Your childs birthday party - who would you NOT invite???

[Helenemjay]

When its your childs birthday and you arrange a party who out of their class would you not invite and why? it seems like some kids dont seem to get invited to any parties, i wondered why this was???

Last year, dd was adament that she didn't want one particular boy invited to her party. He was always in trouble at school, and often was rough/physical in the classroom. I felt bad about excluding him, but figured it was her party and she shouldn't be forced to include someone she didn't like (one of the few children she's ever reacted to in this way). As the party approached, I found it awkward to chat to his mum and I imagined (or was it real) that she was cold toward me. I felt bad for him as the party approached and he realised he hadn't been invited. I felt obliged to decline the invitation to his party as it didn't feel right to accept.

We invited dd's entire reception class this year, plus a few other friends, which seems to be standard at the moment. But I know it will change over the next few years. As much as I understand the concept of "you can't be friends with everybody", different groups of friends will polarise in the next few years. A party invite, or lack of one, will be a very tangible way of announcing who is/isn't a child's friend and I can anticipate potential for hurt feelings. It is such a minefield.

How do you all afford whole class parties

Ds1 has 45 children in his class (two teachers) and there's just no way.

This year he's sharing his party with his brother so they both got to choose 10 friends each to invite (well, okay, ds2 will be 2 so I did the choosing for him ). I guided ds1 a bit on a couple to make sure he hadn't forgotten children whose names come up regularly when he's talking about his day. Basically ds1 is getting friends who he actually plays with on a regular basis at his party and neither of them (nor our toy storage space) will get overwhelmed with presents.

I have no way of knowing who hasn't got invited to any parties from ds1's class or not, tbh.

god yes i do a l;imit of 10
no ownder you all hate them so much

Guess I should clarify - dd's school has 3 classrooms in reception, so we invited the 17 in her actual classroom.

one way to keep the numbers down parents do in our school is do same sex parties. My dd had one last year and just invited the girls in her clas and ended up with 10 girls over. I know the boys in her class have had parties just the boys. Seems to work.

i'm not inviting tarquin

Thanks everyone, i have had a word with ds1 and he seems ok about it, after all its only a birthday party like some of you say, but he is quite a sensitive character and after yet another party he wasnt invited to recently (thursday) he got a little sad, but like most 5 year olds he's got over it pretty quickly. I think you are all right when you say its only a birthday party and it shouldnt be made into something its not, maybe im looking too much into it! Im just worried it may knock his confidence if he thinks he's not invited because no-one likes him

I think that the other thing is that when they are still fairly little some families still have family only parties (much less stressful for one thing!). We have parties every alternate year for our two, so we only have to organise one each year. The numbers have depended on the venue - some places have flat fees, in which case you can have quite a few invites, but some are per head, and so have been much smaller. Home parties I think you do want to be careful who you invite - we asked the class teacher about a couple of kids that ds wanted to ask last time that we weren't sure about, because having an out of control child can really ruin a party. Like others I wouldn't know who had, or hadn't been invited to all the parties. As a WOHM I struggle to remember all the names of the children in my children's classes, let alone who they are friends with this month (apart from their close longer term friends). dd and ds get invited to two or three parties each most years, and yes I would be sad if they didn't get any.