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Original poster

alcohol at mother and baby groups

30 replies

bobthebaby · 14/01/2004 20:20

I am well prepared to be called a stick in the mud for this one, but here goes.

At my mother and baby group this week the hostess offered everyone a beer, one girl had a gin. Most people were walking home, but one girl drove. I'm not sure why it seems weird to me. If we had all met for lunch and if I was not driving I would possibly have had a wine, but it just seems bad somehow to be in someones house drinking alcohol at 3 in the afternoon whilst your children crawl about on the floor.

While I was pg I went on a postgrad marketing course and one of the speakers was from New Zealand's road safety organisation. She was saying that they had done an ad about this very thing, but pulled it before it ever made it onto TV because people would say it was unrealistic - even though they had probably seen it happen.

So, how common is it? I couldn't bring myself to offer people who were going to drive a child home a drink, if anything happened I would feel too guilty.

OP posts:

BadHair · 14/01/2004 20:23

Would definitely not offer, or take, alcohol if driving. If walking home, would probably have a beer or glass or 2 of wine, but only if other mums were too, and only once the children were all settled and playing. And would probably feel bad about it afterwards, but them I'm a complete wuss when it comes to alcohol nowadays.

aloha · 14/01/2004 20:50

If only one person was driving why shouldn't she offer a beer? It's up the person driving whether or not they accept. She wasn't over the limit was she? I have to say, I like a glass of wine myself in the afternoon (though am having v dull sober January due to stupid impulsive joint NY resolution not to drink wine with dh in evenings. Still have one if someone else is buying though )
I served alcohol - wine, beer and champagne - at both my son's afternoon birthday parties and all the parents enjoyed it very much. I think a glass of wine in the afternoon is a real treat. We have enough to feel guilty about!

charliecat · 14/01/2004 21:12

I went to a 4 year olds birthday party in the afternoon and all the parents there were drinking wine beer and whatever else, and by the end of the party there were tipsy, laughing too loud parents everywhere. Couldnt say who was driving but nearly all were drinking. It wasnt nice and i didnt join in.
I just wondered why they couldnt leave the beer in the fridge since it was a kids party.
I grew up in a non drinking household and i will have one alcopop and be merry, once my kids have gone to bed once a fortnight.
I suspect bobthebaby and i will be in the minority.

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handlemecarefully · 14/01/2004 21:23

Mid afternoon drinking seems a bit OTT...especially in the context of a mums and babies group....I guess its all about context, because I wouldn't think it quite so odd at a family B-B-Q for instance.

I tend to save drinking for the evening when dd is in bed, because I don't like to be in any way 'impaired' when looking after her....(except for now when I am drinking precisely nothing never as I am currently teetotal due to pregnancy

Rhubarb · 14/01/2004 21:42

I went to a Christmas bash at a toddler group once and took my offering of a bottle of wine. I also do the same at kids parties. If there is a time when parents need to drink, it's in the presence of a hoard of kids all dancing to the Tweenies!

Chinchilla · 14/01/2004 21:46

We gave the non-driving mums wine at my ds's party in July. It was lunch-time. However, I do find it strange at a M & T group. A 'mum' friend and I always joke about it when we offer each other drinks, you know, 'Tea, Coffee, large glass of wine?', but we always have soft drinks in the day. Does seem odd, but not worth worrying about exactly.

aloha · 14/01/2004 21:47

Rhubarb - my sentiments exactly!
Actually, I would be terribly disappointed not the get a glass of wine at a kids party. It's what I look forward to.

MammyShirl · 14/01/2004 21:53

we always organise baby lunches at each others houses, i was once offered wine at 4pm and i refused, i thought too it a bit odd around

lots of babies and mums sqashed in small living room
4pm - after leaving there i would have to go food shopping and make dinner
did not feel like getting tipsy in the day i love alcohol, b4 dd i was out every week due to my job, it did involve going out a few times a week and drinking, but since having a baby you make sacrifices and to me - she comes first, i do like a glass of wine to unwind in the evening - not every night though and now and then i go out and get nicely pissed but non of it is around my dd. i think id find it difficult to look after her with a few drinks on me. i always just offer cold drinks and tea/coffee in the day meetings... i guess some people hold drink better than others, if i drink in the day, it really hits me!

bettys · 14/01/2004 21:59

With local mums (ie non-driving) when we get together on a Friday afternoon we often have a glass of wine. Also at kid's parties, I agree with Aloha & rhubarb, it makes them much more agreeable.

lydialemon · 14/01/2004 22:20

No, I'm with you BTB. A party, even a kids party I can understand it - it's an occasion, but drinking at a Mum and Toddlers meet-up in the afternoon seems odd to me. I will admit though that since I had kids I hardly drink anymore - I don't feel comfortable to be 'in charge' and tipsy.

norma · 14/01/2004 22:28

Lol Rhubarb!
At my ds' Christmas toddler bash, we all got tipsy on mulled wine. Broke the ice and all the mums chatted like never before. Those who were driving were dead jealous. Can't wait 'til next Christmas.

fio2 · 14/01/2004 22:57

If it was at this womans house and not in a church hall then no I wouldnt find it odd. Majoirty of kids parties I have been too wine has been offered. Even after my dd's school play and harvest festival there was a help yourself box of wine and sherrys

aloha · 14/01/2004 23:29

I'm not talking about getting falling down drunk, mind, before anyone calls Social Services

FairyMum · 15/01/2004 08:07

I don't really drink at all, but wouldn't have minded a small glass. To drink and drive is just stupid even if it is a small glass, but it's up to the driver to say no.

Bozza · 15/01/2004 10:47

I wouldn't have a problem with it although in practice I've only ever offered/partaken at parties.

Blu · 15/01/2004 10:53

We quite often crack open a bottle at our NCT tea group. No-one gets drunk, of course, or even tipsy, but we've become very good friends, and due to parenthood, can't get together in the evenings as we'd like, so why can't we have a normal adult social life, while the toddlers get on with toddling?if it's someone's birthday, we have champagne.

150percent · 15/01/2004 11:10

It is definitely not the norm for our group, (too many of us pg or b/f!) but we will from time to time have some wine or a beer (last week being one occasion when I was feeding 8m-old whilst drinking Bud - he was more interested in the Bud than the spoon though). It's rare enough to be a treat though - mainly adult birthdays or passing driving test or getting divorce papers through.

Doubtless even though this happens say once every 3 months or so, in years to come my children will be telling their friends that I spent their early childhood drinking heavily Makes me think of the YaYa Sisterhood....

Jimjams · 15/01/2004 12:20

I'm with the drinkers-m mine's a red wine please (although personally I don't drink at all when driving as I know it affects me). But if walking/staggering yes please.

Ds2's birthday party last year we dished out mulled wine. Will do again on Saturday.

ThomCat · 15/01/2004 13:10

Yeah - another vote for a glass or 2 of wine whether there are children present or not.

I wouln't get drunk when I had Lottie with me and I wouldn't drink and drive and I wouldn't drink before midday - those are my rules.

I personally wouldn't dream of having a party for Lottie and not offering my mates a glass of wine or a beer and they wouldn't dream of saying no!!
However nor would I go to a M&T group and expect anything other than a tea or coffe (then again i wouldn't go to a m&T group!!! )
Sorry - that's not a dig at anyone else, I just wouldn't go for my own personal reasons - not dissing anyone that does okay

morocco · 15/01/2004 16:09

I'm with you bobthebaby - mind you it's so long since I've been near a beer I'm probably just jealous.
just the m & baby thing seems odd - I'd avoid drinking anyhow when looking after ds but I do have a crap tolerance level too - but m & t is all about cups of tea and biscuits isn't it??

mammya · 15/01/2004 21:52

I'm with Aloha on this one...

traceyshep · 15/01/2004 22:41

At our postnatal group meetings we have tea and biscuits. Most people are driving then anyway! Every so often though we go out in the evening without our babies, and things are different then!

outofpractice · 16/01/2004 10:34

I think it is good to give children an example of moderate drinking in company along with food. I have talked to ds about drunks we sometimes see sleeping on the pavement, or drunks we see on a Friday night staggering, and he says, "You just have one glass of wine, don't you Mummy?" (I have to justify it to him if I have more!!) He has also learnt that I never drink anything when I am driving and that children cannot drink.

Carla · 16/01/2004 11:12

Agree entirely with ThomCat.

tigermoth · 16/01/2004 11:51

I'd definitly offer wine at parties, but also have some adult soft drinks on offer too - nice fruit juice, mineral water. It not much fun if the only alternative to wine is squash, and not everyone wants to drink endless cups of tea and coffee.

I'd never expect to be offered alcohol at a toddler group, but would happily say yes to a glass if I was offered one. Would find it surprising if the group met at 10.00 am in the morning, though.

The onus is on the drivers to accept or refuse as far as I am concerned.

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