WWYD: DS changed his mind about play at friends

[hillbilly]

DS (5) has been invited to a friend's house for tea tomorrow to which we had said yes (2nd time there). Yesterday he told me he does not want to go. When asked why he said the boy was mean to him and broke something he made from lego last time he was there. I said of course it was fine for him not to go but for him to think about it today and let me know if he changes his mind. DS and this boy are friends at school and we have had him over to ours once as well.

Not sure whether to make up a lame excuse or say we have double booked or tell the truth to the mum.

Can you actually hear yourself making an excuse about broken Lego as a reason to not go. I'm cringing.

I think you'd have had an out if you'd cancelled straight away, but to leave it I the last minute is bad form on your part as he other child has probably been looking forward to it.

Its supposed to be fun, if he doesn't want to go, neither child will enjoy it. At 5 he doesn't need to learn about commitment or sticking to arrangements!

If my DCs (or more accurately I) have arranged something and they are not feeling 100%, say they are too tired etc or had a falling out with their friend, I would politely explain to the other parent that they don't feel up to it this week and suggest we rearrange. The other parents are always understanding, as I would be in that situation.

Its most often postponed due to illness, so its really no bother to cancel or move the day - I'd rather that than have a whiney/poorly/miserable child to play.

Seriously you would force a 5 year old into a situation they don't want to be in? Just say sorry he has changed his mind, maybe next time, if you are embarrassed just say how fickle they are at this age. I agree though you should encourage him to not be holding a grudge, but if he doesn't want to go it would benefit no one in forcing him.

I also think its incredibly important to listen to children and if they don't want to be somewhere they are not happy or comfortable then its our job as parents to listen.

She's sending him round to play, not sending him down a mine FFS.

Exactly and he doesn't want to go, it should not be compulsory.

The Lego being just an excuse isn't the issue, the real issue is the op accepting the invite without checking with her DS first.
We had an issue with another boy deciding my DS was his best friend, who my DS couldn't actually stand (they're nearly 6). The mum was a bit peeved at our refusal of playdates, but I had no intention of forcing ds2 into friendships he didn't want.

Bloody hell, if someone invited me to their house now and they broke my Lego I wouldn't go again, even if my mother had accepted on my behalf. How do you know this kid isn't a complete nightmare? Surely a playdate or whatever you want to call it should be fun for the kids, not something they dread and don't want to be at.

Well I have spoken to the mum who said that, yes her DS had said today they they had "fallen out" and that my DS had said he wasn't going over. Cancelling/postponing was no big deal to her. I'm sure they will be friends again soon. He's not going, nobody is upset over it. Case closed.

Interesting debate ladies. I understand about teaching commitment and following through very well, which we have had to implement on many occasions. This, however will not be one of them.

Callisto - not at all. I thought that the only person I could think of who would actually call off a playdate over a broken lego model, is the mother of this only boy I know...the whole thing just made me think of her.
I then wondered if the OP's dc was an only. I didn't assume at all.
Sorry to disappoint.