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Parenting

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Original poster

Rude to grandma at 2.4...can I do anything?

11 replies

robin3 · 20/04/2006 14:16

DS 2.4 is really very rude to DP's mum. Sort of the same with my Mum but if my Mum makes an effort to interact it stops.

DP's mum is quite disabled and quite gruff as an individual so doesn't play with him and tends to be quite verbal.

He basically gives her a good talking to...I pretend he's just garbling on but I can understand and he's saying 'don't touch my toys''don't sit there that's my seat' etc. She gets his generally negative manner and says 'we are grumpy today' or something similar.

Anyway...is there anything I can do at his age?

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PrettyCandles · 20/04/2006 14:18

Is he echoing the sort of things he hears from her? Does she tell him "Don't" a lot?

Socci · 20/04/2006 14:19

My 2.4 year old dd is like this too - I think it's an age thing. IMO you can encourage kind behaviour but at this age you can't expect too much.

Original poster

robin3 · 20/04/2006 14:24

She is a very forceful woman. She doesn't have to say no because he's really very well behaved at her house. She does join in on discipline with generally useless comments like 'bad boys don't get cake' or 'when you squeal you sound like a girl'.

He's never liked to sit on her lap or have hugs or kisses. He talks about her merrily and waves bye bye and blows kisses but that's about it.

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Socci · 20/04/2006 14:35

I think it's a bit mean of her to say that about squealing - he's only 2. 2 yr olds squeal when frustrated because they don't have enough language to articulate how they feel.

PrettyCandles · 20/04/2006 14:35

He's probably quite aware of her lack of mobility and the fact that she doesn't play, which I imagine is why he doesn't want to kiss and cuddle her etc.

You can't really tell a child of this age "don't say don't", but to my mind it's probably all about lack of interaction.

He's probably quite bored and uneasy there, because something's just not quite right, in his mind, but he can't put his finger on what it is.

Does she ever initiate anything with him?

Original poster

robin3 · 20/04/2006 14:43

She's actually really sweet but in a Pauline Fowler type way...so offers him little cups of tea and cake...all the things that a 2.4 yr old couldn't care less about.

She does say silly threatening things but that's her way. She loves to see him and let's him play ballgames in her sitting room! She can't lift him or kneel down or even bend down really. When he was small he wasn't a huggy baby at all so he wasn't happy to sit on anyones lap for long. Now he's very affectionate but not with Grandma.

She doesn't seem to expect me to do anything about his manner towards her but it's really embarassing to watch.

I tried explaining that she's Daddies Mummy and he wouldn't like it if someone was rude to me but reckon that passed him by.

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PrettyCandles · 20/04/2006 14:45

If she's happy with the situation, and not offended then just let it be. I really don't think that you will be able to change his manner of speaking. Children do go through very negative phases, and the best way to reinforce the n egativity is to make a fuss over it.

Socci · 20/04/2006 14:53

At 2.4 most children are too young for that sort of reasoning imo, but if you want to improve their relationship perhaps you could suggest an activity you know he likes for her to do with him - he may see her differently then.

Socci · 20/04/2006 14:55

I agree with PrettyCandles. Also I think it's worth bearing in mind that within families there are people we get on well with and others not so well just like in any situation.

fairyjay · 20/04/2006 14:58

I have an Aunt who loves my kids dearly, but has never had children of her own, and tends to be very blunt. As little ones, mine used to get a little upset, but they now understand that it's 'just her way', and that infact she would do anything for them - and us!

My Dad was disabled, but he and my mum spend hours playing carpet bowls with my kids when they were young, which he could sit down and do. Also card games, dominoes etc. They provide some of our happiest memories - and more importantly, my children remember their grandad playing with them.
Just a thought!

Original poster

robin3 · 20/04/2006 15:01

I don't like to ask the victim to make more of an effort really.

Glad to hear he's not the only one. He loves just about everyone else but then other people are more fun.

I just wish he'd ignore her and keep quiet...drink his milky tea and eat his cake

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