His family :/

[Chloebw]

My partner and I are having our first baby. We are happy together and have never really argued...up until now. His mum is very hands on. And I am very close to my mum and take most my advice from her. He is beginning to he quite hurt by it all. As I work full time and we have been discussing child care options I am trying to get something sorted so my mum will when the time is right be able to watch the baby so I can go back to work.
I find his mum a little ignorant, she is a heavy drinker, can sware a lot and he quite racist at times. She does mean well but kids are so impressionable I would much prefer my child to be with my mum. How can I he around this without causing any upset or at least causing minimal upset?

Just the words 'heavy drinker' would be enought to say no.

I agree with grants.

Be honest with him about your fears, he's probably so used to his mum that he tunes out unacceptable behaviour.

If I try and be honest he never sees where I am coming from and ends up getting annoyed. 9/10 it ends up in a fight. She is desbtate to babysit as well.

You'd never forgive yourself and neither would he if anything happened, stand your ground on this. Make plenty of visits to her so she doesn't feel left out.

How do your mums get on? Could they do a day together?

Thanks for the advice. No my mum feels the same she's not very keen on her either!

If you won't consider a chikdminder or nursery etc, I think you need to sit down and calmly have a conversation with your DH, you need to be determined not to let it become an argument though and if he starts getting annoyed try to sympathise with him rather than fight. No-one wants to hear that their own mother can't be trusted.

When you talk to him focus on why you would like your mum to do it rather that why you don't want his mum. Then arrange a regular time for his mum to visit/spend time with you all so she is not being overlooked.