how to give older kids more independence in 2006?

[christie1]

It occurs to me my 8 and 9 year old are not street smart in that they don't have many opportunities like I did to "run the roads" and explore. They can't even walk to school because the crosswalks are a nightmare and no crossing guards. But I see they need more independence. I think about walking to school at 6, to the corner store, playing out alone or with friends for hours, running in the woods behind our house, but my kids are not getting htis. Any suggestions from you who have older kids about how you dealt with this. I want my kids prepared for life, they will leave at some point for uni or work and I won't be tagging behind to help. What are your thoughts on this. I am not overprotective in the extreme but I am a parent living in 2006 and things are different.

well i think you start small, stop a certain distance from school and let them go from that point perhpas meeting up with friends there, in town let them shop around a mall for 20 minutes before meeting back up with you, so principle is give them 10, 15 , 20 minutes to themselves in different situations..take them to cinema and pick them up and always instill staying together with sibling/s or friends

It's something you can only judge from your own setting, because only you know how busy the roads are, how confident your children are and what possibilities you have.

My boys are 8 and nearly 7. DS1 has just this year started occasionally walking home from school by himself - it's about 0.6 mile, some busy roads, but lots of people around and he has good road sense. They play out in the street. Since they were tiny at my mum's they have been to the corner shop to fetch Grandpa's paper: but that's not something we can do here as the shop isn't close. They play out in the street and have done for ages. The first journey they did with a road to cross was one with a Pelican crossing. They also learned to take a letter to the postbox for me (small but not busy road to cross.)

I think it's just a matter of looking for the possibilities and seeing what will work for you. Start small, and work up to longer outings/more responsibility.

Many swimming pools allow children unaccompanied aged 8. My ds1 is not yet at a point where I'd be happy doing that, but it may suit you.

And always sit down and talk about the rules and guidelines for a worst case scenario before it happens. Your children need to know what to do if they get lost, or forget what they are supposed to be doing, or are approached by strangers, or lose their money ... or whatever may be applicable.

Yes i would get them to know what is probably safe eg I have tended to say a shop assistant is someone safe to run to..

My older two are 10 and 6. Dd1 (10) is allowed quite a bit of freedom -- she's been walking to school with a friend since the beginning of Y5 (5 min walk; one nasty busy road with zebra crossing but no lollipop man). Ditto library and park. She also does short straightforward bus journeys to eg. sailing club, swimming training, again usually with a friend. I also send her on brief errands to the shops for me, and she occasionally meets up with friend to go on the bus to local shopping area where they have lunch at the Chinese and go to the cinema, or riffle through the rails at GAP. From September she will have to make her way to secondary school alone, involving bus and the underground journeys.

Start simple. I used to send dd1 out aged 6 to post a letter (30 secs round the corner, no roads to cross). At about 7 she was allowed to walk to/from her best friend's house (four minute walk, no roads to cross) after mothers had conferred on phone so we knew to expect them. Ds (6) is now allowed to post letters, and allowed to go to sweet shop with dd1 (4 mins, 1 road with traffic humps and chicanes). Then gradually build up from there, depending on your child's comfort zone and level of responsibility.

I think you are right to consider it now. I grew up in Germany where 5yo were expected to make their way to/from Kindergarten by themselves. Clearly the traffic nowadays and UK culture means that's not an option, but I do think that children who've never had the chance to explore their limits are more at risk when they do finally break away. And remember that statistically, the risk is from traffic, not random weirdos. The risk of being abducted/harmed by a complete stranger is the same today as it was in the seventies.

DS is 10 and he can't go out to shops from home cos no pavement on road

So we drive to local town and he first went into WHSmiths while I waited outside in car -- only one door

Then he went into the town with his best friend while her mum and I waited in cafe (the town only has one street really}

He has done that a few times

Then going to the mall and letting him go into bigger shops and we wait outside

It is very nerve racking though

He also walked from school into town with a friend after drama club {one saturday morning} crossing over roads {about 25 mins} BUT DH was driving around the area so he could keep an eye on them

good suggestions, and starting small is a must because they have little confidence on their own right now and I want to build it up. I guess i need to just loosen the reins and little and give them opportunites like you all said when they present themselves.