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Original poster

Your childs birthday party - who would you NOT invite???

34 replies

Helenemjay · 28/04/2006 12:52

When its your childs birthday and you arrange a party who out of their class would you not invite and why? it seems like some kids dont seem to get invited to any parties, i wondered why this was???

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RTKangaMummy · 28/04/2006 13:03

We have whole class parties so that others are not left out

BUT some of the class get invited to all of the other parties and some don't

IMHO it has got alot to do with the mothers and how popular the mums are etc

Hallgerda · 28/04/2006 13:04

I always give my children a free choice up to a maximum of 7 (making 10 children altogether). I would refuse to allow them to invite anyone who'd been left behind at a previous party (yes, it's happened!), but otherwise it's up to them.

RTKangaMummy · 28/04/2006 13:04

has your DD/DS been left out?

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PugDog · 28/04/2006 13:04

um.............. i invite dsses freinds

never give it any more thaought than that

PugDog · 28/04/2006 13:05

arent you lot over obsessign rather?

suzywong · 28/04/2006 13:07

well the answer is to ask the child who they want to invite for two thirds of the list, and use the other third to invite people you have/want to invite. A bit like Hallgerda's advice.

It is ds1's 5th birthday party tomorrow and I let him do just that.

HTH

PugDog · 28/04/2006 13:09

abnd wiht that the thread is done

Original poster

Helenemjay · 28/04/2006 13:31

Well my ds hasnt been invited to ANY parties this school year!! i feel so sad for him as he is 5.5 and he knows he isnt invited to any and i dont know what to tell him? he is getting a little bit down about it and i cant help but feel abit annoyed at the other mums - they cant have not realised that at all the parties they go to he hasnt been invited to one!

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RTKangaMummy · 28/04/2006 13:36

Helenemjay

Are you friends with any of the mums of upcoming parties?

If so drop some hints

Like I said some of the children go to all of the parties and they just happen to have the mums from the "IT" crowd at the school gate iyswim

I agree it should be the children who invite their friends but sometimes i don't believe that it is not influenced by the adults

Caligula · 28/04/2006 13:37

Ah yes they can Helenemjay. I really would have no idea who was invited to other people's parties and who wasn't. All 5 year olds look the same to me, unless they're relatives or I've had them round for playdates.

They're probably not doing it deliberately. What about inviting a few playdates round? (Not all together, obviously.) Once they've been round to your house a couple of times (and returned the invite to your DS) he'll be on their invitation radar as someone who must be invited.

Caligula · 28/04/2006 13:38

Sorry, I mean on the mum's invitation radar (as well as the child's)

coppertop · 28/04/2006 13:40

My ds1 is in Yr1 and hasn't been invited to any parties at all since he started school. I used to find it quite upsetting but have now realised that it's more about who the parents know than the popularity (or otherwise) of the actual child.

puddle · 28/04/2006 13:41

I would have no idea whether any of the children in my ds's class had not been invited to any parties though Helen. My ds chose the people in his class he wanted to have at his party (he's year 1). It certainly wasn't to do with the mothers (one of the mothers whose child didn't get invited is a very good friend of mine but the children have moved on now and have different friends).

I also don't return party invites which is probably quite bad, but I don't make ds invite people just because he's been to theirs the year before.

Has your ds no particular friends at school? Can you help him to make some - inviting friends home, getting to know the mums a bit etc?

Hallgerda · 28/04/2006 13:45

I know it isn't nice - one of my children hasn't been invited to a party all year either. All the same, I don't see it as the responsibility of other mothers to ensure that my child isn't left out.

If parties are a sore point, why not give your son a different kind of treat for his next birthday, like a trip somewhere nice, maybe with a few friends.

KTeePee · 28/04/2006 13:47

At our school it seems to be invite the whole class/invite the boys/girls only/invite closest friends plus anyone whose party they have been to recently

What did you do for your ds's birthday? If he is 5.5 then his birthday must be in the first term - if you haven't done it before then try to invite all the boys at least next year and you might get "asked back" to lots too. I'm assuming your ds is in Reception too - some families do whole class parties in reception so the kids get to know each other, others don't do a party at all as their kids are not particularly friendly yet with anyone in the class or else only invite a few from school because their pre-school friends are still closer to them

There is only one child in my ds's class that I would consider not inviting, because his parents are reknowned in the school for never replying to invitations and too many people have paid for places at parties for their kids and they've not turned up (including me and that was after his sister said she WAS coming to dd's party)

KTeePee · 28/04/2006 13:48

Hallgerda, ime if she doesn't have a party for him next year he will be even less likely to be invited to other kids parties. I'm not saying that's right it's just how it is

Spagblog · 28/04/2006 13:52

Did you invite many people to your DS's party.
Normally that is one way of getting a return invitation...The mothers feel obliged

Hallgerda · 28/04/2006 13:55

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster

Helenemjay · 28/04/2006 14:16

Well ds1's birthday is in august and we have always had a big (ish) party for him and invited ALL his class plus a few! i get on pretty well with most of the mums and 3-4 of them have become close friends but im not a very extravert person and im not sure id dare ask any of them outright what the problem was! i am tempted to sod these big parties off but then ds1 (and ds2 for that matter) enjoy them so much!

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MadamePlatypus · 29/04/2006 11:33

I think that if it is getting you down, the only thing you can do is ask the other mums in a non-confrontational way.

Perhaps, because they know that you have invited the whole class to your party, they feel that your DS hasn't made a special point of asking their child, and that therefore if they are doing a smaller party they don't need to reciprocate.

I think also you can get into the routine of asking the same children to parties, and just not think about branching out a bit.

Tortington · 30/04/2006 02:06

i dont invite any. kids have the choice of 2 people for tea and a present or OR a party. they never chose a party until this year. when they each had 4 of their closest friends to sleep.

i dont do parties, its a minefield and means interacting with parents who are all false up their own arses bragmothers - who i cant be doing with - rarely come accross a pint of lager mum

threebob · 30/04/2006 02:35

Ds was not invited to parties because of his allergies. We were interviewed for a magazine and I mentioned that the worst thing was being excluded from things like parties.

Since then he has been invited to 3!

When is his birthday? He may find that he gets invited to lots next year by the people that came to his.

threebob · 30/04/2006 02:37

Opps - should have read that you invited everyone before posting. In that case I would take him somewhere great next year and let him bring 1 close friend. That should get him one invite (or maybe not)

cece · 30/04/2006 08:21

DD wrote her own list. My only guidance was about inviting people back if she had been to their party earlier in the year! That worked quite well as most of her class are summer born. She is 5. We have even invited the 'naughty' one as he is her friend - although apparently he is only allowed to come if he has behaved himself.... so we will have to see....

In fact the party is in 2 hours time.... Shouldn't I be doing something rather than typing about parties on the computer

tigermoth · 30/04/2006 09:45

I take if your son is in year 1 and had a whole class party last year, in August, after he had finished reception? Have there been any whole class parties since september? If so I'd feel very sad if it was my son who was not invited to them :(

BUT if the only parties since september have been smaller parties, it's probably just a case of each child inviting a few friends and as luck has it, so far your son is not on anyone's list -but children are so fickle, that's is bound to change. Added to that, if there were lots of whole class parties last year, other parents may have decided not to be strictly reciprocal in inviting all the hosts this year. And you've still got the summer term to go. Who knows, your son could get two invites next week.

It could easily be a case of bad luck and a run of smaller parties.

And if there is a dominant group of school gate parents who invite each other to their parties, then if you are outside that group, you can get overlooked for no good reason.

If you are worried, why not have a word with your son's class teacher and ask her if he mixes well in school?

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