newbie - parenting styles

[AllWrong2]

Hi there. I'm new to here and parenting. A new Dad of 7-8 weeks. Need help.

We've a baby who fights sleep. Nothing new there. It's too early to work out what works in getting him to sleep. All I know we've not found any way that wworks, it's still luck if he sleeps.

My issue is we've tried the mother's way which is to spend hours rocking, swaying, pram rocking, checking up on every little noise made when in cot/crib/pram, etc. I've not read the books, internet pages, leaflets, etc. like my partner. I have had more experience prior to our ds birth through family and friend's babies. I have instincts that appear gd and babies react well to me. My instincts are screaming to me that we're not doing things right. I think he needs to be left more to his own devices. Instead of rushing to every whimper or sucking of hands with comforting words, attention, cuddling or comfort breastfeeding we should wait, out of sight, to see what happens.

Am I even close to being right?

He's tired, she's tired and we're all feeling it. The only thing is, I'm naturally calm. It makes me seem distant. Causes arguments. She's better at that. I just can't answer all her questions when I suggest changing track. If I can't then that lack of answers for everything means I'm wrong.

Sorry for this war and peace epic. I'm just a Dad learning to cope with a baby and a new mother. Any advice?

I don't think any 'technique' is going to work at this stage. At such à young âge breastfeeding is the solution for all needs, including comfort and sleep. The Only way i found was to try and spend lots of time dozing whilst baby fed. Long spells of sleep with a new born is impossible. Remember; it will get better!

Do you get this of an evening or also through the day for naps?

It is normal for young babies to fuss and cluster feed for hours of an evening.

For naps, over tiredness is something to watch. Baby can struggle to go to sleep. About 1-1.5 hours of awake time is probably all mine could manage at that stage.

White noise and swaddling can help settle, worth a try.

A young baby craves closeness as they adjust to life outside the womb. Cuddles are good. Tiring yes. It may not feel it now but this stage passes fast.

Btw congratulations on your baby boy. Also fwiw we had some of our worst disagreements when dc1 was tiny.

Breastfeeding the answer to everything? Will tell the other half. It's always been mostly down to her. I'm back at work and without the equipment shall we say. I'm relegated to cooking (I like to do anyway), laundry and washing up. It was a pleasure to get into the bottle feeding to top up. We try to keep that to me as much as possible. It gives me valuable eye contact time. The way to my little fella's heart is his stomach!!!

Anyone think he could be stimulating himself if he has his hands free? It's something I heard could happen.

Hi newbie dad. Firstly... Congratulations!! Its amazing being a parent although the hardest job in the world!
My DS is 8 weeks old and changes what he likes on a daily basis. Some days he just wants to be breast fed until he goes to sleep and other times...he just wants to be put down!! Its so hard when you are both new parents and nothing seems to be working.

Is your LO not going to sleep even with all the cuddling or is it that he goes to sleep but wakes up frequently?

Yes breastfeeding is mainly the way to go but i wouldnt say it is the be all and end all. I think as a parent aswell, your DP should at least give your ideas a go too. Its trial and error, sometimes im wrong and myDH is right!

Our baby still fights sleep during the day, she is 14 weeks. For a few weeks my husband rocking her in his arms worked, but no longer. At night breastfeeding to sleep is all that works. During the day a long walk in the pram (as long as fed beforehand) usually works but she wakes when we come home. She naps on me after feeds during the day, sometimes on husband's shoulder if she's particularly sleepy. Go out with the pram and let your partner nap when you can, it's so hard being at home while you're at work!

Re: having hands free, at night we've moved baby from Moses basket to cot and she wakes herself up less now! She was starting to whack her arms on the sides of the basket. We didn't swaddle because of SIDS risk, we have a grobag.

Hello and congratulations!

All babies are different - what will work for one will not work for another.

For that reason it is worth trying everything.

We have a Summer SwaddleMe microfibre wrap - it is great. Our LO has been sleeping 8 hour stretches since 6 weeks and this coincided with using this. I recommended this to my sister whose LO is exactly the same age and he hated it - worth trying but not a magic solution.

We also have a Ewan dream sheep - initial uses have us an extra hour of sleep. Now LO self-settles to the harp.

Hands can certainly be an issue - my LO sleeps in her sleeping bag during the day but sleeps badly as she wakes herself up.

Could you try a sort of best of both approach to you and your partner's natural style? We started a bathtime routine from about 5 weeks I think. Bath, milk then swaddle in a dimly lit room.

My instinct is to respond immediately - remember that your wife and child are still getting used to not sharing a body.

Key advice - don't stress about it. Baby will settle into a sleep pattern when good and ready. Happy, contented parents will help this. Support your wife with your calm approach if she feels stressed by LO's crying.

My DD fights sleep, always has done, and I spent so long when she was younger worrying that I was doing it wrong. I think the worrying about getting it wrong affected me more than the fact of her not sleeping! DD is now 20 months and still not a fantastic sleeper, but I have come to realise that it is just her personality. At 8 weeks your son is still so tiny and is at the peak age for 'newborn fussiness'. He will get better by himself as time goes on no matter what you do now.

FWIW, I don't think either of you are wrong in your approach. I don't believe there is a right approach, just different ones. And I think newborn babies cause arguments in the most couples as the urge to protect them and get it right is overwhelming, so it's hard to watch someone else do what you think might be wrong.

We also found breastfeeding was almost always the answer, until a few months older at least, despite trying everything else. But this is probably something that depends on the baby.