/2013 09:49

My twins are exactly the same. My mum looks after them several days a week, and she asks them if they're tired, they say yes, and she pops them in their cots. They lie down and are asleep before she's left the room!

I really struggle to get them to nap in the day. At night time I have to lie on the bed with them and read stories (about 3) and then lie there with them till they fall asleep. Then I lift them into the cots or leave them on the bed, where I squeeze in between them later! They know I'll do the story and cuddles palava because I always do - I enjoy it and don't see them enough to begrudge the hour bedtime takes :)

I never really believed my mum's descriptions of bedtime. But I got home early last week and she was just taking them into the bedroom - 10 mins later she was downstairs and they were silent! My mum has magical powers.

Original poster

mabongwen · 15/03/2013 09:54

happy me and your mum have similar experiences almost exact lol!

I think he is ill today hence the sleeping mum will be hone in a hour though so im just keeping a keen eye on him. Poor LO

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cloudhands · 15/03/2013 11:51

he sounds like he's crying to let some feelings out before sleep, and naturally he does it with his parents, as he's closest to them, so he'll go to sleep for you okay, and store up the feelings till he's with them, and feels comfortable to release them. It's hard for the parents, but natural. Tears contain stress hormones, so crying is a healing process that restores emotional equilibrium.
If your friends are asking for tips, you could pass them on this article so they understand a bit more, about how to get children to go to sleep more easily, by releasing the feelings that keep them waking.

Helping Young Children Sleep

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