Arghh MIL and Her Side

[rachi1990xx]

Hi all ever since i had my son i feel my MIL and her side of the family (partners parents are apart) make me feel like i dnt matter and i cannot look after my son for example i make sure my sons fed before visitors as he gets grumpy and we dont like anyone else feeding him, but because my MIL and SIL pass him around like a parcel he gets upset they start saying hes hungry,hes got wind, hes getting a cold ect and i tell them no he hasnt hes just been fed,winded changed ect they say lete have a go and they take over n it makes me feel horrible. Any advice? X

Ah poor you.

Not really sure of any advice other than the grin and bar it sort.

I would go for the direct approach of no he wants a Mummy cuddle is all, he´s not used to being passed around. But that won´t suit everyone

I will bump for better help though.

You are not a bad mum and try not to let them get to you.

Thanks it just feels like what i say doesnt matter partner gets annoyed but wont say anything but i cant blame him MIL is bit OTT (still wants to go to drs appointments with partner hes 27! Lol) x

Oh Dear, he is going to have to learn to stand up for you and his DC now.

Can you maybe have a plan of attack for a bit (I don´t know how old your DS is) but maybe MIL can pop round at a better time if you are settled intoa routine?

Or start it by saying Ds is clinging today could you pop the kettle on MIL as I have not have a cupper in x hours oh and there is some washing up if you don´t mind it would be a huge help. Once I have got DS settled we can have a good chat and them maybe you could change him whilst I have a shower?

I´m afaird you are going to have to learn the smile nod and ignor (its crap) and set some boundaries.

Dc is 8 weeks old x n thanks all just have to keep calm and carry on lol x

Congratulations.

I´m sure someone else will be along with better advice.

Once you have a baby everyone seems to have an opinion on what you are doing wrong, don´t they?

The only ppl who dnt are my mother, FIL and step MIL they jus let us get in with it x

"I'd better go and feed him then" exit to bedroom for the rest of the visit make sure you take your smart phone/kindle and a big bar of chocolate

Fwiw, my (bf) 16wo sometimes really does need more food 10 minutes after the last feed he also picks up on my anxiety if I'm in a rush/need him to "behave" for some reason and will fuss and not feed properly. I assume that applies to ff babies too?

I know it's hard but you might need to go for a more assertive approach and physically take him back if he's not happy being passed around.

Maybe explain at the start of the visit that he's been a bit grizzly and might need some 'quiet time' if he starts to fuss. Then if he starts crying you can say "Ahhh come back to mummy". If the others dont pass him back or if they try to fend you off, say very clearly "no, he doesn't like it" and lift him out of their arms and take him into a different room, out of earshot if possible.

It sounds very pushy but you are his mum and know what he needs. You will probably only have to do this a couple of times before they get the picture but if you don't you will have years of them trying to undermine you.

Just tell them that he's being fussy with feeds and that hv said it was better for the same person to feed him. I hated anyone else feeding either of mine, particularly dd1 as she wasnt a great feeder. MIL would twist the bloody bottle round and I was .

With dd2 when she was tiny I just didnt let anyone else feed her until I was happy and relaxed to let them. Tbh demanding someone hands their baby over so you can feed them is really rude I would never expect to feed someones baby.

every 10 minutes move mil around to sit / talk to someone else. bet she will soon get pissed off

Why not just hand baby and bottle over to her granny and go and have a long shower?

I have had to wrestle my 2 out of MIL's arms at various points. She is a fab grandma but is one of those people who think because she had three kids she can absolutely do everything child related better than anyone else. TBF she's probably right about some things but sometimes babies just need their mums, regardless of how new to the job you are! I would suggest firmly taking your baby back, in such a way that only a comedy tug of war would occur if they don't let go and say, he just needs some mummy time, take him into another room and get your DH to sort them out with tea or whatever. Prime him with some comments to rebuff theirs like "being passed around unsettles him", or "Rachi" just needs to settle him down, he just needs his mum" or something.

Thanks all im just going to put my foot down if she doesnt like it tuff lol xx