I'm more needing to vent than anything cause DH is lovely but he doesn't really understand why I'm feeling guilty.
I had really bad PND with DS1 after he was born, difficult labour and EMCS followed by inability to breastfeed, and I faked the happiness to all my family, friends and HVs until I came clean to DH about how sad I felt. I was well on the mend once we found out we were expecting again and think I finally felt better a few months before the birth
I've just had DS2 and things couldn't be more different, I feel happy and full of energy and more than capable of managing them both, yeah its hard and I'm knackered but I just feel so much better equipped for both of them this time round. Feel I'm able to divide my time as well as I can and my house is kept tidy and supper is ready for DH and it's the way I wanted life to be.
Thing is I'm feeling so guilty about the detatchment I felt from DS1 that I've not felt at all for DS2. Just can't get my head round the fact that I felt like that and it's just this constant feeling of guilt now.DS was born with a problem that required hospital visits and an operation aswell and I just feel that he needed me to be together more and I let him down cause I wasn't. I let things slide round the house and DH had to pick up so much slack and never said a word about how shit a mum and wife I was being cause I was just in a really dark place. Just glad its not what I'm like now but just cant believe the difference.
Don't know if anyone else has found themselves in a similar situation but hoping I'm not the only one. xx