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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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Original poster

Sex education for toddlers!?! Book recommendation?

24 replies

MummytoKatie · 12/01/2013 17:52

Dd is 2.9 and is (apparently) a very good communicator for her age and also seems to be the sort of child who likes to think things through very carefully.

I'm 20 weeks and she knows there is a baby in my tummy and that the baby will be her brother or sister. A friend has just given birth and we went to visit her and the baby the other day and she also seems to understand that the baby she could kiss is the same baby that used to be in "X's mummy's tummy".

On the way home in the car she suddenly came out with "do babies come out of your bottom?". To which I replied "yes - that's right - who told you that". I got "no one - I just worked it out." in reply. She then went on to ask about the baby in my tummy if it would come out of my bottom.

We are now slightly concerned that she may ask the "how did the baby get in your tummy" question and need advice. "Mummy and Daddy love each other very much and wanted to have a baby" seems a bit pathetic but I don't want to chuck "50 shades of grey" at her and say "a bit like this but with a lot less spanking".

So what do I do if she asks. Are there any age appropriate books out there? She seems far too young but I want to be prepared just in case. Hopefully she won't then ask the question for another decade year or two!

OP posts:

ALovelyBunchOfCoconuts · 12/01/2013 18:07

i think at 2.9 the "mummy and daddy love each other..." is sufficient. you can link it together as she gets older and asks questions. my dd asked way i have periods i replied with saying that i have a period because i haven't got a baby in my tummy and if i did i wouldn't have a period. i don't think any detail is needed at this age. my dd was 3.6 when i had my ds and is now 4.9.

ladyintheradiator · 12/01/2013 18:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Permisson · 12/01/2013 18:17

My DS asked me how the baby got in ny tummy aged 2. I mumbled something about eggs and seeds and he was happy with that.

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LadyCurd · 12/01/2013 18:19

Mummy laid an egg is very good, my two year old enjoyed spotting the babies in tubes etc.

why on earth didn't you say vagina though?! It makes me wince when people avoid vulva and vagina- just body parts no shame.

Back2Two · 12/01/2013 18:21

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This has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns

Original poster

MummytoKatie · 12/01/2013 22:12

I was driving in rush hour traffic at the time. To be honest I was fairly impressed that I didn't crash the car!

She calls the entire area her bottom at the moment. We've only just started potty training so until now she's had a nappy on so the only time the area has been "available" to her has been in the bath when she is too busy either shouting at me that she doesn't want a bath or shouting at me that she doesn't want to get out (Or both. I love bath nights!) to start figuring her body out.

At some point I'll explain that the front of her bottom is her vagina as she is now starting to get interested in exactly where her wee and poo come out from but it hadn't occurred to me to do so yet as it hadn't come up.

OP posts:

GoldPlatedNineDoors · 12/01/2013 22:14

I.bought this for my Nephew when he was about five. Its a good little story.

RuchedCurtain · 12/01/2013 22:15

We've just read "Mummy Laid an Egg" in amongst all her other bedtime stories for a long time. There's only 20 months between mine so she wasn't able to ask, I just thought she may wonder! She's never seemed perturbed by it and has a good understanding of the basic facts now at 3.1.

Original poster

MummytoKatie · 12/01/2013 23:19

Thanks - have ordered both books.

OP posts:

steppemum · 12/01/2013 23:49

Mummy laid and egg is great for sex ed.

There is also an usbourne first experiences book about mummy having a baby which is very nice, well worth having

ZuleikaD · 13/01/2013 06:16

Why on earth did you tell her the baby comes out of your bottom??

Make sure not to answer questions she hasn't asked, but be clear, straightforward and honest when she does ask. It probably won't occur to her to ask how the baby got there yet (as far as most toddlers are concerned, mummies just grow babies like plants grow leaves).

Original poster

MummytoKatie · 13/01/2013 18:42

Because she calls the entire area her bottom. To be honest we haven't really thought about it - with a nappy on the only real relevance is "mummy - my bottom's sore" to which I never thought to reply "Actually sweetheart you have a sore bottom and sore vagina".

But she is now potty trained (I think ) and is already getting very interested so I think I'll tell her the correct words.

Hmm - I've just remembered that she still calls breasts "milk". (Only stopped feeding her a few months ago.) might need to fix that one too.

OP posts:

leaharrison11 · 15/01/2013 19:46

I believe children of that age dont need to know the ins and out ( no puns intended ) when my little brother of 5 asked how the baby got in my tummy i said magic, when he asked how the baby gets out i again said magic its the innocence of a child and have many of years to learn about the birds and the bee's ! Keep in light and simple i say

MirandaWest · 15/01/2013 19:48

Why would you tell a 5 year old its magic? Telling them what actually happens makes more sense surely?

leaharrison11 · 15/01/2013 19:58

I just believe that children should be children , and if people do the mummy loves daddy path then DC asks for sibling and mummy and daddy say no whats the poor child going to think mummy and daddy dont live anymore ! A 5 year doesn't need to know the truth of it and it saves confusing him with one story now and a different when he is older he was happy with my answer

ZuleikaD · 16/01/2013 05:50

leaharrison it's absurd to tell a school-age child that it's 'magic'. They'll just be made fun of when it's discussed in the playground and probably get a garbled version from another child that will either terrify or massively confuse them. They don't get confused or upset by the truth, and you've done precisely what you said you wanted to avoid: "confusing him with one story now and a different when he is older". You're confusing innocence with ignorance - children can know where babies come from and still be innocent.

My 3 year old knows

that there's a baby in mummy's tummy
that only mummies have babies (not daddies)
that there's a special hole between a mummy's foof and bottom where it will come out.

She understands all that because none of the terminology is unfamiliar and I've answered questions simply and honestly as they've arisen.

leaharrison11 · 16/01/2013 08:26

Im sorry but when did this turn into a discussion of cattyness, I do not believe it to "absurd" neither do i believe your way of doing it is "absurd" my DS is now 13 months so its been a long time since i was pregnant and my little brother has never been bullied or upset in school by this! This site is for advice and personal stories of how you have gone about things with little ones! If you dont like how someone has treated a situation dont do yourself , its pretty simple but to sit behind a computer and tell someone that there idea is absurd is very shallow minded, everyone has a doffrent way of raising children and guiding them threw, i didnt believe my little brother needed to know he was 4 there for he didnt need to know and obviously as he gets older he will no longer believe in magic so when he is older and asks again he will be told in more detail , but you need to see this everyones personal way of doing it there is no right or wrong

leaharrison11 · 16/01/2013 08:28

And also saying he WILL be made fun of ... That is very absurd to assume that just because people dont do things your way it doesnt make it a negative

sh77 · 16/01/2013 22:48

V patronising post zuleika. Not the first...

ZuleikaD · 17/01/2013 06:03

If it's not patronising to tell a child that's perfectly capable of understanding the truth that an entirely normal and everyday bodily process is magic out of some bizarre attempt to preserve the 'innocence' of childhood then I don't know what is. Have some respect for your child's intelligence, for goodness' sake.

leaharrison11 · 17/01/2013 08:18

Ok lets go out and tell every child that there is no santa to don't want to dis respect there intelligence! im sorry but i dont understand why you are so offensive like i have said this site is for advice, past stories, and personal experience! You have no right to say what is right and what is wrong how u raise and do things is your way i would never judge on a post same as i wouldnt expect to be judged ! I believe you have to much time and just like to insult people ! Now unless you have anything positive to say or advice yourself for the lady asking this question i advice you not to comment ! As you have been rude

ZuleikaD · 17/01/2013 09:09

I'm sorry if you're upset, lea, but you've called me rude, catty, shallow-minded, offensive and told me I have too much time on my hands and like to insult people. I haven't called you anything - I've simply expressed an opinion as I (and you) have every right to do.

I'd also like to point out that you've been talking about your brother, not your child, so if you're really going to be stringent about what people can and can't say on threads then you shouldn't be posting on this thread at all as you have no experience of parenting five year olds.

leaharrison11 · 17/01/2013 09:16

Your child was three....

ZuleikaD · 17/01/2013 10:54

I'm not the one who started saying what could and couldn't be addressed on threads. Look, this is wrecking poor MummytoKatie's thread so if there's anything else you want to say, just message me.

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