Is shyness a personality type or is it preventable?

[sharond101]

DH tells me he was very shy as a child. I dislike the thought of DS being this way as I think he would miss out on alot of fun and friendships. I suggested we should get DS involved in sports/clubs/groups etc to encourage him not to be shy, DH said it was a personality type and if DS turns out shy we can do nothing about it, is he right? DS is only 9mo, planning in advance with this!

I think it's mostly nature, but nurture plays a part.

I agree with ledee and mechanical. The absolute worst thing you can do is make him feel not good enough because he's shy. Embrace who he is, don't try and change him.

Confidence is what makes someone happy and he can be confident in being shy if you support him to be.

I think you have to remember there is nothing wrong with being shy as long as you are shy but still have self-esteem and confidence in your ability. IMO there is nothing more lovely than a person who is quietly confident and content who has a wonderful personality but doesn't thrust it in your face.

DD 2 was always very shy, when she was younger it was linked to low self-esteem and confidence but as she grew up from a wonderful school who really praised and recognised her positives, and us doing the same at home, she became a lovely, calm, quietly content girl. She was really popular at school because she was so reliable and a great friend, she is a nice and fun person to be around and be friends with.
She is now at uni and far from shy most of the time but she isn't at all overpowering and is far from the annoyingly celebrated loud types who are always screeching with joy, interrupting or generally talking about themselves non-stop. She has a go at things, is on all sorts of committees and societies and is popular from her caring, funny, friendly personality.

I love her for her personality and know she is happy. I made the mistake when she was young of critising her shyness, saying things like 'ah don't be so shy, go and do X' etc. or 'DD2 woulnt do that, she is too shy' and letting others say similar about her. It made her play to that trait that we had labelled her with and feel she wasn't good enough, making her less likely to have a go. When I realised and changed my attitude, it made a huge huge difference.

O and to answer the question I think shyness is innate but how it is acted out is nurture

Sorry should read threads properly and hence not repeat what others have said!!

Also, this is a great clip about introverts.www.ted.com/talks/susan_cain_the_power_of_introverts.html

I was extremely shy as a child, and blushed all the time, which didn't help. Grew out of it in my teens, and had forgotten all about it til DD came along. I think that left to her own devices she would be really shy and retiring, whilst wanting to join in but not knowing how.

I've tried to pass along strategies to help her, made sure she has a wide circle of friends in and out of school, and will insist on politeness to adults and children alike. More than that I can't do.