Toddler staying at grandparents...

[moonmanic]

I am a single mum to 18 month old dd. She is currently staying with her DGs so that I can get some rest - I am a full time student and also have been recovering from a nasty cold and I asked them if they could help me as I was so tired I don't think I could think straight.

She went on Monday, originally for 2 nights, but I spoke to my mum today and we have agreed that she will come back tomorrow. I feel a million times better for the rest that I have had. On the monday I slept from 3pm to 11pm then from 1am to 11:30am!

The issue I have is, having spoken to DD's dad about her staying away, he has expressed concern that she is staying away for too long and that he is worried that DD will think I/we have abandoned her. This has made me feel guilty. Do you think 3 nights away from mum is detrimental to a 18mth old?

The second issue I have is that although i have this guilt, I also feel like I'm really benefiting from the time off and am really enjoying it. It may sound awful, but to be really honest, I've hardly missed DD at all. This makes me think I'm a bad mum She is incredibly demanding (as all toddlers are) and although I do love her, raising her predominantly on my own is exhausting.

I suppose I'm posting to find out if any others have had such a long time away from the LO's at this age, or am I just being selfish?

My parents have had my DD to stay since about that age to give me a break too. Admittedly it's normally only for one or two nights but she's built up an incredible bond with them. One night isn't enough to feel you've had a proper break and I really wouldn't feel guilty about it. You need this time to recharge your batteries and she'll be so excited to see you tomorrow

As long as your DDs bond with her grandparents is good and she is happy to stay with them, I don't think 3 nights is too long. Like QT said, she'll be enjoying lots of attention and doting no doubt!

I have a DH and when he goes away for work for several days and I am solely responsible for DS (also toddler age) it is exhausting both physically and mentally. I think if I multiplied that feeling by 100 it would probably be akin to what it's like raising a toddler as a single mum, so I think the way you are feeling is completely normal, and you DEFINITELY deserve a break. You need to take care of yourself in order to take care of your DD.

Also think of it this way, you're enjoying your time off and not really missing her because you know she is in safe hands with your parents. If that wasn't the case you wouldn't have been able to relax.

13mo has regularly spent overnights with my parents. I think the longest has been them collecting her from the CM on a Wednesday afternoon (so would have last seen me and DP in the morning) and I didn't go to my parents until the Saturday morning. She was 11mo at the time. She didn't notice at all - was very happy with my parents, and equally was happy to see me when I arrived.

It's easy to get a sense from MN sometimes that this sort of set up is not common and that, like your exP says, it is bad for the baby. But if everyone is happy there is nothing wrong with it at all. I'm with QT, I think it is great that your DD and your parents are getting some real quality time together and hopefully as she grows up they will continue to be close. And you're a single mum, studying, and poorly - good lord, you MORE than deserve a bit of R&R! You'd have been just as justified in your DD spending a night or two with your parents just so you could go out and catch up with some friends and have a bit of 'me' time!

If your ex is so concerned, couldn't he take her as well and give you some time off?!