parenting a pregnant teen

[toyoungtobeananna]

My 16 yr old daughter is 6 months pregnant. I have accepted this and support her in every way i can. I talk to her about how she's feeling and what she thinks will happen in the future. she wants to be the mum to this baby and do everything for it and I'm all for that. It was her decision to have the baby so she needs to step up and do everything she can to care for and provide for this child. My problem is, she is a typical lazy teenager. Her rooms a mess because I refuse to clean it, she sleeps all day and sits up all night on the computer. How can I make her see she needs to start changing her habits now, or do I just let her go because her new life as a mum will change her habits?

My DS and his dp (now ex, there's a surprise) were teen parents, though at 18 (him) and 19 they were a little older. Dgs is now three and a half, they share parenting and actually they've both stepped up to the mark. I think you have to leave her to it when the baby comes, unless you perceive actual neglect or abuse, in which case you warn her you'll call in Social Services, and if necessary actually do it. At least being up all night won't be a new thing for her.

I have no experience in this area but can understand how difficult the balance is between giving her a wake up call, a bit of firm parenting and scaring her silly that will have knock-on effects to her situation and your relationship.

I am still messy at v nearly 40, some people are. Parenthood definitely changes that whether you want it to or not. She is a young soon to be first time mum who is growing up in a time where a hell of a lot of socialising can be done from the pleasures of the home. She will need support from friends, not all of which will stay I'd imagine, so will need to continue to maintain these relationships.

I would suggest speaking with your local Children's Centre who will have experience in dealing with this situation and asking to attend a group. Go together "find out what you will need for the baby" and then together help her change her room and ready the house for the new arrival.

You might be lucky nesting might kick in too.

Hope that makes sense.

What involvement does the father of the baby have, btw?

Thanks for your advice and reassurance. We have been shopping together and she has bought most of the stuff for the baby herself. I get things when i see them on special, as nanna's do. The father didn't want her to keep the baby as he helped raise his younger brothers and knows how hard it can be. Now I guess all I can do is stay positive..... and pray.....lots

I am sorry that you are in this position. It must feel very hard to have your child in such a situation. I imagine that your little girl must be feeling terrified and prehaps in denial a little bit. If she is lounging about in bed and in a mess, do you think its possible that she is depressed?

Are there any ante natal classes for teens and their families in your area. Prehaps your daughter would benefit from support from a midwife, health visitor or a family support worker. It is rare for children to listen to their mothers at the best of times.