I'm 35 and have a 20 week old son, who I absolutely adore. I desperately wanted to be a Mum, and I am grateful every day that I managed to conceive and have a safe pregnancy and a healthy baby. So don't get me wrong.
All of that said, I'm finding adjusting to motherhood is a real struggle. I'm finding I don't really know who I am in this new all consuming role. I'm scared that I'll get swallowed up by it all and wake up in a few years wondering what happened to me! I find myself really missing my professional career, my financial independence, having my body to myself, having a social life beyond baby etc.
I had a fairly traumatic birth, and still feel physically damaged. I'm breastfeeding and sometimes don't know where I end and baby begins. My libido has vanished. I worry I'm not the woman my husband married. My baby refuses anything but the boob, so I can't be away from him for more than a few hours - making time to myself scarce. Sleep is still endlessly disrupted (?4 month regression) so I'm exhausted.
I've thrown myself in to meeting new mums, but I'm finding that there's only so much baby-talk I can do before I feel like I'm going mad. I know the time I have with my son as a baby is all too brief, and that I need to make the most of it, but I'm worried that feeling this lost will impact on my son.
Does this make sense to anyone?