Severe eating problem with 3yr old ds

[jussey17]

Help my ds has only put on 200gms/8oz in 15 months. He seems to be deliberately refusing to eat even though he must be hungry. We have tried sticker charts, coaxing, aeroplanes, ignoring all to no avail.
Most recently (for about the last 6 weeks) we have, on the HV's advice, tried to avoid all conflict and to pretend we don't care or even notice what he eats together with timing meals to prevent us spending hours every day sitting at the table with him not eating. We have also stopped all snacks, treats etc to try to get him hungrier but he is just getting thinner and thinner.
The HV has observed a meal at home and done a full developmental assessment and has now given up and said we should do whatever we think is best but if there is no improvement in his weight in 3months he will need to see a paediatrician!
I am in total despair as this has been going on for upwards of 2years. His range of foods is very limited but I think control is the overriding issue as he even refuses vitamin sweets (and food at birthday parties) as he can tell I want him to eat them.

I didn't want to read and run - hopefully someone with experience will be along soon. My only suggestion would be to get him involved in the cooking the food. Maybe he can exert some control over that? Also perhaps try teaching him about growing some simple veg if you gave a garden?

Thanks for the reply we have an allotment, and cooking is a big thing for us although cake baking has had to stop recently because of the treat embargo; however even things like he helps me make he refuses to eat.
Everything has always been such a struggle with him, just don't know what to do. Anyone any thoughts on a child psychologist?

I had a dc who refused to eat when dh went away on business. I opted for graze bowls every were around the house and refreshed them in the evening for the next day. So little bowls of cheese, ham, grapes, croutons, those yoghurt strawberries, popcorn, melon, cereal. Anything I could think of and dotted them about in every room of the house dc would wonder around through the day. I did no meal times, just graze bowls and I ate snack food too. I never mentioned when she ate, but after a week or dc started to show me the food before she ate it (in a look what I found kinda a way.) It worked. Bit by bit I would then move the odd bowl to the table, then in time would put a plate of cold snack food on the table at a set time, still with the odd graze bowl. Then I removed the bowls and alternated plates of cold food with hot food, slowly moving on to meals. Dc is 6 now and a brilliant eater, it was a pain in the ass and I was at my wits end. Hopefully it might work with your dc, if not ask to see a child food psychologist and dietician this was offered to us but thankfully we managed to get her to eat. All the best. :)

If I were in your position and felt I'd tried to the best of my ability then I think I'd welcome a referral to paed or psychologist. It sounds as if you need some extra help. It must be so frustrating for you. Best of luck.

Yy to the paed. If it was me i would be saying sod the 3 months when's the next appointment.

I'm confused though - you say you give no snacks - so did he eat those before?

Piemother thanks for yor reply. Previously I would be just delighted whenever he ate anything hence snacks were fairly freely available.

Hothead just looked up PDA sounds eerily familiar, thanks for the steer will definitely look at PDA strategies. Sounds like we need to see a child psychologist ASAP.