Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

Original poster

Was DH too hard on DD?

14 replies

Flickstix · 21/01/2013 21:28

DD (7) had a major tantrum after school today as she had to do her homework and she thought there was too much and she wanted to sit down and watch the TV as it needs to be in tomorrow morning. There wasn't much to do, DH sat down and helped her for 10 minutes, all she had to do was copy half a page of writing out. She got upset so I sat down and helped her. She got cross with me so I left her to it but she started crying and making a real fuss. After 30 mins of doing no work and shouting in the kitchen DH sent her upstairs where she went hysterical, screaming and shouting that Daddy was an idiot. I went up to calm her down, she was holding her breath and bright red in the face. I sat and did the work with her and when she finished I told her to go and apologise to DH. DH said he didn't want to talk to her and he didn't want her in the sitting room after her behaviour and so she sat in the kitchen while I cooked.

Was he too harsh?

OP posts:

orangeandlemons · 21/01/2013 21:31

Yes. Sanction should be applied but not extended. Your dd could see this as isolating/rejecting her. Sounds like she was quite stressed!

IncognitoIsMyFavouriteWord · 21/01/2013 21:34

no I don't think he was.

Original poster

Flickstix · 21/01/2013 21:36

Sorry that was meant to say 'but it needs to be in tomorrow morning'

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

MadameCastafiore · 21/01/2013 21:36

No, hideous behaviour from a 7 year old. My DCs would have been punished for calling anyone let alone DH an idiot.

Original poster

Flickstix · 21/01/2013 21:37

She was really stressed, she's not great at controlling herself once she gets past a certain point and can get really hysterical/angry.

OP posts:

Original poster

Flickstix · 21/01/2013 21:39

She has called people idiots a few times over the last couple of weeks so we are trying to stamp it out, agree it's unacceptable

OP posts:

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme · 21/01/2013 21:39

Sounds perfectly alright to me. She escalated the situation herself by not only failing to do the homework when your dh tried to help, but then still refusing to do it when you tried to help. And then still not doing it when left to herself! She'd have got short shrift from me too.

Children really need to learn consequences sometimes. Speaking from bitter experience.

coldcupoftea · 21/01/2013 21:42

Agree with orangeandlemons - if she has been punished by being sent upstairs and has apologised properly (not just a sulky sorry) then that should be the end of it.

HokeyCokeyPigInAPokey · 21/01/2013 21:43

No he wasn't too hard, that's not acceptable.

NomNomDePlumPudding · 21/01/2013 21:45

did she apologise? too hard on her, i think. she is only little, and i think what your dh probably taught her here is that there's no point in coming back from the anger since she's just going to be met with rejection, even if she does.

Beamur · 21/01/2013 21:47

I don't think he was too hard, but it sounds a bit as if you and your DH have different approaches to this and that has escalated the situation.

ChristmasJubilee · 21/01/2013 21:49

I would not have let this behaviour go unpunished but I would not have ignored/rejected her once she had calmed down. He would have been better talking through her behaviour with her and deciding on a sanction. It may be worth looking at ways to prevent this happening in the future. Could she have a snack/drink and twenty minutes t.v. and then do homework.

morethanpotatoprints · 21/01/2013 21:57

Yes really too harsh.

You have to educate children and that means telling them where they are going wrong. her behaviour was clearly unacceptable but it seems like there's more to it than that. Anyway if she was punished/told off/ had it explained to her then her apology must be accepted. Your dh's behaviour was no better than your dd's and he's the adult. My dcs behaved like this when they were either too tired, struggling with the work, or wanted to play. Another issue but I think if the homework came today they should have longer to complete it.

JaquelineHyde · 21/01/2013 21:58

Your DH was 100% correct in my opinion.

Your DD was sent to her room acting like a brat whilst everyone was trying to help her with her homework. That punishment was for that act of bad behaviour.

Your DD then decided to not only continue with the shouting and screaming but began throwing insults at her Dad.

That needed to be addressed seperately, your DH didn't want to speak with her because he was hurt (and probably still fuming) and your DD needs to learn that sometimes when you say nasty things to people they get hurt and sorry just doesn't wipe it all away.

I would have explained to your DD why her Dad was so upset and asked her how she would have felt if anyone called her horrible names.

Flip