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Advice please re: DS not wanting to stay at XHs parents house

4 replies

Dizzykizzy · 27/01/2013 10:37

Since XH and I separated I have always made sure that DD and DS spend every other weekend with XH. However because XH went to live with his parents this means that DCs have to stay at their house. They get a bedroom but DS is made to sleep in what is their "junk" room and he hasn't got any of his own things. DS went through a bad time in the summer when he got very sad being there but I kept encouraging him and tried to talk to XH about it. However DS didn't want me to say too much in case it upset his Dad and grandparents. So I've been treading a fine line watching from a distance.

However over the past couple of months there have been a few times when DS has been bullied by XH and grandparents and has got very upset. I get sneaky phone calls from him as they dont like him calling me and he is crying. He wants to come home but he is really scared of upsetting everyone. XH and his parents are bullies and they would take it out on DS if he said he wanted to come home. DS really wants to see his Dad and misses him if he goes more than a few days without seeing him. I don't want to stop them seeing each other but it's heartbreaking and I can't let it go on as it is.

OP posts:
skullcandy · 27/01/2013 10:40

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nannyof3 · 27/01/2013 10:43

Dont make him go

Do day time trips...

Can ur exh stay at urs and u go out for the night?

Dizzykizzy · 27/01/2013 11:08

He's 11. XH is quite unreasonable so wouldn't make an effort to make it better for him. Nothing I or DS suggest to make it better would be listened to anyway. Also XH won't stand up to his own parents which makes it quite a hostile place for DS to be. Day trips are a good idea though.

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Missingthemincepies · 27/01/2013 14:15

Having been a child in divorced situation where I desperately didn't want to stay with my dad, please don't make him go. Have a good chat with DS and ask if he just wants day trips. If he does, that's what should happen.
Fwiw I now have a pretty good relationship with my dad, but it would have been destroyed if I'd been pushed at that point.
And it is totally unacceptable that he's not allowed to phone you whenever he wants.
It's really great OP that your DS feels he can talk to you about this, that's fantastic for him.
Also strongly recommend writing down a log of any bullying incidents, phone calls in tears etc, so if XH starts legally challenging you will have something to back up your decision.
Hope things improve for you all.

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