Pros and Cons of having a third... (must be mad)

[nearlymumofone]

So ds1 is 2.5 years, ds2 is 6 months (nearly) and I'm already contemplating a third (but would wait to try till ds2 is a year).

Am I mad? My main concerns about a third would be that I wouldn't have as much time for the 2 I already have (although I only work part time 1 day a week so they are lucky that they get me to themselves all the time anyway). We aren't well off so finance is another con, and the fact that I have 2 healthy sons I just wonder should I be happy and satisfied with that and not tempt fate.

But- I'd love another. It's mental here with the 2 young ones but I love it. It's crazy good fun and I think being a mum is the first thing I've ever done which has meant anything or that I've been really good at.

Any thoughts?

The worst thing about having a third is you want a fourth as its an odd number.

Sorry that doesn't help reall

ha! this did cross my mind (though haven't told dh that yet!!)

I think many women will always want one more.

As one of 3 siblings I would say stop now and enjoy what you have. Being a middle child is horrible. Children just get more and more expensive. Could you afford to give them all the after school stuff/university education/holidays you'd want to? Prob need a different car, maybe a bigger house longer term? Money is important, anyone who says differently has never been without.

I can't understand logically why anyone would want more than 2 but that's just me. I can understand the emotional pull, especially when you look at your kids and your heart just bursts and you want more of that feeling.

I'm already worried how much less attention DS will get when dd arrives, wouldn't want that to go down even more.

In the end, all that matters is your opinion and that of your DP.

I don't buy into all the 'middle child angst' stuff. If you have a shitty time growing up, and happened to be the 'middle' born, the shitty time was not caused by being a middle child. It's invariably caused by shitty parents who invariably treated the eldest and youngest in different shades of not bothered.
Birth order doesn't come into it.
Good parents who love their kids will have happy, secure kids.
I've got 3 children. I love it. Feels much more like a little gang, a little group, rather than a pair.
I don't believe the middle child syndrome stuff at all.

You're a great mum, that shines out from your post - I think you should go for it.

I have just had ds3 and I'm not such a great mum, don';t feel I'm that good at it, but I did really want a third child - I'm not sure why. I think I felt that pressure as I was 39, it didn't feel 'finished' with two and they haven't ever got on that well. So it didn't feel like it would be spoiling the existing dynamic.

Having 3, and it is early days for me, is lovely - but yes hard work. I'm single now which makes it harder I guess/ and there's less attention to go round. Ds2 does feel a bit neglected sometimes,. he is 5. (other one is 9 and delighted with the baby)

Main thing is I no longer feel like I want another child. I'm finished now.

I think you will be great

I don't believe all that middle child crap either tbh. I'm one of three and love it, and me and my sisters are very very close. I want 3 kids too because I like the idea of three little individuals :) I know others who are one of three kids and are close siblings/enjoyed growing up

i have 3. It's brilliant. THe only thing I'd say about " middle child syndrome" is maybe wait a biy longer till your DS2 is maybe 2 rather than 1yr old... let him be the family baby for a bit. He'll be lots more independent and the new " pesky baby" will have less impact on him.

I have 2.5yrs between the elder 2 and 3.5yrs between the younger 2. It's been a good gap all the way through. (they are 19/17/13 now) . EAsier for me too as DS was at nursery so DD2 got to be " the baby" and have lots of baby attention too.

Maybe we avoided the middle child stuff by cleverly having GBG so he's always the " special jam in the sandwich, without whom the family would be boring bread and butter" as I used to tell him.... But then I also have a " best biggest girl" and a "bestest little girl" too !

I have 3DC and to be honest I can't really think of any downsides. it's sometimes very loud and chaotic but I wouldn't have it any other way. They are close in age which was hard work but now they are older they entertain each other, leaving me free to Mumsnet

i am pg with DC3 and we spent ages umming an aahing about a third. we were (are) v lucky to have two lovely children but i just knew that i wasn't 'done' at 2. i can't explain it. as soon as i fell pregnant that feeling went away well after the initial two days of shock. have no idea why, but i know this is the last time for me.

it will be a struggle financially (though thankfully dont need a bigger car - we made sure there was room for three when DC2 came along) but then you make adjustments don't you? i never thought we would be able to afford one child, but we did. ok so we dont live at all extravagantly and the pre-DC fancy holidays are out, but would i swap them for a couple of weeks on an exotic beach oh yes. i do worry that they wont have as much attention, but i will do my best. they are getting older and more independent all the time and i juggle reading/activities now - i think the difficulty will only start once DC3 becomes mobile and more demanding. DC1 will be nearly 6, and DC2 will be 3 by the time DC3 arrives. i am hoping that the smallish gaps will mean that they have some things in common as they grow up.

FWIW i only have one sibling but i dont really buy that 'being the middle child is terrible' thing either. you either have a good relationship family wise with parents who bother about you all or you dont. besides DC2 has the personality which means she will NEVER be overlooked! i have a feeling that come the summer life will get more chaotic, noisier but then our house is like that anyway. whats one more to add to the chaos as DH said

the fact that you are considering everyone in your family shows that you are a good mum. i think you will be fine!

Yes, my dc2 is the same, she won't ever be ignored or have 'middle child syndrome'. I always refer to her as my 'first youngest' rather than our middle child.

Thanks so much on all your perspectives. It's great to get all this feedback. We've got a while before we decide to take the plunge if we do. I am quite conscious of 'middle child syndrome' and have already decided that if we do go for a third ds2 will get a mummy morning once a week all to himself!

Rooney don't mark yourself down as a bad mum- I thought i was a terrible mum after first having ds2- just takes a while to get in the swing of it all when a new one arrives. it must be tough with the three but I'm sure you are doing just grand- don't be hard on yourself it must be hard work!