Very sweet DS (2) is also very difficult right now - nice way to deal with?

[totallynaive]

Just feeling a bit low because my son (turning 2) and I spent the day locked in yet another battle of wills. He often has very extended tantrums if I spend too much time talking to a friend or have a friend round to our house for tea or force him to spend time outside home unless there are toys galore/he is the complete centre of attention. He is very imaginative and plays with his toys on his own a lot, but won't ever let me watch a TV programme that's not one of his (though he behaves better once his dad gets back from work). My DP thinks it's my fault really because I have been attachment parenting him, ergo turning him into a spoiled mummy's boy. At the same time DP acknowledges that my DS's personality has been that of a rather charming drama queen since the day he plopped out, and he was against sleep training him once he knew about the neurological evidence.

DS is very much a "spirited child" and it is always easiest to look after him when I parent him accordingly, with a sense of fun and lots of love and empathy. But I also believe that he has to learn what the word "No" sounds like when that's important because he needs to buckle down when he gets to nursery and school, whereas my DP uses little tricks to deflect the tantrum and avoid conflict with him every time. I really don't see this is possible when I have so much to do and he screams blue murder every time I change his nappy or brush his teeth. I also think that we have now done the baby thing and, much as I adore him, it is time I was able to open a book or watch a documentary. (He's not really a napper and co-sleeps the same hours as me, except without the insomnia, so there are weeks when I don't get any downtime or even cleaning time away from him).

Today I just found myself looking away from him a lot because he was not doing anything he was asked or told to do. This has had no positive effect, and I'm sure the attachment parents out there won't be surprised at this. Can anyone help me with some tips as to how to get him to let me off the hook a little? Nursery round here is just too expensive and there are no family members to help out other than DP.

You sound worn out and I think you need to work out how to get more time to yourself. My dd is a similar age to your ds and sounds pretty similar in character - but I know that however bad the day, she will go to sleep somewhere between 7 and 8 and I have the evening to myself, and that really helps. Could you try to work towards settling him around this time (gently and gradually, I'm not talking sleep training or anything).

Something else that helps us sometimes is a bit from that 'playful parenting' book, along the lines of you have to 'top up' children with attention to keep them happy - so if you want time to do something, play with ds and give him your full attention first so he's 'topped up', then he might be happy to play alone for a bit.

Thanks diyqueen. I'm hoping that in a few months we'll have essential structural work done that will give us a room to use as his bedroom, and then the idea is that we'll try to introduce him to his own bed. What you've said about "playful parenting" chimes with something I was told by a good playgroup coordinator who noticed my ds's playing patterns and explained how important it is for babies to be given time and space to carry out all their rituals when you take them out. I think I might just read that book. I now realise that what also dooms all those home visits from friends to failure is the experience of mummy in the morning cleaning up more furiously than ever and ignoring him even before the friends turn up.