Do you worry more about one of your children than the other/s

[shallweshop]

Just wondered if its normal but I find that I worry far more about my DD (8) than my DS (6). I must stress that I love both of them equally, there is no 'favourite' I just stress more about DD. For example, if I hear of something horrible happening to a child, it is always DD that springs to mind when I imagine how awful it would be.

I wonder if it is normal to feel like this about one child over another - maybe its a first born thing or a boy/girl thing or if it could be to do with the fact that before I had DD, I had 3 miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy. When I was carrying DD, I had to take medication to prevent a further miscarriage so it was all very stressful and I didn't dare believe that I would end up with a healthy baby at the end of it. I wonder if I still carry the emotional scars so I still think she is somehow going to be taken away :-(

I would like to try and understand why I feel this way about DD in particular as I am worried that it will only get worse as she gets older and I have to let her go more. Can anyone relate to this?

My DD and DS are the same ages as yours and I do know exactly what you mean. We didn't think we could have children and it took years for DD to come along but I had a very long and traumatic induction/labour/emcs and I thought at one point I was going to lose her. To me it is a miracle that she is here.

I nearly didn't try for a second child as I felt that one was more than I could ever hope for. Also I was incredibly scared of the birth after last time. However DS came along just when I had banished all thoughts of having another child. He was another emergency section but this time I had a general anaesthetic. When I woke and was shown DS I oddly felt that I had no part in his delivery and could not give him his first feed. I was OK once the anaesthetic had completely worn off but definitely missed out the first part of the bonding process.

I feel that I am closer to and 'know' DD more than DS but I truly love them equally although differently.

Sorry if this is not much help but I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. It could be one or all of the reasons you gave above.

However letting go is quite a gradual thing and as DD gets older she is doing a lot more without me. She now has a hobby that is all day every Saturday. It was hard to get used to her not being in the house to begin with but I am getting used to it and definitely not worrying as much as I did.

Emlu, thanks so much for your reply. It does help to know that I am not the only one to feel like this. It's also comforting to hear that you are coping ok with your DD becoming a bit more independent.

Yes, I worry more about my son who is 3, he has two sisters aged 2 and 5, yet it is him that worries me by far the most. The only thing I can think of that may have caused this, is when he was 6 days old, he choked on a vomit, and was blue lighted into A@E. He totally recovered, but I shook me, and since have always been irrationally worried regarding his health.

Yes but I think it's an age thing. My older boys are 19 and 15 and my third is six - I worry about him more than the others but I'm sure that will change when the oldest goes to uni in the autumn.

Recall - how scary, I can understand why you feel this way about DS.

Fuzzymum - I guess you never stop worrying, no matter how old they are! I wonder if one day the balance of worry will transfer to my DS!!

I think it's a personality thing as much as anything else. My mum worried far more about my brother than about me, because he was impulsive and easily led, and I was more level headed. Hasn't changed in nearly 50 years; she still worries about him and believes I could cope with anything.

I worry more about dd than ds, because she is anxious and has made a couple of suicide attempts. Ds is low level defiant and very lazy, so he gets into more trouble on a day to day basis, but I don't think he'd ever do anything really foolish.

Also, dd has a disability that naturally leads to accidents: we have spent any number of evenings up in A&E with her, sometimes not sure if she would be ok; the worst that has ever happened to ds was a couple of stitches in his finger.

Oh Cory, that sounds really scary for you all. My two seem pretty similar in personality at the moment so I don't think its that issue for me. I guess we all have different reasons for why we worry.

Yes I worry more about my dd who is 8 as she is sensitive and prone to anxiety - I think she will always need 'bolstering' and reassurance. DS is 5 and fairly straightforward in comparison - although sometimes I worry that I don't worry enough about him and just let him get on with things too much . You can see where dd got the worry gene from!

Yes, of my four there is one who is much less resilient, much more vulnerable than the others. Some children just are - just as some adults are always more needy than others. And when I think about their futures, he's the one I worry about the most - although I know his siblings will always look out for him, which is really reassuring.

I worry about DS1 far more than about DS2.

DS2 is naturally co-ordinated, confident, and takes things in his stride.

DS1 is a worrier, timid and cares desperately about what other people think of him.