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Original poster

So dd doesn't want nappies at night any more ... but I don't think she's ready yet

89 replies

WigWamBam · 03/05/2006 12:14

There's no way on earth she can go through the night. Her nappy is always wringing wet in the morning, and when I ask her if she's awake when she wees she says no. We have reminded her (gently!) over and over again that she has a potty in her bedroom, or she can go to the toilet, but she has never used either. About 9 months ago she asked to try without nappies, managed one dry night, then was wet for the next 7 nights and got so distressed that she begged for nappies again.

When I went in this morning she had taken her nappy off at some point - not long before, I think, as it was dripping wet - and she told me that "I'm too old for a nappy. I want to do it properly like you do, without having to wear a horrible wet nappy".

What do I do? I'm really torn - I hate to set her up for failure, but I know that she's not ready to be dry at night. But I also hate to refuse her something she's so keen to try. I know about the hormone that's meant to kick in to keep them dry at night, and I have been happy to keep her in nappies until she is ready, but what now?

I know that many people swear by lifting but that is not an option - she's nearly 5 and a big girl, so heavy to lift, plus she wakes very easily and takes ages to get back to sleep again. I also think that taking her to wee in her sleep isn't going to train her not to wee in her sleep, if you get my drift.

AAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

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Original poster

WigWamBam · 05/05/2006 11:10

I'm hoping that's the case, secur - can't think why it didn't occur to dh to make sure she went to the toilet before she went to bed, we've been doing it for ages to try and get her into the right routine for when she was ready.

I'm pleased she was positive this morning, because she gets herself so wound up about things like this normally. Hopefully we handled it in the right way for her though.

Blackduck, she drank bucketfulls yesterday - it was so hot and we were out and about, so she went through a lot of liquid. She has less in the evenings - she has a drink with her tea at about 5pm, then another small drink with supper half an hour before she goes to bed which I didn't think was too bad.

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secur · 05/05/2006 11:23

TBH, the advice where there is any bladder weakness is not to hold back drinks and in fact the more they can drink the better as it stretches the bladder meaning they can physically hold more liquid. My favorite is to get them to drink bucket loads during the day and then stop that after tea with a small drink at supper time then toilet before bed. It seems to work, even one dd with enuresis responds well to it.

It sounds like you did a good job at keeping her upbeat about it - now you need to give yourselfa little boost too you are doing great - keep going!

Original poster

WigWamBam · 05/05/2006 11:29

Ohhhh, thank you ... trying to stay upbeat and positive about it, all the while with a sinking heart and thinking that we're on a hiding to nothing!

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Littlefish · 05/05/2006 13:18

The fact that your dd is still positive about it is a great sign. Has she said anything about wanting her nappy again? If she is determined not to wear one, then can you bear to keep going for a few more days to see what happens?

Let us know how you get on tonight.

Original poster

WigWamBam · 05/05/2006 13:27

She didn't even mention her nappy when we had to get up in the night, just got changed into a fresh nightie and back to bed. No mention of it this morning either. I will take my lead from her for now; if she doesn't want the nappies anymore then I am happy to give her a bit of time - maybe a week or two to see whether it all settles down - before I broach the subject of having a nappy again. I'm knackered because I haven't been able to sleep for waiting for her to call me though!

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Blackduck · 05/05/2006 13:30

WWB - I guess you have to grit your teeth and think 'well when she gets this I can get a good nights sleep'...You have started so I think you must finish!

Original poster

WigWamBam · 05/05/2006 13:35

But how long do you give it though before you decide it's not going to happen? Generally I agree that once you start you have to finish but I have visions of still not having cracked it in three months time!! I think I just have to play it by ear a little bit for now and see how it goes.

Apart from anything else, knowing dd I suspect that if she is still not dry 75% of the time in a couple of weeks time she'll be desperate to have a nappy and a dry bed again.

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secur · 05/05/2006 13:40

you stick at it as long as she does and when she wants a rest then let her and gently build her up to try again at a later date (I think it is important that you don't suggest the nappies just make sure she knows they are there so she can fall back on them oif she wants). I can imagine the no sleep thing is harsh - but lets face it most of our newborn babies gave us perfect training for this stage lol!

My dd with enurisis is still occasionally wet after 10 years, however another went through a stage that lasted a few weeks, ds "got it" on the first night, just keep telling yourself and her it will happen.

Original poster

WigWamBam · 05/05/2006 13:44

I shan't mention nappies again - last time she tried it was dd who asked for a nappy again because she had been so upset by it.

The sleep thing is my own daft fault really - I'm lying awake waiting for her to call me to either help her to the toilet or because she's wet ... I've had no sleep at all both nights. Broken sleep I can stand; no sleep at all I'm not so keen on! I guess that'll stop soon enough.

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secur · 05/05/2006 13:50

yup, that is def a parent thing isn't it! I sat up half the night incase DS woke up and was scared of the spider on the wall - like he would notice one when he had just woken up all bleary eyed in the middle of the night!

I am sure exhaustion will cure you soon!

Original poster

WigWamBam · 05/05/2006 13:52

Well, it's kill or cure with these things, isn't it

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secur · 05/05/2006 13:53

elliott · 06/05/2006 11:07

WWB how are things going? We are having a disaster here but will start another thread I think.
Does your dd wake up when she is wet?
I can really sympathise with the no sleep thing - I am constantly waking up to hear if ds1 has stirred at all so that I can leap out of bed and check if he is wet (he never tells me).
We have had wet pillow, wet duvet, you name it.

Original poster

WigWamBam · 06/05/2006 11:30

Sympathies, elliot! Last night was an unmitigated disaster. Wet at 10.45, wet at 3am, wet when she woke up. She says she woke up the first time and tried to get to the toilet but couldn't stop weeing, but otherwise she doesn't wake up - I think she generally wakes up later. I suspect the reason the pillows and duvets are getting wet as well is because she doesn't wake - it soaks in and wicks up, plus she rolls around and other bits of bedding get wet too.

Am on a hiding to nothing, I think.

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elliott · 06/05/2006 11:45

Have just had a surreal conversatino with ds1. me' how do you think its going without your pullups at night' him 'fine' me 'fine?' him ' yes because I've stayed dry most of the time'. hmmmm. He is definitely awake when we change the bed!!
Ds1 can normally go through with just one wee. Unlike your dd though he isn't so keen to get up and go to the loo. He seems to have little recollection of the nights events in the morning. Yes, we have big damp patches all over the bed too....

Original poster

WigWamBam · 06/05/2006 11:49

I suppose they think one wee is no big deal - compared to the amount of times they go during the day. Plus we don't make a song and dance about it when they have an accident, so they don't think it's any great shakes. Plus their agenda is different to ours - they might not think it was going so well if they were having to deal with the wet PJs, sheets and things!!

Dd still insists she's never going to wear a nappy again ...

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Original poster

WigWamBam · 06/05/2006 23:07

So we've had the first wet bed already tonight, she called me because she'd lost her duvet, she hadn't even realised she was wet.

I really am on a hiding to nothing here, there is no way that she's ready for this at all.

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fuzzywuzzy · 06/05/2006 23:09

WWB can you put her in up-pants over night?? It will save you the wet sheet changes....

Original poster

WigWamBam · 06/05/2006 23:15

It doesn't save on sheet changes because they leak horribly ... we had her in the Easy Up pants for ages but they just don't cut the mustard anymore. And as she doesn't wake up when she wees it's not even as if she needs to be able to pull them up and down to go to the loo.

Feel like I'm banging my head up against a brick wall now.

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NotAnOtter · 07/05/2006 00:17

mine have walked to the loo guided by me when half asleep ...they dont remember next day!

NannyL · 07/05/2006 01:43

ok i had a child like that who regularly soaked the duvet / pillow etc...

I found that those bed mat things (the washable ones from mothercare REALLY helped.... and although i found they DIDNT (often) keep the sheet dry underneath (because he would wriggle and roll off of it a bit) they did absorb enough to stop the rest of the bedding (ie duvet and pillow, not duvet cover and pillow case) from being soaking if you see what i mean.

May be worth investing in a few!

also can you dress the bed in a few layers of waterprrof sheet, bed sheet, waterpoof sheet / bed sheet etc, so at night you simply remove a layer and have a dry layer underneath...

also do you have a spare duvet that you can have a dry cover already on.... it means you can do night changes in little more than a minute while you take off a layer and swap a duvet.... and leave all the 'faffing' until morning when you are supposed to be awake !

GOOD LUCK

Original poster

WigWamBam · 07/05/2006 08:43

NannyL, we have one of those washable waterproof things that goes on top of the sheet - I was going to get another one yesterday but they were out of stock everywhere I tried. We have a woven waterproof sheet thing on top of the mattress, then one of the care mat things, then a sheet, then the waterproof thing - somehow everything still gets drenched, and I think it's because she's moving around in her sleep. Am considering using the care mats three at a time!

We have one spare duvet, but at the moment it doesn't seem to be enough.

She asked for a nappy back on when she was wet (again) at 2am so we put one on, but she's already said that she's not going to have one on tonight because she doesn't like them any more

I'm still convinced she's nowhere near ready but she's adamant that she is.

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Original poster

WigWamBam · 07/05/2006 19:02

Well, looks like we're giving up for now ... she asked for a nappy tonight because although she hates nappies, she hates wet beds even more.

I have agreed with her that we will start a sticker chart, and she'll get a sticker for every morning her nappy is dry. When we get 5 dry nights in a row she can try again.

Many thanks everyone ... I know this is a step backwards but I really don't think we were getting anywhere. Once she started to be upset by it the following day it was never going to work.

Ho hum ... I wonder how long it'll be before she's ready now.

OP posts:

cazzybabs · 07/05/2006 19:33

One of my friends who is a nurse, said actually not giving them enough to drink can cause them to wet the bed as well as having too much to drink!

We lift our dd1 out and she always does a wee and then goes back to sleep! Maybe try that - wake her up, ask her to get out of bed and do a wee in the potty and then get back into bed.

elliott · 07/05/2006 19:47

WWB I think we will be giving up tomorrow too - one more night with lifting tonight.
At least your dd doesn't like wet beds - my ds1 is completely indifferent to them. But it must be disheartening if she is upset about it - again, I know ds1 won't kick up a fuss about going back to nappies, though he'd rather be without them.

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