My 3 year old doesn't like me.

[YesAnastasia]

I guess I know he loves me deep down but I have felt like he doesn't like me more or less since he was born.

There's so much to say on the subject but he's said he doesn't like me (twice) and hates me. Quite calmly, like he just wants me to know - although I could tell he tried to stop the 'hate' word coming out halfway through.

I don't usually let it bother me but it does today (because I've been stressed & a bit depressed). He adored his Daddy (who thinks it's funny) and never says these things to him.

Please someone tell me this is normal. If it isn't then how do I respond to this? He either means it or he's trying to hurt my feelings.I already tell him it's hurtful and that he shouldn't say things like that to 'people' but he doesn't seem to listen.

Anastasia, i would be really surprised if he did actually hate you. i don't think he does. i think he loves you because you are his mum.

does he say this when you have told him off?

please don't take this too seriously. when my dc tell me they hate me i say, well maybe you do right now.

it is normal. especially when being told off.

I own a 3 year and I'm a bad mum (his words) many times a day.

I'm the one who disciplines him. When he goes to his dads he gets away with everything.

Don't think too much of it. He is just trying to express his emotions and that's easy way for him

A 3 year old does not really know what it means to hate.

Whenever I get this, it's usually after me telling them something they don't like.

My standard answer is to say that I not too keen on them right now either

I suspect there is plenty more of this to come as they get older - so it may pay for you to find a way to ignore

He doesn't like what you're doing/saying - it's not that he doesn't like you. Kids that age can't distinguish between the two. And I'm damned sure he loves you.

My 3 year old even sots on the steps with a back pack and tells me hes waiting for nice mum to get him

How is your relationship with your son? I ask because I get like this when I'm feeling down/guilty or haven't been able to spend nice time with my 3 year old.

Ds says he doesn't like me/daddy with all seriousness. It's horrible to hear and unless I'm feeling shitty, I don't take it seriously.

Spend some quality time with your son. Cuddly bedtimes, trips to the park, mess around. Let the small stuff go.

IME all dc go through a stage of "hating" one of their parents.
The trick is to ignore when he's saying stuff like that, but try to have some happy time together, do some fun activities just the two of you.

If you are generally the disciplinarian and your dh a fun dad, maybe some role reversals would help.

I would definitely not believe that he hates you, and even if it hurts, don't show it at all, or he may use it against you (children are manipulative!)

So it's normal then? - sigh - Ok.

Btw, my DS 'adores' his Daddy, he's still alive.

I do all the discipline because I'm here all day so I have to. Maybe it's case of 'familiarity breed contempt' and Daddy is a novelty. He's also more fun than me. And less shouty. It's not the case with DS2 though, he's the opposite, he only wants me.

I'm far too sensitive. I need to toughen up with all the males in this house.

SPsFanjo I'm sorry but that made me chuckle a little. That's harsh.

I know he loves me but I think you're right Iggly (again :)) we aren't 'connecting' at the moment and he's had a re-jig with nurseries. Then there's me, stressed & down - getting shouty.

I think it might be manipulation of a sort TheDeadly its definitely the first time he's hurt me with words - maybe he's experimenting with that. I normally can ignore it. I will next time.

It's strange though because when he was born, I couldn't stop looking at him, kissing him etc but he had colic so was v unhappy most of the time and I know it sounds odd/unbelievable but I think the dynamics of our relationship started there. He hardly ever comes to me to cuddle & I'm always trying to kiss & cuddle him. I tell him I love him, he says 'I know'. I asked him what he thought I did while he was at nursery & he said 'you miss me, of course'. Maybe I just annoy him. I can't be any different though, I am a very affectionate person.

It sounds to me a bit like you are expecting too much of him, he's barely out of toddlerhood and a long way off being able to accurately express his emotions (lots of people get to adulthood without mastering this!). You are responsible for making sure he feels loved - not the other way around

FWIW. My own 3yo clearly expressed a preference for DH ever since he was old enough to make his opinion known! Suddenly in the last couple of weeks he has switched and become very affectionate with me, while telling DH "I don't love you, I just love Mummy". We just laugh at the randomness of it all, of course he loves and needs us both equally.

Yes If I open the fridge door and close it he will run down and forget about leaving home in return for a yogurt

If you read my above comment, he certainly feels secure that we love the bones of him & always will. He's a very confident boy, I won't make it an issue with him.

He also, is not the reason why I've been depressed of course. I just feel a bit sad about it at the moment because I'm already a bit vulnerable and he's been saying it all day.

SPsFanjo Very clever of you. Hmm, next time he says it I will hold out a Magic Star (current obsession in this house) & say 'Oh really??' He might change his mind. Best advice. Ever.

I can be called a bad mum and be told i love you in the same sentence sometimes depending on how close to the fridge I am

I wouldn't take it to heart. When he first started saying it,it did get to me but after a while I realised he was just not happy been told off and that's how he expressed that.

Ooooh, the little cherubs know what they're doing don't they? Well I've just found a favourite action figure we thought was lost so maybe he'll like me tomorrow.

I will also role play for a full half an hour tomorrow while ds2 is napping (I'm Harly Quinn or Catwoman depending on his mood...) instead of trying to do puzzles or read with him. We'll get some bonding done. Thanks ladies :)

I will be pretending to be on fire while he pretends to put the fire out. Such a gentle soul

So common but they don't really understand what they're saying. Most of it just related to fun daddy, mummy doing discipline as others have said. Friend's dd1 (3) said the other day that she only loved Daddy and wanted to go and live with him in a cave and that her mummy could stay with DD2. It's just whoever most recently told them something they didn't want to hear. Remember the oven chips advert chips or Daddy? That is so absolutely the sort of things kids say! As others have said, don't take it to heart.

DH & I play that one SPsFanjo

"Daddy or chips?" That was such a cute advert! Yes, he's been lovely today. Although I did get the usual trick of him puckering up for a kiss then licking me at the last moment and laughing his little head off for ages.

Kids eh? :)