How to be a happier mother.?

[liveoutloud]

I have three kids and I love them dearly and while at work I think only about them. However, as soon as I enter my house and hear their bickering, find their stuff lying around I get upset instantly. Instead of coming to a quite house, with a smile on my face, sitting down to chat and cuddle with my kids I am frustrated, start cleaning up and barking orders. And the more evening progresses the worst it gets. I was not always like that, I believe, but I guess years and years of stress, hard work and pressure reshaped me into this. I would love to be more relaxed and more forgiving, less grumpy, able to ?not see? all the imperfections, unfinished homework?s, dirty socks, unpacked lunch boxes; spend more time enjoying my kids then policing them. Any tips, thoughts?

Very very sad mother?..

Do you get any time to yourself?

Oh, dear, ?time to myself?? No. I do not even know what this means. The thing is that aside from having three kids and a full time job, I have a husband who works evenings and most weekends. So even though he often makes our meals so that I at least do not have to cook at night, I end up doing mostly everything because he is not there. So I finish my work at 4 and then drive home, I stop by grocery store, library etc. to do some errands, some days, then either pick up my kids to take them to their sport practices (where I usually sit and wait for a couple of hours feeling stressed out because I have tones of work to do at home) or stay home to do other stuff. When at home, I check and help with homeworks, cook or warm dinner, clean, do laundry if necessary. By the time, kids are in bed (around 10) I have half an hour to an hour to unwind. I turn the TV on, do some knitting and stuff, check my emails. Then rush to take a shower and go to bed around 11:00-11:30. So if the kids are not bothering me this is the only ?me time? I have. : (((
Not much.

It sounds like you are worn down and lost the joy of life, probably because you don't get time to yourself and life has become a bit of a continuous marathon of work, childcare, housework and taxi service. What can you do to make things a bit easier for yourself? Could you afford a cleaner? Someone coming in for 2 hours a week might mean that at least you don't have to clean. Online grocery shop perhaps to avoid traipsing round the supermarket. The occasional kid dumping - on anyone, hubby or neighbour or friend - for 2 hours so you can get your hair done or just sit in a coffee shop with a magazine. And date night with hubby - when the two of you do get time together, get a babysitter and go for a meal, or stay in and boot the kids out of one of the downstairs rooms so you can sit and have some wine and chat and peace. It is all too easy to get into a rut. Hope that helps a little x

it sounds like life is hard work - I think it's not surprising you are feeling down and finding it hard to enjoy it - you are running the family day to day without the company of a partner in the evening to at least laugh at the chaos ...

I agree with the poster above - perhaps some real changes in your life would allow you to appreciate the children more - you must be really tired - perhaps fix that and the pleasure for the day to day will follow.

Do you have time to do a little meditation / yoga stretching in the evening before bed?

just want to say,firstly, that you sound AMAZING. you are doing so much. please take a step back to admire what you achieve every day. it's so hard to afford the kindness you give to others freely to yourself, but please be kind to yourself too-try to focus one the huge amount you DO achieve, not the things that you can't manage.
try to make one bit of space in your house that always stays clean eg the top of a chest of drawers in your bedroom, then you have a bit of "sacred" space that is positive-i find this really helps me; i faze out of the mess and look at the clean patch instead!
do you have a bath? if so, try having one bath a week where no matter what is left undone you go and soak in it for as long as possible, rather than take a shower, so that way you get some relaxation but still tick off a "job".
i have a playlist of "happy songs" that i play in the car on the way back from work to try and lift my spirits before i get home, stuff i used to go clubbing to

also, if you can find any time to do any exercise at all it really helps. i find i have a lot more patience and joy for my daughter after i have had a hard swim and got out my pent up agression/frustration constructively.

i hope that helps, i dont really have the answers but the above things help me. hang in there! you are not alone

Wow, no wonder you feel the way you do, I have one child and work part time, and I find that bloody hard! It sounds like when you see your children it's when stuff needs to be done - dinner, bath, bed, tidying. When do you get to just enjoy them? Could you cut down your working hours?

Oh, guys, thank you so much for all your posts, suggestions and encouragements. I already felt better just by posting here. I know that it is probably just exhaustion, and that I should definitely try to make some space for myself. But when keep yourself neglected for so long that you just cannot go back. I do not know how to ?reserve? time for myself at all. I am not even sure what I would do with it. But I definitely have to do something, because this person I have become is not someone I would like to grow old to be.