I think son has self esteem issues, and I don't know whether to worry about it or not?

[fancyanother]

My DS, aged 5 has always been a sensitive soul, was always a bit cautious, didn't walk until 18 months, although was walking holding onto my finger for months before, always a bit reticent in situations with large gatherings etc. but he's always been sociable and popular. However recently, he's started saying that nobody likes him, and all his friends are being horrible to him, no adults like him etc. (his dad has a similar negativity trait, but he's 40, not 5 and would probably trace it back to his parenting, which is what is worrying me a bit!) This is clearly not true. When I pick him up from school, he has loads of kids saying 'hello' to him. The latest child that 'hates' him invited him for a playdate that morning!
We really make it a big thing to praise him for anything he does (he's an excellent artist!) but it seems we can't correct him without him having histrionics about how useless he is and how he can't do anything.
I lost my temper with him today, which I'm not proud of, because he said he was hungry three times since coming back from school, and when I made him something to eat, didn't eat it/ decided he no longer liked it/ didn't want cucumber in his sandwich etc . My mother is round and he spent ages chatting to her about all his friends who hate him, and how grandma hates him because she asked me how his writing was, and how nobody likes him.

I thought it was just an attention seeking thing, so have just said ' No, that's not true- I'm sure your friend didnt mean to tear your picture/ you've been invited to this friends' house etc etc, and largely then not mentioning any more about it, but now both my DH and mother think it's a major problem, I'm not sure I'm dealing with it in the right way. Any ideas?

I have a sensitive/negative one of 7.

I would do as you have done and show him with evidence the positive of side of things, such as the friend inviting him. Then we move on. And if he won't I let him grumble to himself for a bit before once again moving on!

It always helps if I stay neutral / non-emotional during the strops but positive at other times but I know it's not easy! I am often frustrated.

What do your DH and mother suggest?

I started this thread yesterday about how to improve self esteem.

Hopefully, there may still be parts of it may be of relevance for a 5 year old?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/a1694790-Self-esteem-Please-share-with-other-MNetters-how-you-managed-to-improve-it

Because we had a family history among grandparents of depression I read up on positive psychology well before we got to this stage. A book I found sound was Martin Seligman "The Optimistic Child". Very American and a rather wordy if you are looking for quick answers but interesting on how to change a pessimistic mindset in school aged children.

We get the want it / don't want it / want it as you described with the sandwich. One solution is more autonomy: so you could give him the sandwich fillings on a side plate to fill his own sandwich. Not always possible of course when time is tight but independence can give a real boost when words of praise just don't cut it. Good luck!

Thanks everyone. I did manage to get to the bottom of it in the end- he had his birthday party at the weekend- his first one with all his friends. I think the whole thing was because he was nervous about the party! Weird for a 5 year old, I thought, but he seems back to normal now. He does have a general tendency to be a bit negative though, so I will read through all the stuff in preparation for next time!