Starting nursery and separation anxiety in 2.7 year old DD

[Haggisfish]

Hello,
My DD has just started nursery. So far, she has been looked after by my Mum while I am at work, and me when i'm not at work. She has been fine to be left with my Mum and for the odd night away with my DH - missed me a bit, but easily distracted and not upset. However, the nursery we chose had a policy of no settling in sessions - just straight in with a whole day session, minimum of two days a week. Since the first day, my DD has been really upset whenever I am not with her, crying for Mummy, even when with my Mum (very unusual). She cried a for a lot of the time while at nursery and bawled when I picked her up, saying 'I cried and called for you, and you never came'.

I know she enjoys some of the things at nursery, and that she'll benefit in the longer term (she's very bright and will enjoy the extra stimulation and social interaction), but I am worried I am causing her undue stress and anxiety by pushing her into it too early.

Did anyone else's LO take this long/experience similar things when they started nursery? The nursery are reluctant to do half days.

No settling in sessions seems very harsh, never heard of that policy at a nursery before. Personally I would find a different nursery which lets the children get used to things gradually.

I agree the no settling in sessions is a bit odd - have they said why this is? Most nurseries won't let you book half days as they can't get another child to take the afternoon session, but if you are paying for a full day I don't see why you can't arrange to collect her at an earlier time. Ds went 3 days a week prior to starting school in September but as two of the days I worked were half days I picked him up around 3pm instead of 6pm. Ds started nursery initially at 18 months and went 1 day a week. He was still crying when I left him after weeks and weeks and I found it so upsetting although they assured me he was smiling and playing 2 minutes after I'd gone. He settled in much more quickly when I booked him in for an extra day a week. I have been told the same "I cried for you and you didn't come" too, which is heartbreaking to hear! I explained that I missed him and had been looking forward to seeing him after nursery, and wanted him to have fun there. I said when you miss someone it is then really exciting and happy to see them again. I am sure your dd will settle in, if the nursery is okay and has a decent reputation. Maybe have a chat to the leader there to get a bit more reassurance.

We ve just gone through this albeit with settling in sessions. Ds was distraught at drop off and crying intermittently during day. On pick up he had also started getting upset as other parents had started collecting.I could go on... Now approx 7 weeks in after one day a week and he is so much better. A little upset on hand over and a little teary when tired only. Even says nice day nursery on way home! All i can say is give it time. Ds taking his teddy which he finds a big comfort at home also helped. I found it so difficult. The nursery said stick with it and advised that in their experience if you sort of let them control their nursery attendance when they have to go more/go to school they think it s optional and you can go on to have much more difficulty. They advised 'it s worse for you than for them ' and 'he s just trying to test you' . Whether this is true i don t know but sticking with it has worked for us. Good luck. It can be heartbreaking! x

ps. Ds is 2.4

Thanks everyone- I did phone them today and they were really nice and reassuring. We've agreed to do 10 - 3 for the next three weeks and see how she is then. they are also making us a transition booklet to bring home, with pictures of the staff and rooms etc so we can talk about it all with DD at home. They are really nice and a good nursery - I get a really good 'vibe' from the place. They said DD does interact with staff and children and does enjoy herself at times! Hopefully the times will get more as she gets used to it. it's so hard, isn't it?!

That sounds very positive and will hopefully help with your peace of mind. Yes it's awful! I'm dreading going through it all again with dd when she is 11 months (she's currently 4 months). She'll be going 3 days a week from late September. Ds really did benefit from it though - he is a happy, confident and very sociable 4 year old, and is the child who will go up to other children at the park or play centres and say hi and ask if they want to play. I am sure that learning to interact and play with peers from a young age made a difference in that. We just have to keep reminding ourselves that it will benefit them in the long run!