How do you handle questions about death (5 yr old)

[Fisharefriendsnotfood]

Dd is in a church school, reception year. Over the last couple of weeks she has been saying she doesn't want to die/ will her baby brother die/ please don't die mummy etc. She knows my grandad died a couple of years ago and keeps asking why...

How do you handle this kind of thing? It is really on her mind all the time it seems

dd is 5 too and has also questioned us about death.
i told her that people die when they are very old or very ill and occasionally in an accident. she did ask if kids can die and i told her yes they can but it is very very rare. she wanted an honest answer and has now stopped questioning.
(although she did ask her nan if she was very very old )

I think it's a normal phase most children go through. Answer simple questions with simple answers was always my approach.

DS is 7 and unfortunately one of his teacher died 2 weeks ago. He didn't really talk about it at first but has been coming out with some questions about death. He wants to know if it will hurt when he dies, but the one that got me was "Mum, how will I know where to meet you in heaven?" Ooooh, we were having a cuddle in bed and I had to turn my head slightly as I welled up a bit but we arranged to meet on the bench by the duck pond, I so didn't know what to say. He asked me to let his dad know that's where we're meeting

Oh my gosh benedict that's heart breaking! I've told dd that my grandad was very poorly and very old and was happy to go to heaven, but when she asked is she / baby brother would die I said no I just can't see her being able to handle that kind of information. Was thinking of having a word with the teacher to see if its come up there/what they say so at least I'm not contradicting them (unless really necessary that is)

Children of about 5yrs are very interested in the subject. Just be matter of fact. WhenI was a widow it was children of that age who asked me questions and it was their parents who were embarrassed and tried to get them off the subject.

Hi, DS1, 6, has also wanted to talk about death many times at night time. He thinks about it when he's trying to sleep.

It's been going on and off for a while. At first we used to talk and cuddle, I have explained he might live for a long time, maybe to 100, that no-one knows for sure what happens when we die and what does he think will happen and also that it will feel like he did in my tummy, he wasn't here then and he was still happy and cosy.

More often now, we try and shrug it off and change the subject sometimes when he is struggling because dwelling on it isn't helping.

I would keep off talk about heaven and definitely off terms like 'fallen asleep'. I would say that familyfun had it right.

Agree with being matter of fact with a hint of taking the question seriously and above all, giving simple honest answers.

There is a nice book 'Badger's Parting Gifts' by Susan Varley.

DS3 4.10 keeps asking who will die next in our family, in a most matter of fact way. He has it all worked out by age: his greatgran will go first, then the older gran, then granddad, then the other grean etc etc .
He also wants to know where he was before he was in my tummy - now that's a difficult one too, I find...

I do think it is a common stage to go through around this age. They become more aware that things are not static or permanent and of course this is a scary realisation.

I think it is important to be age-appropriate, but honest.
His greatgran (my gran) will be 100 this year, is very severely demented (no longer mobile or verbal ) and he can accept that she is 'tired' and 'very, very old' and has probably had enough soon. Us dying, or his siblings, or him is much harder to make acceptable, but he has taken onboard that it is not likely to happen soon and that is good enough just now.

He also keeps asking how old I am going to be when he is 100...

I always try and be honest with answers and then add a very reassuring end point, so when my dd aske dif I was going to die, I might say something like:

yes I am going to die one day, because everyone dies in the end. Most people grow old, get ill and then die.

But I am not planning to die anytime soon, in fact I am not planning to die until you are al grown up and have children and I am a very old lady!