Has anyone taken YEARS to bond with their child?

[PirateHat]

Ds is 2yr 8mo. Traumatic birth, pnd, ptsd, abusive relationship in a nutshell.

I have some bond with him, I care about him and his welfare but not that fierce "he's mine" I read about. I feel like "Is this it?" and I feel sorry for him because I have faked love for him for so long. I am having counselling and playworkers say he is bonded to me so that is good.

Hi. I had PND with my first and I have had to learn to love her. It happened very very gradually - like over 6 years. It was totally different with my second though.
I don't think DC1 realised, and we have a great relationship now (she is a teenager) but when she was little I looked after her because I had to and for no other reason. I do get the "she's mine" thing now. But it took a long time.

Thanks Banjo that is reassuring to hear. I am worried if it hasn't happened by now it never will.

I struggled with dd2

Problems with my relationship with her dad, my partner at the time, our living arrangements house share with another couple going back to work at 9 weeks, full time

I went through the motions but I would sit there with her crying and not having a clue what was wrong with her or what she wanted and that was when she was 2+

She was hospitalised at 2.6 and that was the first time I felt that fierce protectiveness towards her

If she hadn't have been ill, I honestly don't know how much longer the bond would have taken to come

The important thing is that your dc's physical needs are being met and you care enough to want to change and improve things

Please don't be so hard on yourself

Man I must really be defective, ds has been hospitalised four times in the last 6 months and I think it has actually made me retreat more from him!

I am so glad that I have a place to admit this. My counsellor is great but she tries to make out there must be more there than I admit.

You are not defective, everyone bonds at different times and in different ways, people just don't talk about not bonding instantly, like its shameful

It may be partly because he's been poorly that you haven't bonded -I know others with poorly children that have sub consciously detached as a coping mechanism

Some people just don't 'get' very young children and have a much better relationship with their school age child

My relationship with dc1 has improved greatly the older she has got. Don't force yourself to love your child. Eventually it'll sneak up on you.
You aren't defective, you just have PND. This too will pass, as much as you may not feel like it now, it will pass.