Is it harmful for 15mo not to get out of the house much?

[BabCNesbitt]

Background: DH and I moved to uptown Manhattan for his work nearly a year ago, when DD was 4 months old. We're only here for another couple of months, when we'll be back in London.

I don't know any other parents here and any parenting groups or classes all seem to be way beyond what we can afford. When DD was smaller, I used to stick her in the carrier and go walking around downtown, but now she naps for a couple of hours during the day and prefers to be in bed for that. When she's awake she doesn't like being carried around in the carrier for very long any more, and the streets locally feel too busy to let DD wander around on the pavement (maybe I'm being too PFB?) And it's been blimmin' freezing here lately, too.

As a result, the only times we go out during the week are the occasional trip to the shop to get some groceries. (We do go out further at the weekend when DH isn't working, because he's better at carrying her around in his arms for a long time!)

We do run around the flat lots, play games, read - she doesn't seem bored! And she does get Vitamin D supplements. I'm just wondering if it's damaging for her not to get out much, let alone hang out with other kids?

I think this alot as the local parks a half hour walk which is lovely when its not freeeezing, and once we get there its so windy he just seems to have watery eyes snotty nose run for a while then back in the buggy to warm up and I do the dreaded walk home... Meaning we don't do it often, end up going to tesco, shopping, etc makes me feel guilty

Can you not put her in the buggy just to get some fresh air? I'd go mad if I couldn't get out with my similar aged DTs!

Apart from vitamin D from sunlight, Exposure to germs to build up immunity from other people.

If it's just a matter of weeks, I wouldn't worry about it. But aren't you getting bored? Can't she walk with you holding her hand?

How about sticking her on reins?

I've always had a thing against reins, mainly for the very stupid reason that my mother bangs on about how I'll have to get some now she's walking! But I should probably look into it - it would certainly help.

silverangel, whenever I take her out in the buggy, she lasts about five minutes then starts screaming blue murder! Not sure why.

LadyMargolotta, I am going a bit nuts. But would she get exposure just from being out of the house? I can't afford to take her to any playgroups or anything like that, unfortunately.

Could you go out for coffee and cake and some people watching? DS loves going to cafes!

Yes she will get exposure just from being out of the house. Just try and take her out most days, even just for twenty minutes.

And besides, you won't be in Manhatten much longer I think you should take the opportunity to see and do as much as possible. II seem to remember there being free museums/galleries in New York, Central Park.

How about a little life backpack? A bit like reins but not IYSWIM!
Will help you have control but also give her independence to walk a bit. Can use the rucksack to put little bits in from the shop.
Are there any free groups? NY must be full of stuff to do....
What kind of buggy do you have? My DS never liked much being In the buggy til it was fully upright and he could have a proper nosey at what was going on! Sure she will be fine if you can't get out though. We don't go out loads and DS sometimes prefers to stay at home and chill out. It's whatever suits you.

Can understand why you aren't keen on reins. My bf was the same and for the same reasons until her dd ran off once and she couldn't find her. Funnily enough she changed her mind about them after that

I second the idea of galleries/museums. In winter lots of places are quiet, usually warm & dont mind extra visitors. Is there a kids museum
close by? Or could you maybe do a train ride or similar so she is distracted by being in buggy? Maybe pick a nice day & go to Central Park & a cafe? Even just your local cafe to start with. I know it's hard in winter, been there done that! Perhaps at the weekend you & DP/DH could try going to the Brooklyn Zoo to build up your confidence?

Try your local bookstores - barnes & noble etc, normally have a large childrens section. Loads of space to toddler and lots have a coffee shop, so could stop for lunch. How about going swimming too - great fun & exercise.

Manhatten youth in Downtown is great for classes & swimming if you can get to it - they do membership and drop in / pay as you go classes, they saved me from going potty with my little one ( we moved here when he was 18 months) www.manhattanyouth.org/ If you can't afford membership - worth speaking to their admin as often work with parents regarding this.

Also, go on ferry rides - you can go just there and back. They are warm and it's another thing to do.

I'm heading home too in a couple of months and can't wait - after 3 years really fed up with the barmy weather. Make the most of the time you have got left - I think Time Out Kids have a website with local kids things to do and they have prices / or free with the drop down.

Hope this helps!

Thanks for the suggestions, May! Especially the Time Out free listings - good to find out about the one or two free museums. Most of the museums here are just too expensive for us (DH is a postdoc researcher and we're both living off his grant money) - even the kids' museum near us is $11 for everyone except babies under 12 months! (Manhattan Youth looks cool, but again, a bit expensive for us given how often I'd be likely to go that far downtown, you know?) Will have to check out the Barnes and Noble children's sections, too.

The Little Life backpack looks good - will need to look out for them!

(Re cafes: we live near a university, so most of the cafes around here are always filled with students with laptops and they take on the atmosphere of a library/study group - toddlers definitely don't feel welcome unless they're asleep!)

Sorry for double post, but I guess I was also wondering - is it harmful for her at this age not to be around other kids much? I mean, and she has a cousin her age that she's hung out with a few times, and she sees other kids around, but most of the time she's with me or DH. Will she be socially stunted, or is there still time for her to catch up on her social skills?

Take her to the park - she'll have fun and you might meet some other people. Kids should be out everyday whatever the weather imo. Reins are great!

Apart from anything else, being outside is good for eyesight development - if you stay indoors all the time your eyes don't spend enough time focussing to "infinity" and that increases your chances of myopia. It is much easier if you have money to throw at the problem (like everything else), but apply yourself to Internet research and I'm sure you'll come up with some solutions.

I personally think they benefit from early socialisation - especially as in this weather when they are not in the playground much. Doesn't have to be every day, maybe twice a week? What about church playgroups or community based ones - these sometimes don't cost as much. Or how about reaching out to other parents in your building - maybe a coffee morning, they probably have more local tips for baby outings.

In the spring / summer central park has loads of free events on - check their website. Hopefully the better weather will be back soon and you will have loads of park activities to choose from.

I'd think she ought to be starting to learn about being around other little people and that lack of interaction would worry me.

DD used to hate long car journeys - anything more than 15/20 mins was just painful. It was mostly, we think, because she wasn't used to them. But we had to get through that, as it's pretty limiting only being able to drive for 20 mins without a meltdown. It was tough, but by keeping on doing it, she has got used to being in the car now. Similarly, if you always give up with the buggy after 5 mins, she will never do more than 5 mins.

Coats with hoods can be a good alternative to reins (not the ones that popper on, though!)

My DS1 would never go in the buggy without crying at all as a younger baby but gradually when he was about 14 months we started being able to put him in the pushchair as long as it was facing us and we could distract him easier for about 20 minutes until all hell broke loose but it was better than nothing! Have you tried giving her snacks and toys in the stroller to entertain her. Both my DS's have got bored easy of being strapped in and ,y DS2 still whinges now whenever I stop moving him in it BUT unlike his big brother he will go in it for so long which has made life bearable!

I think kids do remarkably well with a lot less stimulation than we think. As long as you are talking to her, showing her things, reading to her etc then she'll be OK especially as it's not for much longer. I am more worried about YOU to be honest. We were snowed in for 10 days last month and I cried through boredom and frustration!