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Parenting

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Original poster

Anyone else lost it and shouted at poor baby? :(

22 replies

mummy2benji · 02/02/2013 22:41

Argh... Feeling like the worst mum in the world. Dd is 3 months and has been really colicky tonight - largely because she has had a series of illnesses (bronchiolitis - 5 days in hospital - then norovirus) and now that she is feeling better she is feeding more, which her stomach isn't used to. It's been a hard 6 weeks (well, 3 months, as dh has had exams and not been around to help much, and I also have 4yo ds) but it is getting easier now. Tonight I just lost control and couldn't cope with the screaming - she wouldn't let me wind her, I had to stand up with her and jiggle her for hours. I snapped and shouted at her to stop crying ffs. I would never hurt her - I instantly put her down in her chair as I realised I wasn't in control anymore. Left her to scream for a bit then went back in when calmer. Cuddled her and now eventually she is asleep on my lap. Looking sweet and adorable and I have just yelled at the poor little love :( Just want to know if any other mums are as awful as I am? Feel so guilty I could just hold her and cry. Thanks for listening.

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IHeartKingThistle · 02/02/2013 22:46

You are not awful. Anyone who tells you they've never lost it is lying.

PilchardsonToast · 02/02/2013 22:47

Oh no please don't beat your self up about that, everyone with kids has either done that or really wanted to before. I know I sometimes spend whole days muttering at ds. There is no harm done at all, have a rest and a cup if tea and you will hopefully feel a bit better - if you don't feel better do try to get some support from people in RL -maybe a few hours to yourself sometime soon

LynetteScavo · 02/02/2013 22:49

We all lose it at some point eventually.

Luckily, DH was always around when DS1 was little. I don't know what would have happened if he hadn't been. It gave me huge respect for single mothers.

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Clandy · 02/02/2013 22:51

You did the right thing my stepping out for a bit. You know you would never hurt her, and she probably didn't even hear over her own screaming
Don't feel bad, you sound like you've had it rough and are at the end if your tether. Get a cup of tea and don't best yourself up over it

ThinkAboutItOnBoxingDay · 02/02/2013 22:54

Been there done that. Please don't feel bad.

Apart from anything else, at her age she doesn't understand emotion in voices so it won't have actually registered that you were cross.

I shouted at my 7 month old the other day. She was wriggling so much i couldn't change her, it's exhausting. She was getting nappy rash because the cream was being rubbed off before i could get the nappy on. I was at the end of my tether. Shouted at her to fucking stay still. I felt instantly terrible. Then i realised she was laughing at me. Full on giggling in my face. Apparently mummy losing it amuses her. On the plus side it distracted her long enough to get the nappy on. Now i shout at her all the time. God knows what the neighbours think.....

omaoma · 02/02/2013 22:58

Oh my darling, have had to hand my screaming DD over to my husband more times than I can remember when she was little, just couldn't BEAR the colicky crying which made me snap (and we only had a few hours an evening too). You did completely the right thing, and second thinkaboutit that she probably didn't even register what was going on. Give yourself some kind of break, a cup of tea, a yoga lie down for 10 mins, listen some music you love, that is really the message from the event - take it easy on yourself. You are doing your level best and learning as you go, which is what what everybody does.

Original poster

mummy2benji · 02/02/2013 23:07

Ah thank you lovely Mumsnetters, I am feeling calmer and much better after reading your nice comments. Dd is now settled in her cot and I am going to follow her example and head to bed soon. Sleep and a cup of tea do wonders for the sanity :)

OP posts:

HelenLynn · 02/02/2013 23:07

You know, I can't even remember whether I did, and it's hardly the distant past - DS is only 18 months; but it's such a blur, I don't even know any more (I am certain I often felt like it). You definitely don't need to worry.

5madthings · 02/02/2013 23:11

You did exactly the right thing in stepping away for a ,minute, don't beat yourself up it sounds like you have had a bad run if illness, hope that's the end of it and she gets well xx

RandallPinkFloyd · 02/02/2013 23:12

I've been a lone parent since DS was 4 months old. I've never once shouted or lost my rag.

I'm also a giant liar!

We've all done it and all felt like shit afterwards. Do what we all do. Beat yourself up about it for a while then put it behind you and move on. You're doing fine.

bumpybecky · 02/02/2013 23:15

yup, been there too. One one memorable occasion I lost the plot totally, yelled quite a bit before strapping a screaming dd2 into her car seat, plonked her in the middle of the front room, walked out shut the door and went into the back garden for a few minutes. She was safe and I could calm down a bit.

She must have only been a few weeks old. She's 12 now and doesn't remember!

Sioda · 03/02/2013 10:04

At 3 months she won't even have registered it honestly. I've always make the effort to curse in a nice tone of voice around her but recently burst into tears in front of DD during one of her screaming fits (nappy change induced - she's 8 months) and she thought it was the funniest thing ever. Started cracking up laughing at me. They really don't understand emotions yet.

shewhoknowsall · 03/02/2013 10:33

For sure! DD is 5 and I remember one night after 6 wks of no sleep (teething) and DH out working at night I lost it and started shouting at her. It frightened the life out of me and I sobbed for hours. DS is 9mths and teething and a few wks back I lost it again, started shouting (he hasn't slept more than 4hrs in a row since birth) and once again felt so awful I cried for hours while holding him in my arms.

You are not alone. It's scary losing control but when it happens it is a wake up call and we realise we need to take a step back, ask for help or just do what you did and walk away for a bit.

Screaming babies can bring the calmest person to their knees and break them.

scratchandsniff · 03/02/2013 10:36

DS is 3.5mths and we also went through about 6 weeks of colicky meltdowns. I ended up shouting at DS several times. There were times I asked DH to take him away from me and I thought what the hell have I done. Felt absolutely awful afterwards, but it shreds the nerves when you have a baby that's been screaming for hours. Luckily we're through that stage and apart from when he's tired or hungry he's now a happy smiley boy and I'm happier and more confident with him.

Bluemonkeyspots · 03/02/2013 10:41

I lost it in front off dd (2) last week, final straw was taking everything out her wardrobe when i thought she was asleep after a hellish day then standing on the clothes mountain and peeing on it!

I did not as much shout as loudly sobbed as I tried to clear everything up while she rubbed my back telling me it was ok "only accident mumma"

SnowyWellies · 03/02/2013 10:42

Been there done that. You are not alone, but the fact you stepped away from the situation and calmed yourself down means you are a GREAT parent.

DC1 once would not stop crying, and i screamed and screamed 'shut up shut up shut up' then walked away and cried for what seemd like hours (Then realised my windows were open and the neighbours (who dislike me anyway) were in the garden. But I walked away, and did not get further than screaming. That was years ago, and I still recall it and it still makes me feel lousy. It was a wake up call though- my DH was not pulling his weight, and I realised i needed him to step up to the plate.... and that I needed to ask him to step up too.

aimingtobeaperfectionist · 03/02/2013 10:58

We've all been there and felt like shit about it. You did the right thing like everyone's said, just walking away. Being so tired and having a baby crying at you all day can drive you to distraction.
I've often had a scream into a pillow followed by a long sobbing session

Fairylea · 03/02/2013 11:06

I have two dc and I've done it with both. Yes you do feel awful but everyone is human and babies are hard hard hard work.

Your baby is safe and well and won't remember it.

I told ds 7 months to shut the fuck up the other day because it was 5am and he wanted to get up and I was shattered. He laughed at me and then I laughed and we forgot about it.

It's difficult being a parent.

drownangels · 03/02/2013 11:14

My first baby was really easy and I had no problems at all with him.
My second baby cried and cried and bloody cried. The childminder wouldn't have him, I couldn't leave him in the creche in the gym for an hour while I tried to get some respite. There was nothing physically wrong and he was eating and doing everything else he should have been doing.

One day my friend rang up and I just yellled down the phone, I hate him! he is doing this on purpose. I'm looking at him now and he is winding me up delibrately! I can't stand him anymore!!
That baby is 13 now and sat next to me reading this and making jokes about it. He is so funny, clever and lovely--and blushing now!!

The point is - it happens to us all at some point!!

(I still yell at them from time to time as he will confirm!)

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 03/02/2013 12:09

As they say - EVERYONE has lost it and shouted at their baby. I've unintentionally made him laugh a few times with my ranting and crying [no emoticon exists for how that makes you feel]

OneSliceOfSwissCheese · 03/02/2013 12:14

You're not alone mummy. I've definately been there and I felt like an absolute monster afterwards.

Glad you're feeling a bit better.

tazmo · 04/02/2013 16:07

I shouted at ds1 when he was about 5 months cos he wouldn't stop wriggling his legs when I was changing his nappy. Think I had a bit of pnd! However, not sure what my excuse is these days (he's 4!). I have 2 other children and they all test your patience - at 6 months or at 4 years! Don't worry about it unless u feel you are depressed. Then you may need. Support from dh, family or Health visitor!

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