How do you punish your children?

[CrapBag]

I am running out of ideas.

Usually we take a toy but DS had so many it doesn't seem to have an effect anymore as he just plays with something else and doens't miss what we have taken.

Sometimes I send him to his room, a time out for him and me. He usually is up there for a little while, then wants to rejoin the family and apologises. It doesn't stop the actual behaviour though (appalling attitude at the moment, he is 5).

We will ban the tv but this also affects DD then which isn't really fair. He doesn't seem that bothered though as he just goes and does something else.

I really am running out of ideas completely. We stop treats, I'm not sure he is that bothered either. Arrgggghhhhhhhh.

You're being too inconsistent, but that's understandable as you/we all just want a quick fix. You need to be patient and try to work out what would actually bother him.. Does he have a very favourite toy, get pocket money, really love his bedtime story, anything he REALLY enjoys/loves/couldn't do without? That's what you take away. With CLEAR, CONCISE rules etc. Or does he really not like being in a different room by himself (missing out on fun stuff)?

Thats the problem, he loves his bedtime story, doens't get regular pocket money but DH gives him a few coins now and again, he has favourite toys but he will quite happily play with something else. He loves the telly but can do without it. He loves treats but will go without.

We tend to have certain punishments for certain things. Not eating tea, no treat. Being rude and shouting at us, up in his room. Generally not behaving but not bad enough to go upstairs, take a toy. Bad attitude or something when watching telly, telly goes off. Play up at bedtime, shouting not doing as told, loses story. We are consistant with what goes with what and we have been doing the same things for quite a while but he just doesn't seem that bothered. It will work for all of a little while, then it doens't again.

All those things you're doing are probably making things a lot worse. Do you ever praise him for stuff? Do you think it is important to be strict, I.e strict parent = good parent? I have a 5 year old boy and he has had his moments of outrageous behaviour recently but I honestly think sanctions will do nothing to improve that. I talk to him and give him more love in those times of difficult behaviour, things have improved considerably with that response as he is exercising self discipline and questioning his own morality in kicking, hitting now and stopping himself. Ultimately, you want children that are going to have their own moral code, not be put off doing something because of sanctions IMO.

crap - that's a long list with long punishments ... I think your ds could be just confused by the sheer amount of everything (this bad = this punish, this diff bad = this diff punish, this bedtime bad = this bedtime punish), so just doesn't care anymore about anything... I think there's just too much variety (for want of a better word!).
I'd stick with just one punishment for all types of bad behaviour, like golden says, praise a lot for all good behaviour.