Punishment

[Mamajidu]

My daughter is having a very hard time with her children aged 10 and 12. I think an absentee ex husband is part of the problem but she also punishes them a lot , no Xbox for a week, no mobile etc. I feel that the punishments are making things worse but what else can she do?

I found the how to talk book fantastic for other ideas. There is a teen version which may be more appropriate.
I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing to confiscate toys etc if an older child is misbehaving. Depends if your daughter is happy with how things are.

I second the 'How to talk' book.
And sometimes, rewarding consistent good behaviour is a better incentive than punishment e.g. make your bed every day before school= 50p extra pocket money

I was going to recommend the How To Talk book. Also is she always consistent with the punishments? So does she warn "if you do x again I'm going to take your xbox away" and then follow if through, or make random threats and random punishments? If she can be really consistent with following through then perhaps the children will learn she means it and behave better the first time (DDs are 4 and 5 though so a v long way off her ages...)