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Original poster

So dd doesn't want nappies at night any more ... but I don't think she's ready yet

89 replies

WigWamBam · 03/05/2006 12:14

There's no way on earth she can go through the night. Her nappy is always wringing wet in the morning, and when I ask her if she's awake when she wees she says no. We have reminded her (gently!) over and over again that she has a potty in her bedroom, or she can go to the toilet, but she has never used either. About 9 months ago she asked to try without nappies, managed one dry night, then was wet for the next 7 nights and got so distressed that she begged for nappies again.

When I went in this morning she had taken her nappy off at some point - not long before, I think, as it was dripping wet - and she told me that "I'm too old for a nappy. I want to do it properly like you do, without having to wear a horrible wet nappy".

What do I do? I'm really torn - I hate to set her up for failure, but I know that she's not ready to be dry at night. But I also hate to refuse her something she's so keen to try. I know about the hormone that's meant to kick in to keep them dry at night, and I have been happy to keep her in nappies until she is ready, but what now?

I know that many people swear by lifting but that is not an option - she's nearly 5 and a big girl, so heavy to lift, plus she wakes very easily and takes ages to get back to sleep again. I also think that taking her to wee in her sleep isn't going to train her not to wee in her sleep, if you get my drift.

AAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

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Original poster

WigWamBam · 08/05/2006 10:20

How did he get on, elliott?

Dd would far rather be without them, and wasn't too bad the first couple of nights, but Saturday night really upset her, hence going back to nappies. I've tended to be very laid-back about it all, it hasn't been an issue that she's still wearing nappies at night-time, but she's obviously picked up bad vibes about them from somewhere as she told me on Saturday she just wanted to be "normal" like me

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elliott · 08/05/2006 13:19

well, he was dry this morning! So we will have to plough on I think.
I admire you for trying to keep your dd reassured and calm. I think because ds1 doesn't appear motivated/bothered, I tend to be a bit heavy with him, which is probably not a good idea as it may make him anxious/upset, even though he doesn't seem to show it. I think I will try very hard to be completely laid back (ha!) in the hope that if he is more relaxed it will be more likely to happen. I've been wondering if the reason he's been so bad since we took the nappies off is because suddenly he has to worry about it - it may be the key is not thinking about it. So I will try not to mention dry pyjamas unless there is a success to be celebrated! (maybe I should set up a star chart for myself....)

Original poster

WigWamBam · 08/05/2006 13:26

Oh, well done him!

I think that being laid-back is certainly the way to go; it is for me and dd anyway. I've always been of the mindset that it's not worth forcing until they're ready ... the problem I have now, like you, is that she now thinks she's ready when she's not.

We were very laid-back with potty training, and I've tried to be as relaxed as possible with her pooing issues, although that has been easier said than done. I think you could be on to something with a star chart for adults ...

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secur · 08/05/2006 13:32

WWB, it is not a step back it is simply relaxing a little before your next step forward! I like the sticker chart idea, especially as it seems to speak to her.

Have you started talking to your GP about it? I know she is far too young yet to go down that route but I found that the ideas the community nurse came up with for dd could be usefull starting points for the others too, really it was just a very good resource to get fresh ideas.

Matonic · 08/05/2006 13:35

We're on a stop-start regime with ds and his 'big boys' pants' as well. It's difficult when they get upset, either about waking up wet in the mornings, or wearing a nappy at all - you don't want the whole thing to become a traumatic Issue. Having gone through several months of lifting, I agree that it's no solution.
Ds is currently in Dry Nites pants, and I've found he's a lot more resigned to wearing them if we never, never, mention the N-word. They have to be called Big Boys' Pants, or Night Pants, or similar.
Some way down this thread, someone suggested that your dd may be (subconsciously) more relaxed about weeing in the night when wearing a nappy - oddly enough, ds is most likely to be dry when we're staying away somewhere overnight, so I reckon there may well be something in that.
Love the idea about layering waterproof sheets as well - why did I never think of that?

Blackduck · 08/05/2006 13:38

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Original poster

WigWamBam · 08/05/2006 13:41

secur, it feels like a step back - hopefully dd doesn't see it as that though. I haven't spoken to the GP about it because up until now it wasn't an issue - she wasn't ready so we didn't try and force it. I'm very laid back about these things normally. I spoke to a HV about it in passing a year or so ago, as part of a conversation with regard to dd's pooing issues, and they basically aren't interested until the child is 7 when she would be referred to a continence specialist.

Matonic, she probably is more relaxed about weeing at night with a nappy ... I guess she's used to having it there and doesn't even think about weeing at night.

Actually I'd forgotten that she called us at midnight last night crying because she'd weed in her nappy - she'd tried to get up, hadn't managed in time, and was upset because she'd wanted to surprise us by having managed to go to the loo. Maybe we're not going backwards that far after all.

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Original poster

WigWamBam · 08/05/2006 13:42

Oh, thanks for that, Blackduck - will have a look.

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secur · 08/05/2006 13:46

See - it is not backwards!

I am surprised that they said they would send you to a continence specilist, we worked with the district nurse for a long time not a specialist (which I think would have caused dd lots of probs).

I think the relaxed approach is best as well and if she is trying thigs like getting out of bed then you are definitly on the right road, I was more meaning to get some tips from the district nurse as they can be really good (things like stretching the bladder, using sticker charts for how many drinks in a day etc etc)

Mum2Ela · 08/05/2006 13:47

WWB I haven't read the rest of the thread but my DD was the same, adament she would not wear a nappy to bed. About 8 months down the line we have more dry beds than wet ones, but sometimes we can have as many as 3 wet ones a week, but then go for a couple of weeks without any accidents.

Perseverence is the key. It won't go on forever (I keep reminding myself).

Also, there doesn't seem to be any pattern to when DD wees. She can have a full cup of milk / water / juice before bed and have a wee or not, and she can still wee or not. She can have her last drink at 5pm and still manage to wee the bed a 6am! She's all over the shop!

Good luck. x

Original poster

WigWamBam · 08/05/2006 13:52

secur, I don't even know if we have a district nurse around here ... maybe I should have another chat with the HV. It was just that the HV said she would have to be referred to an incontinence specialist - maybe she didn't mean it the way I took it. I would certainly prefer to talk it over with a nurse for a while rather than present dd to a specialist. Like you, I think that would present more problems than it would solve.

You're right, Mum2Ela, it won't go on forever. It just feels like it!

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secur · 08/05/2006 13:58

I have to say, in your position I would be tempted to go to the HV/GP and say you want some support with it, mainly because sooner or later she will get stressed out about it, it would be good if she could be dry before that happened.

The other thing that I would do (and this is easy to say ) is get her ready for next time, then, when she is ready do it and don't turn back, no matter what! It is hard to do as you seem to be forever changing beds but eventually you do start to get the balance tipping the other way.

anyway, you have both done really well, if she is waking up then this is a good step and I am really pleased for you all.

Original poster

WigWamBam · 08/05/2006 14:02

Mmm, might have a chat with the HV. I haven't met the new one yet; my old HV was lovely but the last time I contacted the new one she didn't even bother returning my call. The GP would probably be a waste of time - he usually is.

Thanks for the support xx

OP posts:

secur · 08/05/2006 14:03

hmm, another gp like that! oh hooray!

Anyway, good luck with it for next time and wishing dd well

Secur xx

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