I am just out of energy and finding fighting the fight more and more difficult.

[FanFuckingTastic]

I want to pour it all out here, but to be honest, I don't even know if I have the strength to do it.

Seriously having thoughts about giving up my children because I can't give them what they need, I am so exhausted.

People keep telling me they don't know how I cope, well I don't really feel like I am any more. I feel like I am useless, disabled and mentally incapable, that my children are both affected by this, that my daughter has a major disability and this is a massive job to have diagnosed and sorted, that my son deserves better than sick mum and sister, and that perhaps I would be a better person all round if I admitted defeat.

The doctor today said this is a low point and that it can't get worse than this, to take it a day at a time, and keep fighting. Don't think I can, I keep making mistakes and trying to improve things and circumstances conspire to spoil any progress I make.

Can you help me find the fighting spirit again? I need to be able to do this, whichever way I go. :-(

I'm sorry you are going through this. You are working so hard to do your best for everyone.

You must be totally exhausted.

Are there any charities that could assist you all? Like Home start or a disability charity?

Well done going to the doc but maybe you need to go back and make more of a fuss, or see a different doc.

hunni im autistic and have a severely autistic son. i went through mental health issues, bereavement (buried my partner) depression etc and social services were involved. i felt just like that once. a worker gassing on about how my kids are happier with foster carers than at home. i fought and fought and i honestly came so close to giving up because i didnt think i was good enough to bring them up alone. i had their developmental/behavioural issues on top.
its so easy to give up . so, so easy if your own mental problems are swallowing u up. but dont. its a long rocky exhausting process, but i came out the other side when i never thought i would, and i became a better mum. it made me a wiser person. i am no longer known to social services now, i am now a strong, happy mum who can cope well under all this pressure.
just like me, you can do it hun. keep on swimming

So sorry for your difficult time. I know your feelings are real but I am also sure you're not giving yourself enough credit. You clearly care, which is something many kids don't get!
Did the Dr talk to you about any support you and the kids could get to lighten the load a little? If not, it might be worth looking at support groups in your area. Do you have any family about? If not, it might be worth talking to your GP about whether there's any opportunity for temporary respite support so you can recharge your batteries for a few days. Don't give up, none of us are perfect but your kids are better off with you, struggles and all!

I contacted the Care Team at the County Council and they are coming out to do an assessment of our needs, so I may well get some respite without having to give up the children. They are doing weekly checkup calls while things are difficult for me and my son is going to their Young Carer's team for some support also.

I also have a team meeting going on with my psychiatric team between several people managing my case, so I think they are going to manage my mental health fairly well.

Still feeling really upset and worried sick about my situation, but the tablets are taking away the worst of the panic.

aw hunni i do hope youll be ok, keep us posted. well done for asking for help, thats a big step to make xx