Thinking of becoming a SAHM, any advice, experience?

[MamaBlue4]

We've been in talks about it for years, since my dd was born nearly 2 years ago but there was never a right time and I was skeptical of how I would adjust from working full time and being around others everyday to staying at home and looking after the kids.

When I did work, my ds1 and dd were with relatives and it bugged me because I was scared that my kids would bond with them more than me because I wasn't there, but I enjoyed working (still do) I've been working since I was 16 and scared I'll become bored.

Since having the twins in September, the conversation has come up again and I'm considering it, I want to spend as much time with my kids as possible despite the fact that I take a year off after the birth of my dc. And now we're trying for baby #5.

We're well off financially to do this and I have enough savings and pennies saved to support myself w/out husband's money and my husband says he supports me in whatever I decide and suggested to go part time if I was still unsure after the year was up. Saying that, I'd like to make a decision sooner rather than later so I can plan things.

I have until September to decide, that's when my year up ends, then ds1 (5 in sept) will be in school full time. My dd will be 2 and the twins 1.

It's stressing me out and the twins can feel it which has made them fussy lately.

If any SAHMs who did work have any advice or a pep talk, I would love to here it because right now I'm edging towards it but just slightly.

Hi Mamablue, I am a sahm and have been for four years since my DS was born, we have two DC now and the youngest is one. I think the descision for me was easy because I didn't enjoy my day job and love being the main career for my DC. However, if I enjoyed my day job I would have stuggled more with my descision. You may not get back to where you are now career wise.

It does get lonely at first before you build up a network of friends - especially before the DC start school. It can feel quite monotonous some days, especially if your DH or DP works long hours (mine is currently working weekends as well as week days so the days feel long!).

On the plus side you get to be there for everything, see everything and be there when they are ill. Also you have the opportunity to do what you like all day (around them obviously) so if you feel like packing everyone up and going to the park or for a picnic you can. I have started up a business from home which I really enjoy so it can be an opportunity to do something different career wise. You might miss the break work gives you from the children, sometimes I think I would parent better if I had a break - but personally I wouldn't change anything.

Thank you, I think becoming lonely is one of the worries as well, I'm out going but it takes me a while to pluck up the courage to talk to people outside my job. I work in security with animals - I'll miss the animals more! Luckily my working dog is my own so I get to keep him.

My bosses are amazing and when I mentioned this to them years ago, they said they had no qualms with me going part-time and doing 16 hours a week.

Unless... why didn't I think of this before! - I have an idea but can't explain it yet.

Part time would probably be better for you. Reading yoru post, although I don't know you personally, I think that if you can go back part time, you should do this as you will probably get bored if you give up work altogether.

I am at home with the kids (I'm a childminder now) either young children and my own kids after school, and I love it, but it's not for everyone I have to admit.

DH is often around weekdays so we tend to have our family time during this part of the week, and I'm often on my own at the weekends with DC which can be lonely, but apart from this I enjoy being a SAHM.

I did have a career but packed it all in and have no regrets about this when I see what a great job I'm doing with raising the DC the way I want them raised. I'm around for them all the time (eldest in school now). I'm at home with a nearly 3yo who'll start nursery after summer holidays (preschool). Life is getting easier now.

Yes it does have it's lonely moments but there many advantages to SAH. You can plan your day as you please, don't have the stress of juggling childcare around your worklife, and you can spend lots of time with your DC. Life goes at a more leisurely pace, IMO.

Do what you feel is best for your family.

I worked part-time until dd was 5 (ds younger) and gave up mainly for work reasons - although I found it difficult to imagine dd having basically working weeks at school (with out-of-school provision) and then being in clubs all through the holidays.
I would suggest you going part-time to see if that works out better for you. If you enjoy your job, I would think it would be a great shame to leave completely - dependent upon how easy it would be for you to go back later.
I am really not a housework person and now ds is at preschool and dd is at school, I would like to have something that I could put my efforts into except for keeping up the home. I find having been in paid work all my life, like you, that I panic a bit at the thought of not being in paid work. Even though I have my savings from the rest of my working life (I pay for most of the food for the family, children´s clothes, piano lessons etc) I still panic that our household costs are not split absolutely 50-50 and at some point in the future my savings will dry up and it will all be down to dh.
I find the difference in our situations really difficult to deal with. Dh has a stressful job, I feel like I need more to keep me busy. Dh earns money, I don´t. Dh will have a decent pension, at this rate, I will have a very small pension. Dh has lots of contact with people at work, I feel like I never see a soul. Dh feels that now I´m at home (and I feel so aware that he´s financing my lark), everything in the house should be absolutely perfect. I want to do voluntary work and apply for jobs (which takes time away from housework) - and I´m afraid I´m just not a perfect house person. He could accept that better when I was bringing home more money than him..!. I think me being a sahm long term would be really bad for our relationship.
On the other hand, our childcare arrangements were/are such, that I hardly had time for a part-time job. I was really under such time pressure to collect from nursery in time. Never made it really. But, I also didn´t want ds in nursery any longer than that. I really want EVERYTHING - and have to accept that it´s not possible!

I'm shit at housework, I can clean to a basic level which I do mostly evertday, and tidy up - which I do twice a week. I refuse to fill my days with nothing but cleaning and tidying. I have OCD but only a mild case, so when I tidy everything has to be in a designated place and in a certain order. So it's not like I can't do housework.

At the minute I'm a SAHM, as I'm still on my year off, I was only a few months back at work after having my daughter, when I was back off work with the twins, I'm used to it but I miss working and I hate having to relay on my dh for a few things.

He doesn't mind, but I do and we need all the money we can get as we plan to move to Germany in the next few years to be near his family.

Thanks for the replies, I'm closer to my decision than I ever have been, when I decide I'll finally let you all know. Thank you!