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Unfeeling daughter - am I alone?

3 replies

FragmentsofRED · 15/01/2013 08:23

I just want to know if anyone else suffers this?

Perhaps I shouldn?t be here now, but I never had any problem with my children when they were younger, I have three, two lovely boys and a daughter who I don?t like very much. I know that on the face of it that sounds horrible but her behaviour to everyone is incredible, unbelievable and she?s lost all of her friends and acquaintances because of it and I am now the only person in the world, bar her son (or weapon as he?s mostly used as) she has. I have tried to take a backseat, tried to help, tried to show her, tell her what she does to people; I?ve tried everything there is to try. Occasionally around three times in double the amount of years she has come to me (when something has really, really upset her) and told me she knows how bad she is but then she just goes back to it. I know there is nothing I can do other than wait, and hope and pray. I?m not one of those ppl who needs to try different things, I have tried and suffered to the point of having hardly any feeling left for her, and I feel sorry for my grandson who has to be dragged along in the aftermath of her lazy parenting and ?can?t be bothered? life, she complains about everything to do with responsibility. I do my best, I see my grandson all the time, I gently help when I think I can and I stand back when I need to but I still get upset that she hates me and the world just because someone has not given her an amazing life on a plate, she blames the world because she is not rich and married to a wonderful man with a lovely car and house and we all have to pay for her apparent unhappiness at not having more than most ppl I know.

All I want to know is, am I alone? Do other people?s children, children they have given everything to, who they have loved and cared for and protected and given the best of life to still turn on them and behave in ways that are unimaginable and unfathomable? I just want to know I?m not alone, I know my daughter calls me behind my back to everyone she meets, her ex boyfriend tells me he thought we were a terrible family when he listened to what she had to say, then he said she turned out to be the girlfriend from hell and we are all lovely people. I know she attention seeks although she?d never admit it but why must she use some pretend made up lies about the people who care most for her in order to get that attention? It does not make sense.

I want the best for her but sometimes I just despair. Anyone else suffer the same? Be nice if we could support each other.

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mummy2benji · 15/01/2013 09:04

I really feel for you. I am not in the same position myself as I have 2 small children. But I know you are not alone in this as I am a GP and have talked to several women in very similar situations. At the end of the day you do what you can for your children but when they grow up they have to start taking responsibility for themselves, and it sounds like your daughter has not yet learned to do that. Have you tried counselling? It might help you get some of this off your chest and help you feel more at peace. Your GP could refer you. All the best x

rubberglove · 15/01/2013 20:21

She can't be like this for no reason. Could she have mental health problems? Has she picked up on the fact you like her brothers but not her?

FragmentsofRED · 16/01/2013 15:45

Its not that I like her brothers better, until she turned 16 we were the closest and the best of friends... I don't not like her, sometimes I feel so much love it overwhelms me but at times when she causes me distress to the point of me wanting to end my own life just to stop the pain, then, then I feel as if I don't like her. It's not about sibling rivalry at all, we all do things as a family, I keep everyone together and we always make time for each other and she is included all the time except when she purposefully excludes herself. I guess I just wish, she had (like the GP above said) learned to accept responsibility for herself as she is quite old enough now. Like I said, I guess I will just have to wait it just breaks my heart sometimes to watch her waste opportunities etc.
and yes, talking about it does help, maybe not counselling as I am fairly good at self help but yes, talking, telling other people just how unhappy she makes me feel sometimes helps a great deal!
Thank you for reading and thanks to mummy2benji for telling me I'm not alone... that helps a lot! :)

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