Has anyone had all their children close together?

[Guntie]

My DH and I are expecting our first child soon...

We have talked about family planning post pregnancy and for a number of reasons we both kind of ended up thinking it could be an idea to try and have our children relatively close together.

I fully appreciate I have no idea what I am getting myself into, and that I might not even be able to cope with one child. I also appreciate there could be many factors which come up which prevent this from happening.

However, I was hoping to hear of anyones experiences in having all their children close together?

We are keeping an open mind about how many children and when we would like to have them and are just planning to play it by ear once baby number 1 arrives, so nothing is set in stone so to speak. I am just curious to hear if others have bunched their children close together and how they found it.

Thank you!

I think mine are fairly close together. I have a 4 year old, and an 18 month old and am pg with my third and last. I love it, although obv it is stressful and more difficult in terms of actual care, because they aren't yet independent. My eldest two play and have such a funny time together and ds is very very loving and protective towards his little sister which is a big help for me. I am a strict routine organisational type, so kids are both bathed and put to bed at 7 after set meal times throughout the day. They are also great sleepers and always have been, and this is simply because of a stable routine where they know the deal. I'm sure you will love it and things like school/nursery runs are over much quicker for siblings close in age rather than a gap between an 8 year old and 4 year old for example. Depends how many you have. :)

i have 2 boys 13 months apart. Very tough when they were little and had two in nappies etc, but its worth it as they get older. My two get on really well (now 12 and 11) they actually choose to share a bedroom although they do have their own - it's great for holidays as they always have someone to do things with. Yes, they have their moments of fighting but they wouldn't be normal without that. You also get all your childcare issues at the same time but get over them pretty quickly, they share friends so you can get away with just inviting one friend over for a sleepover :o. Both boys and both born in the same sesaon so you can get away with passing on clothes for a good many years.

Disadvantages are: exhaustion when they are small, feel the eldest kind of missed out a bit on his babyhood, tendancy to treat them as twins a bit so eldest gets held back or youngest gets pushed forward. Baby years go really fast so now starting to feel childhood has gone so quickly with no little one left to cuddle :) Also, you end up with tons and tons of the same types of toys lego as they are pretty much at the same stage at the same time but still need their own Christmas and Birthday gifts.

After having two close together we decided against having a third which we may have gone for. However, probably unlikely as No1 took over 2 years to concieve so if we had left it longer maybe we wouldn't have had time for a No2 son never mind a No3.

I have three, now 19, 18, 16. 22 months then 26 months apart. Love it but the downside now is they are all leaving home at around the same time and the house has gone from utter chaos to deathly quiet seemingly overnight. Make sure your DH is really on board for the mess and chaos. Mine couldn't hack it at all and left for a more ordered life when they were young teens. And no one told me about the endless shopping for shoes...

Mine are grown now.
I had 5 with gaps of 16 months, 15 months, 20 months and 27 months. Then I had another 11years later (same man)
It was hard work but they played together, ate what was given them and wore each other out. It was great fun.
There was no jealousy as no.1 couldn't remember a time without no.2
I had unproblematic pregnancies.
The advantage now is that they are great friends. Two are parents and support each other. They all instinctively know how to look after babies.
The disadvantages are that you have to be super-organized and home life can, at times, become a bit regimented.
BTW I had no family living nearby and a husband who works away a lot.

I have 3 born in the same month, one year after the other (DC1 was 5 days off her 2nd birthday when DC3 arrived!!!!) but its okay. They all napped, they were all in nappies, they all had mush food (DC3 has eaten everything independently since 10months - he realised it was quicker to eat what was put in front of him than wait for mummy to finish serving everyone and feed him properly) they all toddled along holding hands (as previous poster said you are a lot stricter) no-one was babied or treated any different, they all went to sleep at the same time (they play tag-teams to have tantrums - at least one is being an angel while another strops) they are a genuine joy, like a little flock of ducklings trailing behind a duck (I'm sure I just called myself a duck )

I have a 18 month gap and then a 2 year gap.

I would say an 18 month gap is easier than 2 years.

A 2 year old wants to go out, be potty trained, get messy, have constructive activities which are difficult with a new born and 2 year olds often leave small pieces of toys lying around when a crawling baby is going by.

At 18 months they are more likely to be happy with playing in the house with less hazardous toys and let you read them a book while feeding rather than a 2 year old wanting you to paint while feeding.

But morning sickness with a 10 month old baby isn't fun, neither is lugging a baby around on your hip while heavily pregnant.

Having said that I couldn't comprehend having a big gap, it would drive me mad to have an older child and then go back to baby stage. Plus all three are young enough to enjoy the same games/programmes/days out and play really well together.

I totally agree with the jealousy thing - they can be a bit competitive but no jealousy at all. We also ran a tight ship discipline and organisation wise. But they were really good sleepers and would toddle straight up to bed as soon as they were told it was bedtime - still do :o

My Oh was at home with them as babies/toddlers and he has a very ordered routine.

I used to hate winter just because of the time it would take to actually get outdoors as both had to be helped with shoes/boots, coats, hats gloves etc. I'd be sweating and ready for a lie down by the time they were ready to go!

I had 3 in just over 3 years - 17 month gap then 19 month gap.
I agree with comments re. no jealousy, mine all adapted very well to younger sibling as they were so young so they never questioned it. They are very close and enjoy each others company and overall its nice having the close together.
What I find hard at times is making sure they get enough individual attention one to one, as they are normally all together

Between DD1 and DS I had a 15 months gap, followed by a 19 month gap to DD2 - meaning at one point I had three under-3s. I then had a respectable gap of nearly four years before DD3 came along.

I think the close gap between DC1 and DC2 was great.... but DC3 left me so exhausted I barely remember anything about her first year. Fortunately (or perhaps inevitably) she was a very placid, easy going baby, but looking back I wish I'd been able to enjoy her babyhood more.

I suppose what I'm saying is having babies close together can be great - and now my children are 12, 11, 9 and 5 I can see the benefits of the closeness, and the difficulty of the larger age gap (my five year old operates in a different world to her older siblings). But don't overdo it....

Thank you for sharing your stories with me

Scotty School runs etc certainly factored into our thinking. I am relatively young and plan to stay home until the children are going to school. Having them close together means that I would be back in work sooner and younger. We were hoping for three children (or there abouts, so nothing huge).

Soontobe I can only imagine how tiring it must have been at the start. I feel kind of lucky in that I have my Mum nearby who is still young herself and very eager to do anything to help us.

Sherbert I am sorry to hear about your husband. How horrible I also can't imagine what a shock to the system it must be to have a full nest then suddenly have it be empty. My parents were emptying their nest for +10 years which is one of the reasons me and DH were thinking to have them close together..

7to25 Sounds amazing. I can imagine you had to run a tight ship! I was bought up in a similar way (strict routine/food etc) so I am hoping to do the same with our children (but its all wishful thinking right now!)

Veremy That sound really lovely to me!

Clutching I can imagine it is tough to be caring for a very young one when you are pregnant. I have had a pretty easy pregnancy so far but each one is different and I have been lucky in that DH etc has been helpful.

I know its rather personal but did any of you breastfeed when TTC your subsequent children? I plan on BFing and wonder if its possible to continue to do so once you are pregnant. I read a bit about it on KellyMom but sometimes first hands accounts are useful too.

Thanks again for sharing your stories with me

I like the small gap. As someone else said if you get them in the same pattern/ routine it can be easier

Ours eat/ nap/ bath/ bed always at the same time. ( not same time of day, just at the same time together). Meaning bath time is say 20 mins start to finish, as you don't bath one, then the other after just put in at same time. Same with bedtime, we do the whole bath/ milk/ story routine with one adult and two child on one lap. So once one is tucked up in bed so is the other.

Also we found with a small gap (15 months), there was no jealously issues as too young. And they then also suit the same activities/ classes etc as they grow as generally the age groups cover a few years (say 2-4 years, 4-6 years etc)

You also get nappies/ pushchairs/ travel cots etc over in a few years tops. Same with toys, no tiny pieces to eat as neither have, or no baby toys and older toys creating twice the mess that you might have with say a baby and 7 year old.

And yes bf both children until 2 years ( approx)

I have 4, dd now 12, ds1 10 and dts nearly 8.

I like having them close together, they all tend to be entertained by the same sorts of things, it was a relief to have all off to school when I see parents still doing the baby stages with their number 2/3/4. I think the big thing for me, is I enjoy older children more to the baby stages, so I love now having 4 children I can do more with and not being held back by a baby or a toddler! I think it is good for the kids too - the three boys love playing football together.

I bfed each to 6 months then stopped through choice, but it is perfectly possible to continue through pregnancy and tandem feed with a baby and an older children. I fed twins but never two of different ages.

I bf both mine, first for ony 6 weeks though as I had a lot of problems and no support. Had mastitus twice, then thrush in the breast (v. painful) and he had constant latching problems. He was also 9lb 13, had projectile vomiting and I'd had a section after 36 hours proper labour (he was back to back and stuck) and a day of early labour before that. Also had sacroiliac hyp dysfuction so labouring positions were limited. So I was pleased to have made it that far to be honest. I was back at work when he was 4 and a half months old - went back pregnant .

Had same hip issues with No2 so that made it quite difficult looking after No1 when husband at work but had no family nearby. He was still a big lad but obligingly walked early and we taught him to go up and down stairs safely (crawl up/slide down feet first on tummy) so I didn't have to carry him very much. He'd climb up so I just had to drop him into his cot too. He was a very good boy :) - He had to do that for a while too as I had another section with No2.

Bf No2 until 5.5 months when I went back to work. He fed like a dream and only issue was trying to get him to take a bottle so I could get back to work. Wee monkey :)

3 within 19 months here (DD then DTs). Love it now, can't remember much of the DTs first year. Agree with the advantages given above - playing together/same stage/less jealousy issues etc. Disadvantages - bloody hard work when they're small, less individual attention, when I see singleton babies I feel awful about how little attention DTs got (esp DTD whose placid nature meant she was largely left to herself while I dealt with colicky/refluxy DTS). On the whole I wouldn't change it at all.

There is 21 months between my dses, now 8 and 10. They are only a school year apart, it's great!

It was hell when they were tiny, ds1 was a demanding toddler and ds2 was a challenging baby. It didn't last though, after the first year it got a whole lot easier and they are now the best of friends. It is a constant source of joy for me because they have a closeness I never had with my siblings, long may it last.

Mine are fairly close. I have a 4 year old, a 22 month old, and 5 month old twins and we're trying to conceive a 5th. I prefer them closer in age.

I had 3.5 years between my two and that worked fine for me. It meant I had a nice long time with just the elder DD before younger one arrived and she was potty trained and sleeping through by the time I had a newborn. I think sometimes you go with what you know. There is 3.5 years between me and my only sibling and my DH also has a similar age gap between him and his sister.

We had our 4 eldest DCs 5-and-a-half years apart. There is 19 months between DC1 &2, then 2 years and 2 years. We did have jealousy issues. DC1 couldn't speak well when DC2 was born but told me to put the baby down every time he woke up.

DC1, 2 and 3 all had a go at spraying something in the next one down's face and pushing them down the stairs .

It is physically very hard in the early years, especially when you have 2 or more in nappies at once. It takes so long to get them all ready to go out that it isn't worth the effort. You need double buggies and more hands than you actually possess.

The benefits were that they all wanted to do the same thing at the same time, and they've all got closer as they got older. They are all adults now and maintain contact with each other apart from us.

Downside of 2-school-year gaps is several years of simultaneous Y9 SATS/ GCSEs/ Alevels. Stress levels through the roof.

My mum had 4 children in 4.8 years. As the oldest of those 4 children I wouldn't particularly recommend it.

From a child's point of view that is, I'm not sure if my parent's would recommend it or not.

My mum had 6 in just over 7 years and then another 4 years later. No idea how it was for her but we had a riot :o

Strangely despite that my two at 13 months and 4 days apart are closer than any of her gaps.

Ive got a pair and a spare Twins and an extra 13 months later.Would you manage if you concieved twins?
I think it was the most difficult when they were under 3 from logistical point of view.3 same sized car seats 3 high chairs no hand me downs 3 cots triple buggy etc . Iworry about university fees school trips happen at the same time and can be costly.But they are lovely children brilliant at sharing and compromise Now they are older holidays and days out are a doddle they all like the same thing have similar abilitys.I would definatly say its worth it in the end.Pregnancy with a baby is not fun I was crying tired sometimes.

I had 3 under 3, I think it worked really well in some ways. The baby days were fairly easy as we had a strict routine that they all followed, they all slept, ate and were bathed at the same time. I have always found it great that one activity entertains everybody as they are all at similar stages.

However they are now 6,5 and 4 and it is definitely getting harder. Everyone has an opinion that they want to voice, they can fight and argue constantly, trying to give each person the support they need with homework, reading books etc is really tough.

I would not change the gaps for the world, they are complete support and best friends for each other, but I often feel like I am spread too thin and can feel guilty over that. I think alot of that though is our personal circumstances as we are forces so no family to help out.

We have three with 18m and 21m age gaps. Tough at first but they now operate like a little swarm of bees - usually in the same place at the same time. It's great fun. Ages 4, 5 and 7.