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Original poster

I hate how my son dresses

34 replies

Misfit13 · 09/03/2013 21:29

This might sound trivial, but it's causing problems daily.
My just turned 3yo will not wear what I want him to wear and insists on wearing the very sort of things I can't stand, ie, jeans and 'Adidas' trainers, a horrible padded coat and - worst of all - a baseball cap emblazoned with the 'Diesel' logo. Obviously, I understand he needs to be allowed to express himself, but I don't want him to look like a mini teenager or a bloke going out on the town! I really really dislike scaled down adult clothes for children - and this is exactly what insists on wearing.
I'm on my own with 2 sons and am only working 2 days a week currently, so when my sister gives me her son's clothes I'm grateful, but she and her partner are very different to me. He's in to football and they love shopping and fashion - and labels. I like 'children's clothes - hand knitted hats, jumpers etc and loose, comfy trousers and tops. I keep some of the things for nursery, playing etc, but he wants to wear them all the time. He dug out a bag of clothes I'd put in the back of his wardrobe that I planned to give to friends who actually like that sort of thing and would enjoy putting it on their DS.
Just before Xmas, I ebayed some of my beloved Doctor Marten boots and kitted him out with winter clothes - a lovely warm coat with vintage planes on, lined tartan trousers, jeans with soft ribbed waisbands, furry lined boots, tops with dinosaurs, buses and motorbikes on, tank tops etc and he just won't wear them. As soon as I get out anything but the man-jeans and cap he goes nuts - crying, kicking, throwing himself down, pulling them back off. I don't want a battle over something this daft before nursery so have been letting him go in them, but, shallow as it sounds, I have to admit to feeling embarrassed by what he looks like. If he was insisting on a sunhat, tutu and wellies, I'd be ok with that - as long as he was warm enough - but he just looks crap!
I've tried compromising - going with the 'chav-wear' for nursery days and 'dad days' and the decent stuff for out and about, but he just gets upset/furious. This has been going on for about 6 months, now.
Is it worth the grief? Am I just being vain? His long hair looks ridiculous in the caps, BTW. If I can't persuade him to stop wearing them, I think I'll have to cut it :(

OP posts:

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VBisme · 09/03/2013 21:31

I think you're overthinking what a toddler looks like. If you really dislike the clothes don't accept them, then he won't have the option to wear them.

Aworryingtrend · 09/03/2013 21:37

when I read the title I thought you were going to say he was a 17 year old goth! Hes 3! You are the parent! You get to choose what he wears. I can't understand why you didn't just put tge clothes straight away out if sight. Fwiw I think youve confused him by letting him wear them for dressing up, presumably he now associatea the clothes as more fun than his normal clothes?

QTPie · 09/03/2013 21:40

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MortifiedAdams · 09/03/2013 21:42

Erm...so just dont have those clothes in the house.

pictish · 09/03/2013 21:43

So get rid of the clothes you don't like.
Just don't accept any more in the next size up.

RatPants · 09/03/2013 21:44

He's only 3! Get rid of all the clothes you aren't happy for him to wear and let him wear whatever he likes out of the new "selection".

I find you can make anything seem appealing to a 3yo if you act excited enough about it yourself.

Piemother · 09/03/2013 21:48

Ok so I wax definitely older than 3 bit when I was a kid my much older sister used to send me hand me downs from her kids. They were Topshop mostly. Every time I got something it was like Xmas and birthdays rolled into one amazing day. My dad especially used to rage about these clothes and hated me wearing them but I was in heaven (it was only baggy jumpers and leggings etc nothing provocative). That's the first thing the op made me think of.

I have a 3 year old whose v favourite clothes are second hand h&m dresses I bought off here for nursery. She thinks they are princess dresses and is overjoyed when I put them on for nursery. There is no such joy when I get out her lovingly splurged on jojo/joules/Boden clothes. That's kids for you!

However...you could politely deine the trainers next time by all edging his feet are a funny width or something

Original poster

Misfit13 · 09/03/2013 21:56

I guess I thought he could wear some of the stuff I don't really like for playing in the garden/going to his dad's (as things get wrecked there anyway!) and keep the stuff I bought for 'best', to save me money.
I thought putting the caps in his dressing up box was a compromise, but I think you're right and that I've made them more fun/attractive to him (tho why a child would prefer a large grey 'D' on a top, to cars, is beyond me!) Also, I didn't expect him to look in the wardrobe. Plus, I'm too polite to say anything when people buy him clothes I don't like for Xmas etc - and def. too soft to take them away from him and exchange them!
I suppose I just have to 'phase them out' but he will look for them as he really really likes them and is particularly attatched to the trainers.
I to tend to overthink things; I just think how I'd feel if my clothes were chosen by someone else!
Thanx for replying - I know people have much bigger things to worry about. I'm wondering if maybe I just don't want my child to look like a typical kid on a council estate (there, I said it), which is what he is. As am I.

OP posts:

PoppyAmex · 09/03/2013 21:57

"Obviously, I understand he needs to be allowed to express himself"

Give him some crayons and some paper, get rid of the offending clothes and offer him "choices" which are acceptable to you.

lifesobeautiful · 09/03/2013 21:59

I'm quite torn by this post. I do totally understand your not liking something your son is wearing, you're just human with tastes etc. And you're being totally honest which is great. BUT on the other hand, I also think it shows quite a lot of cleverness and initiative on your little boy's part that he recognises a style and likes to dress in it. I think it's so sweet and quite creative actually! He's obviously giving it some thought. I would be tempted to let him continue with those clothes if he already has them...I know my 2.5 year old has a memory like an elephant - if some of his favourite things disappeared he wouldn't let me forget! But if it continues to bother you, politely decline any future offerings in that style. It's a tricky one! good luck with it!

PuffPants · 09/03/2013 22:02

Are you serious? My 3 yr old wears what I put on him. He has never commented on his clothes or given them a second look. Chuck away the thug gear then he can't wear it.

TheCountessOlenska · 10/03/2013 08:20

I have a nearly 3 year old DD with strong opinions on clothes so I do sympathise! I agree with everyone who has said just get rid of the clothes you don't like - I have done this loads of times with hand-me-downs. Toddlers are hard work and one thing that gets me through the days is seeing DD in a nice outfit (chosen by her from MY selection)

The Disney princess dress rammed on top is another issue

dozily · 10/03/2013 08:31

I think I will disagree with the majority here... Let him wear the clothes, he's enjoying them and imo it's actually positive he's taking an interest. Presumably he'll grow out of them at some point in the next 12 months, so if it really bothers you that much, filter the next bag of clothes before he sees them.

No point upsetting him by taking away his favourite clothes, and if people really are judging him/you by what he wears then more the fool them.

spanky2 · 10/03/2013 08:39

When ds2 was 3 the only types of clothes I could get him to wear was shirts ,ties and sunglasses . He has grown out of it. He would wear sunglasses in the rain.

WeAreEternal · 10/03/2013 08:41

Give away/charity/eBay the clothes that you don't like and buy ones that you do, he is 3 for god sake, dress him in what you want, he really doesn't care, you are over thinking this massively.

spanky2 · 10/03/2013 08:43

In an ideal world they wear what you want but they know what they like and it is impossible to squeeze their squirming shrieking body into the clothes .

Startail · 10/03/2013 08:47

Children from 0-18 at least like to feel in control, it makes them feel safe and secure.

DD2 has done it all her life, BFing past school
age, being a fuss pot over food, caring what she wears or feeling she has to win at any game we play. As she got older she needed to fit in with her peers. She's 12 and still the same.

It's how she feels in control and safe.

DD1 (15) has a deep self confidence and doesn't feel the need to fight over every tiny thing or give a toss about peer pressure.

I've learnt to choose my battles, with DD2!

spanky2 · 10/03/2013 08:49

Exactly choose your battles!

TheArmadillo · 10/03/2013 08:49

Let him wear the clothes, as long as they are fit for purpose and not offensive.

He is not you, he has his own dislikes and likes albeit at a young age. He should be able to express those within reason and clothes are an easy way to do that.

This is probably not something that will go away. The older he gets the more he will assert himself. Think of this as practice

My 8 yo prefers clothes (and shoes in particular) I dislike but he's the one who has to wear them, and as long as they are in price range and fit for purpose then he gets them (think bright red shiny trainers).

colditz · 10/03/2013 08:50

Yes, you are just being vain.

upinthehills · 10/03/2013 08:52

This is surely a piss take. He is 3 - just charity shop the clothes that you don't like and dress him how you want.

My DS are a bit older and don't like jeans - they prefer track suit type trousers. We have compromised and they have smarter thick cotton tracksuit bottoms and rib waisted cotton trousers instead.

ohcluttergotme · 10/03/2013 16:32

I completely get where you are coming from. I've had exactly the same thing with my little boy. My sis-in-law gave me loads of clothes from my nephew & they like labels & mini men clothes. I like quite old fashioned clothes, cords with cute jumpers with planes etc. my son was there when she have us all the clothes & wanted to put everything on & some it just wasn't to my taste. I've went through the clothes & took out things that I really don't like & gave to a charity shop. My little boy is head strong & opinionated so I give him a choice out of a few things that are all things that I pretty much like.
If your like me you can't afford to buy lots of new clothes and it is great to get hand me downs. I get a bit like you with how he looks and don't want people at nursery to think he's chavvy but he probably looks cute in his wee baseball hat

bigTillyMint · 10/03/2013 16:37

At this age, surely you decide what clothes are in his wardrobe for him to choose from?

Clothes phases pass.

DS wore his sisters pink ballet (with tights) outfit/a Robin Hood (with tights) outfit/any outfit with tights at that age. By 5 he would only wear a footy kit. From 10 he would only wear a footy kit on the pitch

thing1andthing2 · 10/03/2013 19:34

My dd is three and I have learned to pick my battles. My good friend bought dd a beautiful embroidered cardigan and a lovely skirt for Christmas and birthday. I just knew there was no way dd would wear them, so I took them back to the shop and got dd a plain cotton hoody and some "jeggings" - plain, practical, not special and therefore no arguments about wearing them.
Just save your money next time, don't put a lot of thought into the winter wardrobe, it just causes fights when you want him to wear something special to you but not to him. Just pick things up in the charity shop and say yes to all the hand me downs.

paperclips · 11/03/2013 08:31

If money is making you feel you should accept the hand-me downs, you can still get plenty of nice non-chavvy clothes from charity shops and eBay. Maybe some of the handed down clothes are not as bad. Don't give him a choice. If it's brand name stuff, I'd sell it on eBay.

FWIW I wouldn't want my boy dressing like that either, I like kids to look like kids not mini-adults. But I know I am being vain and snobby and a bit unreasonable.

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