Scared of going on a playdate

[sue1000]

Need a bit of advice. Last week a friend of my dd's came to our house to play. When mum came to pick her up we arranged a return play date. All was well and my dd has been there once before for a play date and once for her friend's birthday party. when it was mentioned about her going over my dd started crying, saying she didnt want to go. After a few questions she said older brother and sister had turned the light off when my dd and her friend was playing and she was scared. also said they talked funny (this is a household with english as a second language). I am not sure how to broach this with the other mum. I don't want to lie or we could risk making excuses forever more. I did offer to go along with my daughter but she says she still doesn't want to go, and this is making me worried that something awful happened. any advice on how to tackle this. Thanks

Aww, bless her!

I doubt anything "bad" happened, but I guess she's not used to boisterous brothers and sisters and a household that is different to what she is used to.

I would come clean with the other mum, explain your DD's fears, and suggest you stay for a cuppa while your DD plays. That way, she'll realise that a playdate can be fun, but she'll have the reassurance of you being nearby.

Some kids are just a bit more cautious about new environments, that's all.

Thanks for your reply. I have already said to my dd that I would go along but she's still saying she doesn't want to go. She has an older sister herself and is usually a very lively girl, and is normally very happy to go on playdates. In fact this is the first time she has refused to go on one and usually we have the other problem of extracting her once she's settled into a playdate with a friend. Her reaction was quite severe so this is why I'm a little puzzled I guess and worried. I think I'm trying to figure out how to talk to the other mum about it all as I don't want to force my child to go along and have to trust her feelings about it. I guess I have to be as honest as I can and tell the other mum that my child is nervous about going over but that I am not sure about why.

I would say can you postpone the going to play for the moment. You don't have to give a reason why.

Hi thanks but this morning my daughter said that she would go if I went along, although she's not 100 per cent about it I can tell. I did think of putting it off but then thought against it as I don't want my dd's nervousness to grow larger in her mind, making it an even bigger worry. She wanted her friend to come to us instead, but I talked it through with my dd and said that I don't understand the language either but maybe her friend could teach us what some words mean. I don't want her to feel a different house/way of living/language/culture is anything to be scared of. I have told the other mum that my dd is nervous about older boys (generally she hangs about with her friend or older sister's friends who are all mainly girls) but I could tell she was worried that my dd felt uncomfortable in her house. I said that she has been going through a nervous phase and actually the other day she went into a different swimming lesson to her normal one which had four slightly older boys in and again she cried and said she wanted to leave. Think there is a slight anxiety issue arising over boys she does not know very well and now I think back her older sister went through the same phase too when she was younger but came out the other side. I think yesterday that I over-reacted to what my dd had said because she's always been so confident about things before. Thanks for your replies though