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Parenting

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Guilty about PND with DS1

1 reply

Flowerydems · 12/03/2013 14:16

I'm more needing to vent than anything cause DH is lovely but he doesn't really understand why I'm feeling guilty.
I had really bad PND with DS1 after he was born, difficult labour and EMCS followed by inability to breastfeed, and I faked the happiness to all my family, friends and HVs until I came clean to DH about how sad I felt. I was well on the mend once we found out we were expecting again and think I finally felt better a few months before the birth

I've just had DS2 and things couldn't be more different, I feel happy and full of energy and more than capable of managing them both, yeah its hard and I'm knackered but I just feel so much better equipped for both of them this time round. Feel I'm able to divide my time as well as I can and my house is kept tidy and supper is ready for DH and it's the way I wanted life to be.

Thing is I'm feeling so guilty about the detatchment I felt from DS1 that I've not felt at all for DS2. Just can't get my head round the fact that I felt like that and it's just this constant feeling of guilt now.DS was born with a problem that required hospital visits and an operation aswell and I just feel that he needed me to be together more and I let him down cause I wasn't. I let things slide round the house and DH had to pick up so much slack and never said a word about how shit a mum and wife I was being cause I was just in a really dark place. Just glad its not what I'm like now but just cant believe the difference.

Don't know if anyone else has found themselves in a similar situation but hoping I'm not the only one. xx

OP posts:
GooseyLoosey · 12/03/2013 15:50

Don't feel bad. I've been there too. Terrible PND with first child and didn't really bond until he was over 1. None with second child. Nothing to feel guilty about though - you didn't do anything wrong.

Do you know what though? Ds is now 9 and I could not be closer to him or he to me. Even my friends say what an amaxingly close relationship we have. My failure to bond with him has not damaged our relationship and had the upside that he formed a very close relationship with dh as welll.

Don't beat yourself up. You did your best. Move on from there.

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