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Parenting

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Original poster

Dh seems jealous of dd

11 replies

daisydee43 · 11/01/2013 20:45

I know what everyone's going to reply to this but I thought if get it off my chest anyway...

My dh seems to be jealous of the time I spend with dd 8 mths. He was really keen to have kids and even had to persuade me a little but since the birth he's been wanting to take all my attention. Recently he said he's bored and wants to do more fun stuff together without dd. was really looking forward to a family day together tomoz but now mil is babysitting. Don't know what to do but definitely not considering having another baby until things change

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JiltedJohnsJulie · 11/01/2013 21:58

Does DH ever look after DS alone?

strumpetpumpkin · 11/01/2013 22:05

are you still spending time together and still being affectionate to each other??

LaCiccolina · 11/01/2013 22:07

Many men get this in first year. Usually coz there's a limit to what they can do. It gets a little easier as they start to get older and more interesting for them.

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ThreeWheelsGood · 12/01/2013 00:33

does he do much with the baby? my DP has bonded really well with our baby - even though I'm breastfeeding - he does nappy changes when not at work and winding after feeds. we do stuff together the three of us - supermarket shop, going out for coffee, having friends round. do you still laugh together, talk about stuff which isn't baby related? that's important.

Original poster

daisydee43 · 12/01/2013 08:33

We prob don't make time just for us but I feel guilty asking family to babysit and often they can't do it. Dh has little to do with dd although he's planned a day out just with her on sun and has her for few hrs in week when I go out. He doesn't do anything for her when I'm there ie nappy changes etc. yes we still laugh and don't talk about baby things, sometimes feel as though he wants to act like we never had her but I guess he's tired in eve after work. Any suggestions?

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strumpetpumpkin · 12/01/2013 08:46

You say he hasnt actually said hes jealous, yet is acting a bit like he just wants the old relationship back and seems a bit jealous. I think youd do well to keep it in mind. He needs to bond with the baby, and you need to still be a couple. I think its pretty common with first babys to it be a lot harder to adjust to than can ever be expected. Women have all the hormonal thing going on that will make them adore and fall head over heels with their baby, whereas men its not always quite the same. Can be a bit of a shock for both sides, especially if the dynamics of the whole relationship between him and his wife/partner change completely.
I think he should be building his bond with the baby and doing things with her when youre there, so hes not just a provider and occasional babysitter. So shes his baby too and your baby together.
Also make time to reconnect. Hes making it clear that that would be really important to him, and I think its good for all couples with babies tbh

TheFallenNinja · 12/01/2013 09:29

My views a bloke is that I am no longer the most important person in our relationship, as such DD requires as much time, love and attention that DP has. My job now is to be a dad. There's enough love in our house for all three of us. The time I used to spend alone with DP is now spent with DP looking after our dd and each other.

It doesn't phase me, this is just a new role and I'm grateful to have it.

Original poster

daisydee43 · 12/01/2013 13:50

Have gone out together for few hrs today. What's a good family/alone time balance?

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JiltedJohnsJulie · 12/01/2013 17:08

Me and DH are lucky if we get a night out every 3 months, I'd like more now the children are a bit older but DH would be happy to never go out.

When you say he doesn't do anything with her, what time does he get in during the week? Could he start doing DDs bath time?

BertieBotts · 12/01/2013 17:21

He needs to buck his ideas up and get more involved. Why doesn't he do anything for DD when you're around?? Am sorry to say he's following the "entitled twunt who persuades his wife/gf to get pregnant in order that everyone respect his mighty sperm, but expects her to do all of the childcare because it's wimmin's work and still maintain her previous role of making him happy" script perfectly so far.

Can you kick him up the arse massively in the hope that he realises what a dick he's being? If not I feel for you - I fell for one of those too :(

SamSmalaidh · 12/01/2013 17:22

DH and I try to go out alone together once a month, and probably have an overnight/weekend together about 3 times a year. That seems fairly usual among friends with similar aged children. Before DS was 6 months we only had one or two evenings out though.

I think your DH needs to do more with the baby when you are both there - he should be doing at least half the nappy changes (I'd argue all if you are breastfeeding) and assigning him bath and bedtime would be a good idea.

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