Does anyone else feel like this? Constantly worried over DS's progress...

[tweetyfish]

I was just wondering if I am alone in feeling like this or wether it's just part of being a mum...

I am always worried about my DS. I think (DP knows) that he's fine, maybe a more of a dreamer than an action man, but I am constantly worried that there is more to it. He's 3.9 and due to start big school possibly next september, but definatly in january and I think this is at the root of my stress.

He cannot draw at all, he can hold a pencil properly but rarely does it unless prompted and then it's just to do scribbles. He has no interest in drawing, learning to write himself (although he loves for me to write words out for him) cannot even slightly colour in. I used to think, fair enough he's not artistic. But with him starting school he needs to be able to do that stuff surely? I was in the veg shop the other day where they had pictures done for an easter comp and all the children his age and younger coloured in beautifully...

He is also a lot of the time in his own little world, doesn't necessarily follow the class in playschool - prefers to walk around instead of song time etc.

I just can't shake the fact that i've failed in looking after him and bringing him up properly and he's going to struggle at school because of it. He is very bright in other ways though, loves puzzles and does 60 piece ones quite easily, is very good on the computer (handles the mouse better than my mum!) and builds the most amazing things from little lego...

So why can't I accept him for the lovely boy he is and always find faults with how he is? I am hugely proud of him but so panicky over the future!

Is this normal? does any one else find they do this? Has any one else got a dreamer? Does the fact he doesn't draw a problem for school?

I realise this is a weird post but if nothing else it's good to get it out there, DP is getting a bit fed up with my constant questions so don't feel I can turn to him much about this.

He's a boy.

DS2 (aged 4) is just like this. My friend was laughing because she has 5 year old twins, they had to produce her a mothers day card. Her dd's had taken ages, loads of writing, lots of patterns, flowers drawn neatly coloured in, her ds's was about 3 lines.

DS2 is taking ages to settle with writing etc because he's taken a long time to choose which hand to use- he's now settled on his left.

Having said all that ds1 is autistic so I know the difference between what I need to worry about and what I don't. The only thing that would concern me in your post is that your ds prefers to walk around at song time etc rather than join in the group. It wouldn't worry me alone, and it wouldn't necessarily worry me at all, but if there were other things concerning you then that is the one I would start asking the playschool about- it may just be that they let all the children do that so it's not unusual in that environment iyswim.

Tweetyfish, you musn't beat yorslf up. We all worry about our own kids. I've still worried about mine when they have been able to do things, you just move on to the next thin to worry about. I have got better as they've got bigger though.

You're ds sounds fine. I think at reception level they all start off with very different abilities in different areas and its amazing how the do all level out. Though, i guess some kids will always prefer to do certain things.

My friend's ds is a real dreamer and he showed no interest in reading at all. She worried herself to death that he would never read. He's now in yr 1 and reading all sorts of 'difficult' books by himself - he just did it in his own time! But he's now doing just as well as his peers.

Just to put your mind at rest, could you talk to your hv?

Jimjams, I think they call him back when he wonders and they may join in if he feels like it or may just stand there and wait until it's over - but he does participate on other days as he's taught me a song about walking through the jungle...

It's good to know that there are other dreamers about. I am hoping that when he starts school and has proper lessons where he has to go this or that he may inprove, it may be that there's other choices available to him that distract him!

I also have a strong suspicion that my mother's day card was made by his keyworker at playschool - looks suspiciously straight for my DS's gluing skills!

My ds1 was a bit like this - except he couldn't hold a pencil properly at all whn he was 5! He is left handed but I don't think it was anything to do with that. He did do a bit of drawing, but not at all until he was about 4, and his writing was awful. He was also bad at scissor control. BUT - he could build amazing models out of Lego, knex and plasticene, and was very bright and articulate.He would also go off into a little dream world - he wouldn't complete tasks in the allotted time, I think he just found school boring.TBH, he didn't settle at all well in school until juniors, and if I had my time again I would have worried less, perhaps started him at school when he was 5 rather than 4, when he had to go, and not bothered with school nursery at all. He is now 13, at grammar school, and his best subjects are English, art, and DT! He is still a bit eccentric, for want of a better word, but he has good friends and is really happy. My biggeste advice to you is not to panic, and not to compare him to anyone else -really hard when it's your first child. Some children do not fit in at normal primary school so well, but they will find their niche eventually. If you are worried there is something more to it, ask his teacher to help, but I think quite a few boys don't really "get" writing or colouring til a lot later.

worrying isn't unusual at all. i worry constantly about ds, most related to his speech. i've barely worried about anything in my life but once ds was born, i'm constantly worrying about development.

Thanks for your replies guys...

daddycool, I never worried before kids either

I think i'm going to make a big effort to not worry over it but just ride it and see what happens. It has dented my self confidence as a mum quite a lot so hopefully that'll improve too once i stop worrying!

We just had 5mins with me holding his hand and writing some bits and pieces on paper, just hoping it clicks or he gets the idea.

Oh tweetyfish, your post made me feel for you.
I understand totally where you are coming from but please try not to compare.
Yes, a lot of children who are coming up for 4 can write their name (or something like it) and colour in nicely, but by no means all. Those entries you saw for the colouring comp were from those adept colourers (I know you know this) and not those who don’t enjoy it.
Your DS sounds lovely, he loves puzzles (plenty of 4yos cannot do 60-pc ones) and ditto Lego, so clearly his fine motor is good.
You know that we all have different talents. FWIW My dd is a beautiful colourer, she suddenly took off in terms of neatness when she started at nursery school at 3. But the way other parents admire her colouring (she’s nearly 5 and very neat) suggests to me that many many children are not so neat. n fact I know this - her big brother who is almost 7 is not as neat as her and never has been really. So you see it varies so much and my example proves it can’t be about how well you did as a mum, please don’t beat y/self up about that.
There’s a little boy in reception with DD who has read all the way through the reading scheme books, including the ones usually read by end of yr 1 pupils. OTOH he can’t swim without floats. Another boy in the same class swims like a fish (has done 100m) but really is not interested in reading.
We all have strengths and ultimately we can play to them. Professional footballers are not always great intellectuals and university profs are not always athletes (sorry for generalisation). Your son’s schooling will bring out his strengths and build him up in his weaker areas I am sure. HTH
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Clary your message was so lovely it bought tears to my eyes! Thank you so much

Oh bless you tweetyfish.

Sorry about that erroneous line at the end - from something else altogether

FWIW my ds1 (year 2 aged 7.5) still cannot/will not colour neatly. Aged almost 5 he could not hold a pencil at all!

Has it been a problem at school for him lemonstartree?

My DSs were both competely uninterested in colouring, writing, drawing before they started school, but like your DS had lots of other interests. Now, age 7 and 4, neither has developed an interest in colouring (I never enjoyed it either), but both like drawing, writing, etc, if they're in the mood.

As far as worrying goes, I've posted before that DH thinks I have the educational equivalent of Munchausen's by Proxy, as I'm always thinking there's something wrong with their development.