Day Nursery = a more socially confident baby?

[321ashers]

I may not go back to work so that I can look after my ds full time, money would be tight but we can manage. But suddenly I'm scared that by not going to a day nursery he will miss out on important social skills. I want him to be happy and confident around other children. If I wait until he is nearly 3 to go to a pre school will that be early enough?

of course it will. Neither of mine went to nursery until they got their free hours at age 3

Yes of course, my dt's are very sociable and they won't start nursery till they are 3. We go to playgroups and meet up with friends and family so they socialise then.

He'll be fine. He learns social skills from watching you interact with others at this age anyway, children under about 3 don't play with others, they just play alongside.

I think the 'socialising' angle is often used in the SAHM v WOHM debate. But in truth, you should do whatever suits you and your family the best. Either way, your DC will be fine!

Completely fine in fact my dd didn't go until we got the free hours and then I was very choosy about where I sent her. She is one of the youngest at school and they often comment on how socially confident and happy she is .

They learn more before 3 by being with you and seeing how you interact I think, so find out what's going on locally, nct, aquatots, children's centres etc and get out there and both enjoy yourselves

Thanks! I think you've all told me exactly what I was secretly hoping to hear. Pretty much made my decision now, just need to tell dh that we will have to tighten our belts.

DD has been at nursery since she was 1 when I returned to work. She was a very shy and clingy baby, and we hoped nursery would give her more confidence, especially around other kids. Now at 2.7 she's a shy and clingy toddler...

Out of my peer group of mums who had babies around the same time as my DS those who went to daycare nurseries seem to be the ones with poor social skills. Either shy, not good at playing with others or possessive/not good at sharing. Those with SAHMs or who had nannies or other carers seem better adjusted, more confident, able to play well with others at the age of 4 or 5.

I have read that children learn their early social skills from watching the behaviour of the mother/carer. Helping them learn to play with others by showing them how to share toys in a playgroup setting and how to attempt to join in playing with a group of children or another child will really help them. I think in daycare nursery it could be more of a 'bunfight' with kids left to slog it out amongst themselves so not really learning social skills as such.

Babies don't need to be socially confident! I was a sahm when my children were very young but spent a lot of time in the company of other parents and similar-aged children. When they were about 30 months we paid for them to go to a couple of morning-only playgroups for a while, and then they just had their 15 hours a week at school nursery from the age of 3+. Both perfectly fine in social situations and moved on to full time school with no problems whatsoever.

I don't believe children are meant to be socially confident before 3. Of course people need to work and most nurseries are great and social skills a great bonus but for me I like my children to be at home with me and gain their confidence slowly but surely.

PS - I should also say that I did show my DS how to interact with other children in a playgroup setting rather than just taking him there and always watching from the side while chatting to the mums. No harm in chatting some of the time but I would definitely be close by to help resolve all the tussles over toys as this is part of the learning.

Socially inept DD1 went to pre school at 2.9
Socially confident DD2 started nursery one day a week at about 18 months.

However, anecdote doesn't equal evidence!

Especially as DD1 is dyslexic, names, faces and the finer points of peer group interactions pass her by.

DD2 is her polar opposite she knew everyone's name by day two at preschool and everyone at day nursery as soon as she could talk.

Meanwhile DD2s DF who went to the same day nursery, for more days from about 18 months is just coming out of her shell at 11 years old.

Honestly, DCs natural character and to an extent their parents have far more influence.

DD1 is very like me and DH, DF's parents are lovely quiet gentle people.

DD2 who knows she's a mutant (or actually DSIL's child)

1 fairly socially confident child and 1 very socially confident child both started day nursery at 6 months and went until they started school.

But as the previous poster said: anecdote doesn't equal evidence.

Do what's right for you. Take them out and about to meet other children children and they'll be fine whatever.

Socially confident DS goes to a CM. He's always been socially confident though. I'll send him to nursery for his free hours when he's 3, but that's more about preparing him for the more structured group setting of school. I also think he will benefit from focusing his energy more as he is exceptionally active. I can't keep up with him and therefore can't stimulate him enough at home without him bouncing off the walls and furniture.

Hmm, interesting, well guess what (despite what i said on Thursday) it looks like I am actually going to go back to work 3 days a week!! Currently looking at cm and nurseries. I hear what you are saying Startail about natural character. I have noticed that my ds loves being amongst a lot of people, particularly children. He gets so excited when i take him to baby toddler groups, he bounces up and down flapping his arms, he watches what everyone else is doing, smiles and "chats" to the other dc. so I think maybe he already has a social personality. He will probably thrive in a nursery surrounded by other children with so much going on.